Tales of Symphonia: Wacky Days
by AniMax
Summary: A wacky assortment of the Tales gang, in everyday situations. You'll love this! I was laughing so hard at some point, it was hard to write. Don't believe me? Just read for yourself
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I decided to start a funny, and strange, chain of chapters, based on things **

**happening to the gang of Tales of Symphonia. I got the idea from a few other **

**writers on this site. They were doing some of the same, but mostly "Alternate **

**scenes" to the game. Mine are different. I do stories based on regular, everyday **

**things, and stick the Tales gang into it. Some of you will like this, some won't. I can **

**only say, that it'll be a fun, and wacky ride. So, if you don't like this sort of thing, **

**leave now. Otherwise, enjoy!**

**Chapter 1: A trip to "Uncle Filbert's Super Happy Fun time Petting Zoo And Bait Shop"**

**Raine: **Ok, class! Tomorrow, we are going on a Field...Lloyd! Get that pencil out of your

nose!

**Lloyd: **Sorry

Lloyd blew the pencil out of his nose and hit Genis in the head

**Genis: **Ow...explosion!

Genis used explosion and blew up a row of desks, along with 4 students

**Raine: **Genis, that's enough! As I was saying, we will be going on a Field Trip tomorrow.

We're going to "Uncle Filbert's Super Happy Fun time Petting Zoo And Bait Shop"

**Lloyd: **Ya! We're going to the bait shop! We're going to the bait shop! We're going...

Genis used explosion again on Lloyd, and killed two students, a puppy, a socket puppet

named Binky, and all of the Backstreet Boys, except Nick Carter

**Nick: **Ha! Missed!

Genis again, used explosion, and killed Nick Carter

**Nick: **A.J., I love you...Aghhhh...

**Raine: **Ahem...as I was saying. We will be going on the Trip tomorrow. I will have Kratos

here, accompany us and keep you in line

**Kratos(On his Cell Phone): **Hehe! So, Denise, how'd you like last night? Made you forget

all about your ex-boyfriend, eh? So...Oh, crap!

Kratos put his cell phone away.

**Raine: **You will be coming along to help me, right Kratos?

**Kratos: **What?...No! I have plans...I have a date!...I...ahem...fine! Give me a minute

Kratos pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number

**Raine: **Now that all of that is settled, we leave tomorrow!

The bell rung, and the students left. Afterwards, the janitor came in and started sweeping up

the dead kids, and Nick Carter

On the day of the Field trip...

**Raine: **Ok, everyone on the bus!

**Kratos(On his Cell Phone, again): **Denise! I said I was sorry! I got dragged into it...I'll

make it up to you...I promise!

Raine grabbed Kratos' cell phone, and started jumping up and down on it

**Kratos: **Aghhh!...What are you doing, woman! I still had $10 of prepaid minutes on that!

**Raine: **We're going, Kratos! Get on the bus!

**Kratos:** ...Tell me again, why I have to come along?

**Raine: **All of the other parents we busy, and I knew you couldn't refuse me, since I'm SO

persuasive!

**Kratos: **Damn!

Kratos got on the bus

On the ride there, Kratos sat up front, next to a sick kid. The kid was moaning, and looked

like he was about to throw up.

**Kid: **Ohhhhh!...ugh...mmmm

**Kratos: **...Don't even think about it, kid!

**Kid: **Ohhhh...

Lloyd and the others were having fun singing songs

**Lloyd: **Hey, dad! Come sing with us!

**Kratos: **...I don't sing...

**Lloyd: **Oh, come on! It'll be fun! Here we go! This old man, he played 3, he played Nick-

knack on my...

**Kratos: **...

**Lloyd: **?

**Kratos: **..._sigh_...knee...

**Lloyd: **Yay! With a Nick-knack-patty-whack, give a dog a bone, this old man came rolling...

**Kratos: **..._sigh_...home...

Lloyd clapped his hands and hugged Kratos

**Lloyd: **See?! That wasn't so bad!

Kratos looked at Lloyd with a look of confusion

**Kratos: **Right...

**Raine: **Ok, everyone! We've arrived!

The bus stopped, and everyone got off the busy. Kratos and the sick kid were all that were

left.

**Kid: **...ugh...blaaaaaaa!

The kid puked on Kratos

**Kratos: **...Just great!...

Inside, the group saw a sign, above the gate, that read: **Have a blast at **_**"Uncle Filbert's **_

**_Super Happy Fun time Petting Zoo And Bait Shop"_**

Underneath that, it read: **Gift Shop in Bait Shack...Take home a Fish Hook Earring for **

**that Special Girl**

The group stood in line, waiting to buy tickets.

**Colette: **I wanna go see the ducklings!

**Lloyd: **I wanna go see the monkeys!

**Kratos: **I wanna go home...

Raine looked at the board, to determine prices for everyone

**Kids under 10: $5**

**Teenagers: $15**

**Adults: $20**

**Seniors: $12**

**Elves, Half-Elves, Angels, Members of Cruxis, Traitors, Desians, Renegades, **

**Anyone from Canada, and Superman: Not getting in! Ha!**

**Genis: **Unbelievable!

**Superman: **Lousy Secret Identity..."quickly changes clothes in public"...there, now I'm

Clark Kent

**Some Canadian Guy**: What kind of rule is that, eh?

**Kratos: **I'm glad I'm not in that group...

The group get up to the Ticket Booth

**Lloyd: **Yuan?!

Yuan was the ticket keeper

**Yuan: **The chosen's group?...Oh, Great! Like this day couldn't get any more lousy! My boss

won't give me a lunch break, cause I arrived 5 minutes late. Now I need this! Perfect!

**Lloyd: **That's a tough break dude! But what's with the bogus rules of pricing?

**Yuan: **My boss's idea! He found out I was a member of the Renegades, and said that I can't

be allowed into the Petting Zoo

**Raine: **They'll allow you to work for them, but won't let you use the facilities...pathetic

**Yuan: **You said it...and Botta isn't in any better position then I am

Yuan pointed over at one of the caged in areas. The group could see Botta, in the horse pen,

scooping out the poop with a large shovel

**Botta(Singing): **Cleaning up the poop! Cleaning up the poop! I'm wallowing in horse

manure...and cleaning up the poop!

**Lloyd:** Poor Guy!

**Colette: **It's horrible!

**Yuan:** You said it...Hey! I just got a great idea! To get back at my boss, you can all go in for

free!

I'm going be fired anyways, when he finds out what I accidentally did to his Secretary, when

I though she was Yggdrasill! Go on in!

Lloyd: Wow! Now we can see the Monkey's for free!

The group ran through the gate

Superman: That's more like it!

Some Canadian Guy: Now we can go see all the animals, eh?

Yuan: You guys can't come in, though!

Both: Awwwww...

Inside, the group went their separate ways. They left in groups of two

Lloyd, Genis and Sheena made their way over to the Monkey Cages

Sheena: You know, they say that Monkey's are our closest Ancestors

Lloyd: Boring! What else is on?

Genis: You get bored, way too easily!

Lloyd looked up at one of the monkey's in the cage, and saw it eating a banana

Lloyd: Hmmm?...Hey, monkey! I want that banana! Give it to me!

Monkey: Ook-akk!(No way!)

Lloyd: Oh, come on! I got some cool things to trade you for it...Let's see...

Monkey: Ooo?(Huh?)

Lloyd felt in his pockets, and pulled out a bunch of junk

Lloyd: Ok, lets see...we have a bottle cap, a stick of gum, 34 cents in pennies, a naked

picture of Genis...

Genis: Huh?

Lloyd: ...a used kleenex, 3 Elvis Stamps, Sheena's Birth Certificate, stating that I'm her

brother, and a few stale Corn chips...What do you say, Monkey?!

Monkey: Ukkk!(No!)

Lloyd: Oh, come on, you stupid Monkey!

Genis: How did you get a naked picture of me?

Sheena: ...Are you seriously my brother?...But...I have feelings for you...Damn!

Lloyd was busy trying to get the banana out of the monkey's hand

Lloyd: Give the banana, monkey! Give me it! Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!

Genis and Sheena argued, while Lloyd tried to get the monkey's banana. Watching, not too far

away, was Kratos. He and Colette were in the Duck pond. Colette was having fun, feeding the

little, baby Ducklings. Kratos was just standing there, as a few baby Ducklings, waddled by his

feet

Kratos: ...Why did I have to come?

We now join Presea and Regal, in the pen of Goats and Lambs

Regal(Sniffing the air): This place is highly unsanitary!

Presea: Yes, it is...but look at all the pretty animals!!!

Presea ran around and chased some of the baby Goats. Regal went to sit down on one of the

benches, just inside the door...and sat down in a pile of Goat dung

Regal: Oh, come on!!! I can't &!$ believe my &#$! luck! What are the $&! odds!

Only a few feet away, a little boy, only about 5 years old, stood in horror, at Regal's sudden

outburst

Little Boy(Sniveling): Uhhh...ehhhhh...

Regal: What are you staring at, kid? ARGHHHHHHH!!!

Little Boy: AHHHH! Mommy!

The little boy ran away. Regal sighed, deeply

Presea was busy, with some food, feeding the Goats and Lambs

Presea: You are all so, cute!

One goat that was wandering around, made it's way over to Presea and joined in on the

feasting. Presea smiled at it, and then looked shocked

Presea: ...Alicia? Is...is that really you?

Goat: Bahhhh...

Presea: Alicia! It really is you! You've come back to me! Alicia!

Presea tried to hug the Goat, but it ran away

Presea: Alicia! Don't leave me again! Come back!

Presea ran after the Goat

Raine was busy sitting up in the Cafe, where she can see all of the Petting Area, and stared

out of the window

Lloyd: Give me the banana, you damn Monkey!

Monkey: Akkkkkkk!(NO!)

Kratos: Leave me alone, you little feather brains!

Baby Duckling: Quak!

Presea: Alicia! Come back! Alicia!

Goat: BAHHHHH!

Raine: ...I think this trip is about over...

Raine gathered up the group...(don't ask me how)...and got them all on the bus

Raine: Well, that sure was an interesting Field Trip!...

Lloyd: I never even got my banana...

Presea: I never got to say goodbye to Alicia! I lost her again! Wahhhh!

Colette: Well, I had a good time!

Everyone: Oh, shut up!!!

Colette was able to adopt some of the baby Ducklings. There were so many, that Kratos had

to hold on to some of them. He had them in his lap

Baby Ducklings: Quak! Quak! Quak! Quak!

Kratos: ...Can someone please tell me, why I had to come?...

The End


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok, so how did everyone like my first chapter? If you thought that was funny, **

**wait till you read this one. As you all know, every kid gets that one day off school, and **

**tags along with one of their parents to their workplace. Well, Kratos is a dad, Lloyd is **

**his kid, so it kind of works out. So, he brings along Lloyd to Derris-Kharlan, and shows **

**him, exactly how tough it it is to be an Angel of Cruxis. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2: Work and Play**

Lloyd came home that day from school, and waved a paper in front of Kratos.

**Lloyd: **Look, Dad! Look! I get to come to work with you!

Kratos looked up from his newspaper, and stared at Lloyd.

**Kratos: **What's all this about?

**Lloyd: **We get a day off school, so all us kids, can come along and see what our parents do at

their job! It'll be cool!

**Kratos: **Come to work with me? You have got to be kidding! I'm an Angel of Cruxis! I can't take

you to work there!

**Lloyd: **You're no fun!

**Kratos: **Why can't Dirk do it? He's your Dad, too, you know!

**Lloyd: **Ya, but I'm home all the time with him! I know what he does! I even help him!

**Dirk: **He's right, you know! You are his father, too! Be responsible and make up for that 4,000

years of lost time!

**Kratos: **...Oh, all right! You can come, but don't embarrass me! It's bad enough that I'm not

that popular there to begin with...me betraying them and all, like 3 times!

**Lloyd: **Yay! Thanks, Dad!

Lloyd ran up to his room

**Kratos(calling up after him): **You know Henry down the street, takes his kids to the Candy

Factory! Why not join them?...Dumb school programs...

The next day, Lloyd was up early to wake Kratos.

**Lloyd: **Come on, Dad! Hurry, you'll be late!

**Kratos: **Ya-Ya! I'm coming! _Yawn!_

Kratos dressed up into his "Judgement" uniform, and got his briefcase

**Lloyd: **Ya! Let's go!

Lloyd pulled Kratos out the door and into the front yard

**Lloyd: **Beam me up! Beam me up!

**Kratos: **You say that as if it were a ride at an amusement park..._sigh_

Kratos used his special Angelic powers, to cast a Derris-Emblem underneath them. The warp

powered up...and then stalled

_Urrk, urrk, urrk_

**Kratos: **Oh, come on! Not today!

Kratos tried again. _Urk, urk, Urkk_

**Kratos: **Beautiful! Just beautiful!

**Lloyd: **Dad! The ride won't start! We'll be late!

**Kratos: **I know, Lloyd!

**Lloyd: **Dumb ride! Start!

Lloyd stomped on the warp with his foot. _Urk, urk, urkkk...Vrooooommm!_

**Kratos: **Hey, it started!

**Lloyd: **Ya! It worked!

**Kratos: **Great! Here I was hoping we might not have to go!

The two prepared themselves, and were whisked away. The trip took about 10 minutes. On the

way, Lloyd looked over the edge and threw up on Kratos's uniform. When they got there, Kratos

was still wiping the slime off his clothes.

**Lloyd: **Yay! We're here!

**Kratos: **This stuff is like Ketchup! It won't come out! That's just great!

The two walked through the hall to the front desk.

**Suzy(The Secretary): **Good morning, Mr. Aurion! In early, I see...and you brought a visiter!

**Kratos: **That's my kid, Lloyd! The one I told you, I found out that I had!

**Suzy: **Wow! He's a big boy! You sure got a great looking kid, there! You take after your old

man, Lloyd! I see where you get your good looks!

**Lloyd: **Thank you, Suzy!

**Kratos: **...We better get going! When's the meeting start?

**Suzy: **Oh...it's actually already started...you're ten minutes late!

**Kratos: **What?! Damn! Let's go, Lloyd!

Kratos pulled Lloyd by the hand and ran down the hall

**Lloyd: **Bye, Suzy!

**Suzy: **Bye, Lloyd!

Kratos, with Lloyd in tow, raced down the hallways, passing Angels of every shape and size, in

suits and ties. They ran hard, till they were in front of a door, with the number "26" on it.

**Kratos: **I hope they haven't started the actual meeting yet!

The two raced in, and found a large rectangular table, where 10 executive-looking angels sat. At

the front of the room, pointing at a projection screen, was a short, dumpy, bald angel man.

He had a grey beard and mustache. He was startled, by the sudden entrance of Kratos and Lloyd

**Bald Angel: **Mr. Aurion! I see you decided to show up! What do you have to say for yourself?

**Kratos: **Uh...well, I was having trouble with my warp platform. It took a little while to get it

started...

**Bald Angel: **That is a very poor excuse! Take your seat!

**Kratos: **...Yes, Mr. WhiteWings...

Kratos slinked to the seat, that was empty in the middle of the table. Lloyd pulled up a chair and

nudged in beside him.

**Mr. WhiteWings: **Mr. Aurion! Who is your little friend?!

**Kratos: **He's my...son...! He has a "Take your Kid to Work Day" program at school, and I brought

him along!

**Mr. WhiteWings: **Mr. Aurion! We are the organization of Cruxis! This is not some place to bring

kids and show them things, like they're fun toys!

**Kratos: **I know...but I couldn't say no! He's kind of persistant!

**Mr. WhiteWings: **Hmmmm...very well! But I don't want him running around here, acting like it's

a playground!

**Kratos: **Thank you, sir!

**Mr. WhiteWings**: Let's continue our lecture! Mr. Aurion, please take notes, along with us!

Kratos opened his workbook and grabbed a pen

**Lloyd: **What can I do, Dad?

Kratos pulled some paper out of his book and gave it and a pen to Lloyd

**Kratos: **You sit here and draw...and keep quite

Lloyd took the paper and pen, and started scribbling

**Mr. WhiteWings: **...the matter of expanding the outer west area is top on our list of

reaching...

**Lloyd: **Your Boring!

**Mr. WhiteWings: **...What?

**Kratos: **...Lloyd!

**Lloyd: **You sound boring! Can't you be more fun? Weeeeee!

**Kratos: **Lloyd sit down!...I'm really sorry about this Mr. WhiteWings!

**Mr. WhiteWings: **If you cannot keep your son, under control, then we will not continue this

meeting with you in it!

**Kratos: **Yes, Sir...!

Lloyd went back to drawing and Kratos sunk his head into his notebook

**Mr. WhiteWings: **...As I was saying...the outer west area is crucial to expanding into our new

project! We should begin production as soon as possible and...

While he was speaking, with his back to the group; out of nowhere, a paper airplane flew

forward and got stuck in Mr. WhiteWings' wings.

**Lloyd: **I score!!!!

Kratos groaned

**Mr. WhiteWings: **Mr. Aurion!! I think it would be best if you left and I will give you the notes,

after the meeting!

**Kratos: **...Yes, sir...

Kratos packed up his briefcase and pulled Lloyd along.

**Lloyd: **Dad! I wanna stay and hear what Mr. BaldWings has to say!

Some of the angels in the room, snickered under their breath

**Mr. WhiteWings: **Silence! Now that they are gone, we can finally continue!

**Kratos: **I'm very disappointed in you, Lloyd!

**Lloyd: **I'm sorry, Dad...

**Kratos: **...It's alright...I was kind of nervous about that meeting myself. It was pretty cool to

get a laugh in there. You were pretty funny in there!

Lloyd looked up at Kratos, and smiled. Kratos smiled a little, too. The two walked down the halls,

and passed a few Angels. Soon, they came to a big room, with a bunch of cubicle offices in

them. Kratos walked Lloyd around, till they stopped in front of one of the cubicles.

**Kratos: **This is where I work!

**Lloyd: **Wow...This doesn't look how I pictured it! I thought Cruxis was just a hollow

organization, bent on making Chaos and a new world for Half-Elves!

**Kratos: **There is a lot of paper work to be done! It's not all, "Destroy this!" and "Take over

that!" There is a lot of hard work that needs to be done!

**Lloyd: **Ok...so what do you do here?

**Kratos: **Well, if I'm not down on earth, trying to help Cruxis, I'm usually up here, filling out paper

work and signing a bunch of documents.

**Lloyd: **That doesn't sound very exciting!

**Kratos: **You can say that again! But, then again, it's not always fun and games when you have

to work hard to support your family...or even yourself, in a one room bachelor pad

Lloyd looked around the cubicle, and started playing around with some of Kratos' things. He

stapled a large stack of papers together, flicked a bunch of rubber bands, poked an Angel

BobbleHead, and spun around on Kratos' chair

**Kratos: **Lloyd...remember, this isn't a playground...I'll get in trouble

**Lloyd: **But this place is boring! You need to make it more fun!

**Kratos: **Well...what do you suggest?

Lloyd thought for a second and then came up with an idea

**Lloyd: **Let's have a chair race!

**Kratos: **...Chair race?

**Lloyd: **Yeah! We each saddle up on a chair, and race to the end of the room. First one to the

end, wins!

**Kratos: **No, way! That will get me fired!

**Lloyd: **...fine! Be a boring Angel Dad!

Kratos sighed, and then agreed

**Kratos: **Fine! I guess I need to lighten up a bit...

**Lloyd: **Yay! Let's go!

Lloyd took a chair from an empty Cubicle and Kratos used his own chair. They set up, outside

Kratos' Cubicle

**Lloyd: **Ready...Set...GO!

The two raced hard. They were flying down the room, and nearly missed Suzy

**Lloyd: **Hi, Suzy!

**Suzy: **...HI, Lloyd...

The two were neck and neck, and then Kratos pulled away at the last second. He skidded and

crashed into the water cooler. The cooler tipped over and blew up

**Kratos: **Oh, yeah! I won! Go, Kratos! Go Kratos! It's your BirthDay! It's your Birthday! Oh, Yeah!

**Lloyd: **That was fun!

**Kratos: **Yeah, it was! What should we do next?

**Lloyd: **Let's walk around to all the rooms and see what's in them!

**Kratos: **Alright!

The two walked down the hallways and made mischief, in every room they went in. Soon, they

came to a room marked "Control Room"

**Lloyd: **What's this room for?

**Kratos: **This is where we command our Angel warriors. Like, how many units go out and fight,

and so on...

**Lloyd: **Really? Let's check it out!

They opened up the door to the room, and found nobody inside

**Lloyd: **Let's see...

Lloyd pulled a few dials, and pushed a few buttons. Then, a beep scared him

**Lloyd: **Wow!...wow...wow...wow...wow...Hey, my voice echoed!...echoed...echoed

**Kratos: **It's because you pressed the "Talk" button. You use it to command the Angels, to do

what you want

**Lloyd: **Cool! Ok, Angels...dance for me!

On the security screens, all the Angels, stopped what they were dong and started dancing with

each other

**Lloyd: **Hahaha! This is way fun! Ok, Angels! Next, I want you to form a Angel Pyramid!

The Angels, automatically went into action. They stopped dancing, and ran over in a group, and

started pileing up on each others backs

**Lloyd: **This is too, cool! Ok, now, kiss each other!...

Kratos grabbed Lloyd and pulled him away

**Kratos: **That's enough! Let's go!

The two walked out of the room, and down the hall to the front desk. Suzy wasn't there,

though

**Lloyd: **Wonder where Suzy is?

**Kratos: **I don't know! We should just go...

Lloyd walked around the desk and stood in front of the computer

**Lloyd: **I wonder if this computer has "Alien Madness" it!

**Kratos: **This is a computer, Lloyd! It stores all of Derris-Kharlan's data and information. It won't

have some kids game on it!

Lloyd poked around on the computer, and started clicking on files

**Kratos: **Lloyd! This isn't funny anymore! You could erase very valuable information on there...

Beep...beep

**Lloyd: **Uh-oh!...

**Kratos: **What do you mean, "Uh-Oh"? I don't like the sounds of an "Uh-Oh"!

**Lloyd: **I think I just erased a file called, "This is where we keep all the information, and should

never be deleted! If it is, Derris-Khalan is doomed!"

**Kratos: **Holy Crap! You just deleted all of the information that Derris-Kharlan has gathered and

stored for over 4,000 years! Lloyd, you just deleted 10 centeries of information!!!

**Lloyd: **Oh...well... it could be worse, right?

**Kratos: **How could it get any worse then this?!

**Mr. WhiteWings: **AURION!!!!

**Kratos: **...ok, maybe that could do it...

The two ran away and and into the hallway. Kratos quickly used his specail Angelic powers, and

warped them out of the building. The two were sent back to earth, in front of Dirk's house

**Kratos: **...Well, I never liked that job to begin with

**Lloyd: **I'm sorry, Dad! I didn't mean to get you fired from your job...

**Kratos: **That's ok...I was meaning to drop that job for some time now, This just kinda of

synched the deal

**Lloyd: **What will you do now?

**Kratos: **Well...there's always been one job, that I have always dreamt of doing...maybe now is

the right time to pursue it!

**Lloyd: **What would that be?

Kratos smiled...only a little, though

**Kids: **Yayyyy!

**Kratos: **Hey, kids! How would you like to see, Kratos the Clown, make water shoot out my ears?

**Kids: **Yayyyy!

**Kratos: **But I can't do it alone! So, I've brought along my trusty side kick, Jester Lloyd!

**Kids:** Yayyyy!

Lloyd walked up to Kratos, and took a big seltzer bottle, which he kept under his clown suit, and

jammed the nozzle into Kratos' mouth. He then pulled the handle, and shot seltzer water into

him. It blew his mouth up, and then shot out of his ears. The kids cheered more

**Lloyd: **Now this is a job that's fun!

**Kratos: **You said it...son!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way! Hey, it's Christmas time! And that **

**means that Gift Giving is a must! So, why can't the Tales gang, give some to each **

**other? Be warned: just because they have fought together for so long, doesn't mean **

**they know each other, that great! Gifts are sometimes personal, so watch out!**

**Chapter 3: A Tales Christmas Carol**

**Colette: **Ok, everyone! It's time to pick our "Secret Santa"!

**Lloyd: **Alright! I wanna see who I pick!

**Colette: **Ok, so here are the rules! You only get one pick, and you can't re-pick! No groaning, or

peaking at another person's choice!

**Sheena: **Alright! Let's get started!

Sheena began walking to where the group was sitting, when out of the corner of her eye, she

spotted Zelos. He was staring at her, with a gleam in his eye. Sheena didn't know what he was

up to, then she looked up above her head. There hung a leaf of Mistletoe, dangling on a string

**Sheena: **Uh-Oh!

**Zelos: **Sheena, my love! Come give your, Sweet Zelos a kiss!

Zelos, then began running, full steam at Sheena.

**Sheena: **Yikes!

Zelos dove for Sheena, but she used her awesome acrobatics to jump out of the way. Zelos flew

past her, and kissed Noishe, instead

**Zelos: **Ewww! Yuck! Phht!

**Everyone: **HAHAHA!

Zelos got up and wiped his mouth off. Noishe whined and then winked at Zelos

**Zelos: **Ahh!

**Genis: **I think I'm more in the mood for Christmas shopping, then a Zelos/Noishe love story!

**Colette: **Ok! Raine, can you start us off?

**Raine: **Sure!

Raine reached into Aifread's Pirate hat, and grabbed a piece of paper, that had the name, of one

of the group

**Raine: **...Colette...

**Colette: **Oh! Me?

**Raine: **_Oh, great_...I mean, Oh, Great!

**Colette: **Yeah!..._Pompous Bitch_...

**Raine: **What was that?

**Colette: **Nothing...let's keep going!

The group then took their turns, picking names

**Genis: **Lloyd!

**Colette: **Presea!

**Zelos: **Regal!

**Kratos: **Raine...

**Presea: **Genis!

**Lloyd: **Sheena!

**Sheena: **Zelos!...ugh...

**Regal: **Kratos!

**Colette: **Ok, everyone! We have 2 weeks, till Christmas, so buy your presents fast!

The group got up, and started talking amongst, one another

**Sheena: **I can't believe, I have to pick out a gift for that Lecherous Pervert!

**Raine: **Colette, will be most difficult! Getting an intelligent thing would be wasting money!

**Zelos: **What does one give, to an escaped murderer?

The time went by very fast and everyone was in a hurry, to try and figure out what present,

their "Secret Santa", would like

Presea went to Foot Locker, Sheena went to Wal-Mart, Regal went to...um...the dirty side of

town, Kratos went to Radio Shack, and the others, spread out amongst the town. 13 days pass,

and almost everyone has found a gift, for their person...except Lloyd

**Lloyd: **Finally! Christmas shopping is over! Man, that was hard work!

**Genis: **Um, Lloyd?

**Lloyd: **What is it, my little half-elf?

**Genis: **I know that Christmas shopping, is basically over, but did you even end up getting any

gift?

**Lloyd: **Of course! I went to...um...and then I got...ugh...um...DAMN! I never got a present!

**Genis: **That's just like you! Now you have no present for your "Secret Santa", on Christmas Eve!

**Lloyd: **Oh, man! What am I going to do?! Sheena's going to kill me, if I don't get her a gift!

**Genis: **Whoa! You got Sheena? Man, you are _so _dead meat! You better go now, and hope some

things are left!

**Lloyd: **Right!

Lloyd jumped off the couch and ran out the door. He ran to the local Department store, and ran

through the isles, trying to find a gift. All he saw were empty shelves.

**Lloyd: **Ok, what can I get her? Let's see, we got; a jar of olives, a wad of gum, a pencil...ugh,

there's nothing here!

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a computer

**Lloyd: **Wow! Someone didn't buy the last computer! I'm saved!

Lloyd rushed over and took a look at it.

**Lloyd: **Oh, wait...it's a Dell...I'm not THAT desperate!

Lloyd slumped to the exit, with no gift in hand. Then, he saw something on the shelf at the

end of the isle. There was only one left, and kind of roughed up, but it was still in one piece

**Lloyd: **...I guess it's better then nothing!

Lloyd grabbed it and ran to the cashier. He rang it up, and left

The next day, everyone gathered around the christmas tree, holding their presents in hand. Kratos

and Regal stood against the wall

**Colette: **Ok, everyone! Let's start with giving out our gifts! Raine, since you picked first, you can

give out first!

**Raine: **Alright!

Raine reached behind her and pulled out a box. She handed it to Colette

**Colette: **Oh, Professor Raine! You didn't have to get me anything!

**Everyone: **...!

Colette opened up her box, first by ripping off the wrapping paper. She threw away the paper

and opened the cover of the box

**Colette: **Oh!...?

**Raine: **It's the "Dummies Guide to Everything"!

**Everyone: **...!

**Colette: **Oh...thanks, Professor...

Colette set the book down behind her.

**Sheena: **Ok...let's keep going

**Genis: **My Turn!

Genis grabbed his gift to Lloyd, and handed it to him. Lloyd grabbed it and ripped it open

**Genis: **I know how much you love yourself, playing with two swords, so...I got you a photo

album of all the times you used it. Look, this is when we beat up on Pronyma...and that one is of

Kvar!

**Lloyd:** Thanks, Genis!...Hey! What's this pic of me in the shower?

**Genis: **?! Oh, whoops! How did that get in there?!

Genis ripped the page out and stuffed it in his mouth. Everyone looked at him

**Zelos: **Fun times, huh?

**Colette: **Ok, my turn!

Colette grabbed, Presea's present and gave it to her

**Presea: **Thank you, Colette! I don't deserve such kindness!

**Colette: **No, no! You Do! You are a very important member of our Punk Rock Band...I mean our

Group of Warriors

**Presea: **...Yes...you're right..

Presea opened her gift and found a Ballerina Barbie, inside

**Colette: **Since you can't have your time back, from that Cruxis Crystal, I thought it would be fun

to try and relive some parts of your childhood!

**Presea: **Oh...yes, thank you, Colette!

Presea hugged Colette, and started crying

**Lloyd: **Wow! I think Presea likes her gift! Best gift so far, I think!

**Genis: **Hey!

**Zelos: **Alright! Time for the gift giving of the great Zelos Wilder(**Heart**)!

**Regal: **I can say that I'm particularly frightened, by what Zelos may have for me!

Zelos reached into his pocket, which made everyone, raise and eyebrow. He proceeded to pull

out a little, square box. Everyone's hair stood on end

**Genis: **I knew it! Nobody that pretty could be straight! Zelos' a fairy! Zelos' a fairy!

**Zelos: **Shut up, brat! I'm not Gay! Geez! Here, Regal!

Regal took Zelos' present, and pulled off the top. Regal reached in, and pulled out a pair of keys

**Regal: **Oh, like I didn't see this one coming! You are so persistent to get me to give up my

shackles, that you would go so far as to waste my present on a pair of cuff keys?

**Zelos: **Well...yes...but that's not what the keys are for!

**Regal: **Oh!...Then, what are they for?

**Zelos: **It's for your brand new car! (Cue "Price is Right" fanfare)

**Regal: **Oh, my god! (Squeals!)

**Zelos: **That's right! It a 2006 Chrysler XR5! With it's spacious interior, leather upholstery, and

1000 HorsePower, it's a car, way ahead of it's time! Retail value, $159,420!

**Regal: **I never would have expected this, from you Zelos! How did you afford it?

**Zelos: **Well, it's easy when your the richest, non-royalty, citizen in Tethe'alla!

**Regal: **I see...but wait a second! How can I drive a car, with my hands shackled up?

**Zelos: **Way ahead of you, my good bud!

Zelos pulled another little box from his other pocket, and gave it to Regal

**Regal: **What could this be?

**Zelos: **That, my friend...is a pair of shackle keys, so you can get rid of those rusted cuffs.

_Now, _I'm being persistent!

**Regal: **...! Why you son-of-a-bi...

**Colette: **Ok, everyone!...Let's see who's next!

**Lloyd: **I think that's Dad!...Or, I mean, Kratos!

**Kratos: **...!

**Raine: **That's alright, Kratos! You don't have to, if you don't feel up to it!

**Kratos: **No, it's fine! Here!

Kratos pulled out behind him, a box, and tossed it at Raine. He missed, and smacked Lloyd in '

the head

**Kratos: **...

**Raine: **Thank you, Kratos!

She opened the box, and tore off the paper. Inside was...a negligee dress

**Everyone: **...!?

**Raine: **Oh...um...th-thank you, Kratos! It's very...um, very...see-through!

**Kratos:** I don't really know much about women, nowadays! So, I got what I usually got Anna,

a long time ago.

**Raine: **Yes...well, thank you for that, Kratos!

**Kratos: **...Yeah...

**Colette: **Ok...so...let's keep going! Presea! It's your turn!

**Presea: **Alright!

**Genis: **_Oh, my god! Presea is going to give me a gift! I can't believe it! And I was hoping that _

_I could give one to her as well!_

**Presea: **Here you go, Genis!

Presea blushed, as Genis ripped through the paper

**Genis: **Oh, boy! I hope it's that new Crystal Kandama that I was hoping for...Or maybe It

could be...a Black Uniform?!

**Presea: **Yes! I went to a Tailor, and had him make an identical suit for you to wear. So, we

can be like partners!

**Genis: **Wow! I love it, Presea! Thank you!

Genis gave Presea a hug. He quickly darted away, and blushed. Presea blushed, as well

**Colette: **Ahhh! How cute! It's like Puppy Love! Let's keep going, then!

**Lloyd: **Ok, my turn, finally! Here ya go, Sheena!

**Sheena: **_Uh-oh! He's got my present! What could he have given me? I wish that I could have _

_given him something as well! _Thanks, Lloyd!

Sheena unwrapped the paper with care. Lloyd was nervous, since he knew his present was a

last minute thing

**Sheena: **_Oh, what could it be? What did he have in his head to buy for me? I wonder what _

_he...got...me!...?_

Everyone looked, flabbergasted, as Lloyd's present, made it to light. From under the paper,

was a dented box of Honey Nut Cheerios

**Everyone: **...!

**Sheena:** ...

**Lloyd: **So...do..you like it? I'm sorry, I didn't get going until the last minute. I was going to

get you something better, but then, you know me!

**Sheena(With a tear in her eye): **_Same ol' dumb Lloyd! Heh!_ Lloyd!...I love it! Thank you!

Everyone was shocked. Sheena was hesitant, but she finally decided to lean in, and give Lloyd

a kiss on the cheek. She pulled away, immediately, and blushed. She was so red, she looked

like a Tomato

**Lloyd: **Heh! Thanks, Sheena!

Lloyd leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek as well. Again, the two blushed. Even

more so, this time

**Colette: **Ekkkk! This is so fun! Everyone is having fun! Let's keep going! Sheena, you're up!

**Sheena: **Oh...yeah...ok! Ok, Zelos! I'm a nice person, so here! Take it!

**Zelos: **Ah, My beloved, Sheena! It must be fate that you are the one to give me my gift! I'm

guessing you gave me your heart!

**Sheena: **Dream on, Lover boy! Just open it!

Zelos grabbed his present from Sheena, and then unwrapped it

**Zelos:** ...?

**Sheena: **It's a Mizuho Death Charm! It's to keep anyone from exceeding the normal woman

love and flirting ratio. The more you flirt, the more the charm grows, until it kills you. So, I

would be careful!

**Zelos(Weeping): **Ahhh, Sheena! You are so cruel! I only love with my heart!

**Sheena: **That's not all you love with! Sheesh!

**Zelos: **Ohhh...

**Colette: **Poor Zelos...Ok, everyone! Let's keep going! Last is Regal!

**Regal: **Oh...yes. Kratos! I did not know what a man like you would like, so I decided to get,

what I thought all men like. It took some time, but here's my present!

Regal handed Kratos, his present

**Kratos: **...Thanks...

Kratos unwrapped his gift, while everyone stared. Kratos noticed everyone looking, and got

nervous

**Kratos: **...Does everyone have to stare at me, while I open this?

Everyone looked away. Kratos, then continued to open his present. Inside, was a long,

rectangular booklet

**Regal: **It's a book of Season tickets, to the Los Angeles Angels, baseball team!

**Kratos: **...Hmph!

**Regal: **I thought that maybe the two of us could go together, and watch the game. Just us

guys!

**Regal: **...

**Colette: **Ok, everyone! Present time is over! Now we can eat!

Everyone dropped their presents, and headed to the table. Their was a shortage of chairs, so

Kratos had to find a way to sit on the baby highchair

**Colette: **Let us thank the Goddess Martel, for giving us such wonderful food and presents!

Let's eat!

As everyone ate, Zelos was busy chatting with a girl on his cell phone.

**Zelos: **Oh, I'm such a nice guy! I hope you're a nice girl, as well!

Groooom...grooom

The weird charm that Sheena had given Zelos was vibrating and pulsing

**Sheena: **Ha! Looks like you can't stop flirting, even to save your life!

**Zelos: **Sheena!...I'm just a guy! You can really be cruel sometimes...

**Sheena: **Then, stop flirting so much!

**Zelos: **...But it's so cruel...

As everyone ate, outside in the cold, Santa could be seen, flying high, over the night sky

**Colette: **On behalf of all the gang of Tales, we would like to wish everybody out there, a

Happy Holidays, a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, and so on!

**Everyone: **Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

**Zelos: **...so cruel...

THE END

**A/N: Stay tuned for my "12 Tales of Christmas story", soon to follow!(Note: Not 12 **

**seperate Tales of each character, it's actually a parody on "12 Days of Christmas")**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Just a quick thing, before we start! I had a hard time trying to find things in the **

**game, that made sense for each number of the Christmas song. I made it through, so **

**that's all that matters. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 4: 12 Tales of Christmas**

On the **First** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos:** ...Martel, in the Great Tree

On the** Second **day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Third** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Fourth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Fifth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Sixth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Seventh** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...7 Flanoir Cut Scenes

...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Eighth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos:** ...8 Heroic Fighters

...7 Flanoir Cut Scenes

...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Ninth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...9 Devil Arms

...8 Heroic Fighters

...7 Flanoir Cut Scenes

...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the** Tenth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...10 Descending Angels

...9 Devil Arms

...8 Heroic Fighters

...7 Flanoir Cut Scenes

...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Eleventh** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...11 Summon Spirits

...10 Descending Angels

...9 Devil Arms

...8 Heroic Fighters

...7 Flanoir Cut Scenes

...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

On the **Twelfth** day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

**Kratos: **...12 Towns to Visit

...11 Summon Spirits

...10 Descending Angels

...9 Devil Arms

...8 Heroic Fighters

...7 Flanoir Cut Scenes

...6 Healing Gels

...5 Grand Cardinals

...4 Members of Cruxis

...3 Hunnies for Zelos,

...2 Cruxis Crystals,

...and Martel in the Great Tree

**A/N: Hope you like that song, and let's give a big hand to Kratos, for agreeing to sing.**

**Just a few things to point out, though. I know that some hardcore fans of the game, **

**may have found a few errors in my song. First, I left out "Hima" for the "12 Towns to **

**Visit". I did that, because "Hima" is not really a Town, in my opinion. It's nothing more **

**then a mountain with an Inn. The "4 Member's of Cruxis", that I'm referring to, are **

**Yggdrasill, Martel, Kratos, and Yuan. Don't believe me? Go on Wikipedia, and prove me **

**wrong. "11 Summon Spirits", include Maxwell, even though he has nothing to do with **

**the main story and is only an extra Summon Spirit. Also, I made Aska and Luna, two **

**separate Spirits. Last, the 7 and 8 song titles, refer to the fact that I only included 1 **

**of the two extra characters, Zelos and Kratos. 7, refers to the fact that since you can **

**only be Lloyd, he's excluded. Then, you can only have a scene with 1 of seven **

**characters, not all. Depending on who you chose, you will either get Kratos or Zelos. 8 **

**refers to the fact that only 8 characters are in your group, at one time. Zelos and **

**Kratos are never in your party, together, at the same time. I may have bent the rules a **

**little, but not much. Don't hate me, too much! Happy Holidays!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ok, a lot of people(my sister included), hate Colette. Maybe some of you do, as **

**well. Anyways, I thought it would be cool to see what would happen, if we followed **

**Collete around, through an ordinary day, and see what happens. It should be **

**hilarious...let's watch(Grabs big tub of popcorn). Hit the lights, Steve!**

**5...beep**

**4...beep**

**3...beep**

**2...beep**

**beep...**

**Chapter 5: A Day in the Life of Colette**

**Colette: **Hi! My name's Collete Brunel! I'm 16, and I live in Iselia, which is part of the continent,

Sylvarant! I've lived there for my whole life, and I love it here. I also love all of my friends. I have lots

of them; like Lloyd, Genis, and our Professor Sage!

**Zelos: **What the?!...She didn't mention us!

**Sheena: **I can't believe it!

**Regal: **It appears that she only considers here "Real" friends, those of who, have lived with her in

Sylvarant!

**Presea: **Yes...she is a very inconsiderate girl!

**Colette: **For God sakes! You're all my friends, ok! Now, shut up! I'm trying to tell my story!...

Now, then, as I was saying...I love _ALL_ my friends, and I have been on adventures with them

and we've become very close...but then one day...everything changed...dun-dun-dun!!!

**Zelos(Sarcastically): **Oh, very dramatic!

**Regal: **I am not entertained at all!

**Presea: **Yes, your dramatic tense level is...

**Colette: **Holy Shit! Shut up! I'll lock all of you in the basement again, if you don't button your zip

holes!!!

**Everyone: **...We'll be good...

**Colette: **Now, then!!! Let's being my story...

Colette skipped to school and sang happily, the whole way. She was feeling great that morning.

She didn't have a care in the world. She was going to school, knowing that she was going to ace

that test on, "Quantum Relativity and the Creation of the"...(Aw, geez! Who are we kidding!

She couldn't ace a test like that! She barely knows how to count to 10! She was just very, very

happy that day, so she was feeling good about everything!)

**Colette: **?!!! What did you say?! I'm a dummy! Is that what you're saying?! You little...! Come here

you maggot!

Colette grabs and ax and starts chasing...(Oh, shit!)

**Writer(That's me!): **Aghhhh!

**Colette: **Come here, you big sissy!!!

Colette jumped off the page(even though, this is a story with words, and not pictures...bare

with me ok?)...and started chasing after the Writer

**Colette: **Yaaaaaa! YAAAAA! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

**Writer(On the Run): **As I was saying...huff...she was happy that day, and put down the ax!

By magic of the storywriter, Colette dropped the ax, jumped back into the story page and began

her trip to school

**Writer: **Wow! That was close!

The writer took his seat, and continued his story.

On the way to school, Colette heard a rustling noise in the bushes.

**Colette: **Is someone there? _You better come out, or I'll cut out your organs! _You don't have to

be afraid, whoever is hiding

**Writer: **Sorry for interrupting, but I thought I would like to point out Colette and why she suddenly went weird. She basically has an

"Inner Colette"! Sort of like "Inner Sakura", from the Anime, Naruto! If you know the show I'm talking about! Anyways, let's continue!

Play ball!

The person in the bushes didn't come out, but it spoke

**Creepy person in the bushes: **Come to the Temple...and I'll tell you about me...hehehe...

**Colette: **Oh, the Temple of Light? That's where you want me to meet you?

**Creepy person in the bushes: **No!...The Temple...heheh...

**Colette: **Oh!...The Temple of Darkness, then! That's where you...

**Creepy person in the bushes: **No, god dammit! All those Temples are in Tethe'alla! You are in

Sylvarant! I am talking about the Martel Temple! Come there! Geez! Brainless Blonde!

**Writer: **Ok, sorry! I hate interrupting! I just thought I would quickly mention that I don't think

blondes are stupid! I just used that joke, because she is Blonde after all, and the fact that she is

ditsy, makes the joke even more true...on her part! So, no hard feelings, to those girls who read

this and are also blonde. Thanx! Ok, continue!

**Colette: **Oh, the Martel Temple! Yeah, I know where that is! You should have just said so in

the first place!

**Creepy person in the bushes: **Aghhh...anyways, just go there, and be doomed for all

eternity!!! Bwahahaha!

**Colette: **What are you laughing at?

**Creepy person in the bushes: **Nothing! Let's just get going!

Colette followed the creepy person, and soon came to the Martel Temple

**Creepy person(now behind the signpost at the top): **Hehe! Come on in, Colette! I'll be

waiting!

The person ran fast inside the Temple, before Colette could see him/her. Colette followed

behind. Inside the Temple, the creepy person(now exposed as a girl), was standing in the little

lobby area, just inside the door. She was wearing a mask

**Girl: **Colette Brunel! I have been waiting for you!

**Colette: **No you haven't! I followed you here, because you came and got me

**Girl: **...Eh?!...Sh-Shut up! Just come here, so I can show you who I am!

Colette walked down the steps, and stood a few feet away, from the mysterious girl

**Girl: **Now, I will show you who I really am!

The girl pulled off her mask, and cackled

**Girl: **Hahaha! Now you know the truth!

**Colette: **...The truth about what?

**Girl: **...? Uh...You don't see it?

**Colette: **Um...no...sorry

**Girl: **Geez, how can you be so dumb! I'm your ugly, evil twin, Maria!!! Maria LongStocking! HAHAHA!

**Colette: **My twin sister? I didn't know I had a sister! I'm so happy! _Actually, I want to gut her like a fish! Let's kill her, now!!!_

**Maria: **...what?! You should be terrified! I'm your long, lost sister...and I'm ugly...ooooooooo!

**Colette: **Well, I'm not scared...why can't we be friends? _Kill...Kill!_

**Maria: **...?! We can't be friends! I'm you evil twin! Prepare to die!

The battle begins...

(In battle chatter)

**Colette: **Why couldn't we just be friends? _How 'bout I shove a pitchfork up your rear end, instead? Hehehe!_

**Maria: **Because we are twins! One evil and one good...We can _never_ be friends!

Battle Starts

**Maria: **Face of Evil!

Maria's face goes weird, and stretches out like elastic and screams in Colette's face

**Evil Face Thing: **OoogaBooga! OOOOOO!

**Colette: **Hello, Mr. Face! Do you wanna be my friend?

**Evil Face Thing: **Ughh?...Umm...Maria? What do I do? This girl isn't scared, and I won't do

anymore on this attack, until she at least flinches!

**Maria: **Ugh! Fine! Come back!

The Evil Face attaches back onto Maria's face

**Colette: **Did he have to go?

**Maria: **Shut up! Now, my ultimate attack! Get ready! I'm about to unleash a whopper! Super...Evil...Extremely...Powerful...Mega...Evil...

Colette used Judgement. Maria died

**Maria:** Ugh!...I was...to weak...Should have had...ugh...a bigger breakfast...(faints)

(Colette's victory)

**Colette: **I hope you learned your lesson..._you lousy, filthy, little freak!!!!!_

Exp: 2000

Gald: 2000

Combo: N/A

Time: 12"22

Items: Evil Face Souvenir

Free Life Pass to Playland

A Box of Smarties

Apple Gel(2)

Colette walked over to Maria, and stood over her

**Maria: **I...guess, this is where you finish me off, huh?

**Colette: **Why would I do that? I just want to be friends, now!

**Maria: **Really?

**Colette: **Yes! _No! We should kill her, while we have the chance!!!_

**Maria: **...Wow! I never had anyone that wanted to be my friend, before!...Ok, I guess I can give it a try!

Colette helped up Maria, and they stood there, staring at each other

**Colette: **I'm so glad that we could be friends!

**Maria: **Ya!

The two girls looked at each other, and soon they got so close, that they were now only an inch apart

**Maria: **...Colette...You look so beautiful!

**Colette: **So, do you...Maria!

The two girls now moved in closer, closed their eyes, puckered their lips, and then...

**Writer:** AHHH! I'm sorry! Wrong story! My bad!...I scared myself there for a second!...Anyways..._ahem_...let's continue...the right

way! Again...Sorry!

Colette helped up Maria, and the two stood there looking at each other

**Colette: **So, now we can be friends and sisters!

**Maria: **Yeah! I'm so glad now that I don't have to be evil!

**Colette: **Let's go!

Colette grabbed Maria by the hand and pulled her along the way home. Later that day, Colette introduced Maria to the Village

**Lloyd: **Nice to meet you, Maria!

**Maria: **Thanks!

Throughout the day, everyone became Maria's friend, and they were very happy. Later, after class, Maria asked Colette if she wanted to

join the group, in going to Lloyd's house to play "Tales of Symphonia" on his GameCube

**Colette: **Thanks! But I have to take care of something first! I'll be right over!

**Maria: **Ok!

The group walked off, leaving Colette alone, in front of the school. Colette walked off, outside the Village and to a large group of bushes.

She moved aside the bushes, to expose a man, tied up and gagged.

**Man: **Mmmhhhh!

**Colette: **Hmmm...a tasty snack before the day is through...

**Man: **Mmhhh!

Colette then looked behind her and straight at the audience and writer. Her face, then began to change and morph. She grew fangs and

evil, yellow eyes, and a red, wrinkly face

**Colette: **Time to Eat!...HEHEHEHHEHEHEHE!!!

The End...or is it?


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Kratos in the 21st Century**

**A/N: So! With the Fact that Kratos is stuck in the past, being a Half-Elf/Angel, he isn't too bright when it comes it today's **

**technology. Sure, he knows the advanced "Cruxis Technology", but what happens, when Kratos comes face to face, with **

**things like, Xbox 360, DVD's, Cell Phones and Cars? Does he have the smarts, to go along with his looks, and bluff his way **

**through ****the modern age? My guess is a big, fat, NO! Should be fun...let's watch!**

The Year is 2006! The land is filled with many things, to entertain you. Sometimes, they make you laugh, and sometimes things can turn

ugly. Whatever the reason, things will never be the same, once Kratos Aurion, comes to the 21st Century

**Chapter 6: Kratos at War!**

**_Crack!...Game Over! _**

**Genis: **Yes! I just killed your guy, for the 43rd time, in a row! Give it up, Regal!

**Regal:** No!...I will keep fighting, until I become victorious!

**Genis:** If you wanna win, then stop only using kicking attacks! Your fighter can also use his hands, you know!

**Regal:** I vowed, never to use my hands for killing ever...

**Genis:** Yeah, yeah! We've heard this, way too many times, already!

**Regal:** I will continue to fight with my feet, until I can become victorious, and avenge my fighter...Alicia!

**Genis:** I can't _believe_ you chose a character, with the same name as the girl you killed with your bare hands!

**Regal:** I will use her, so that I may have Redemption...as well as fun...with my dear Alicia!

**Genis:** You are seriously disturbed, man!

Genis hit a button, to start the match over

**Regal:** We now begin the match...NOW DIE!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

**Genis:** Damn, your nuts!

Genis started moving away from Regal. While moving away from the nutty murderer, Regal was able to get in a few cheap shots, on

Genis' fighter

**Regal:** DIE! ALICIA, I WILL AVENGE YOU! EEEEEEEEEK!

While all of this was going on, in the next room, Kratos was busy working on the "The Giant Book of the Simplest Crossword Puzzles"

**Kratos(Talking to himself): **A five letter word, for a holy figure?...Hmmmmm...ugh...damn, newspaper communists! With their

impossible puzzles and their ugly woman!

**Lloyd(Now, randomly in the room): **You seem a little tense...

**Kratos: **Aghhhh!...You scared me, kid!...I hate these new things of today's modern age!

**Lloyd: **You think that a crossword puzzle is the strangest, and most complicated thing we have today? Man, you're not even close!

**Kratos: **I have been around for 4,000 years! There shouldn't be anything, that I haven't seen or done!

**Lloyd: **Oh, really?! Then, come with me!

Lloyd and Kratos walked outside and into the driveway. There stood Lloyd's 2007 Subaru Outback

**Kratos: **This machine!...What does it do? It must be used for configuring the relativity motion, upon re-entering the proportions of...

**Lloyd: **Oh, god! This is called a Car! People use it to get to places, far away!

**Kratos: **Are you serious?! How does one operate such a machine, to do so?

**Lloyd: **I'll show you! Go around the other side!

Kratos walked around the front of the car. Lloyd pulled out his remote key, and pushed a button. The Car's head lights blinked, and the

car beeped. Kratos went nuts, and attacked

**Kratos: **Die, Machine of hell! Judgement!!!

The attack was so wild, that it missed the main part of the car, and only hit Lloyd's hood ornament

**Lloyd: **Ahhh! My Hood Ornament!

**Kratos: **Be careful, son! I think I only injured it!

**Lloyd: **You bone head! I only unlocked him, so that we can get in it!

**Kratos: **...oh...

Once inside the car, Kratos got tense and sat in a ball, on the seat

**Kratos: **Such a cramped machine! How can you enjoy being in one of these things?

**Lloyd: **The point is to put your feet down there, and you'll have a lot more room!

Kratos was hesitant, but did as Lloyd told him. When he uncurled himself, and put his legs down, he found that the area below the seat,

had a lot of space to move around in

**Kratos: **So much space! I don't feel cramped anymore!

**Lloyd: **Of course! That's the point!

Lloyd started the car and pushed on the gas. The car roared to life. Of course, this made Kratos go nuts again. This time, he decided to

fly away...and hit his head on the roof.

Later, the two drove around New Sylvarant, to see the sites

**Kratos: **Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Huh-huh-huh?

**Lloyd: **God! Even Genis, didn't cause this much trouble!

The two stopped in front of the Wal-Mart, and got out of the car. Kratos looked back at the car, while he walked to the front door of the

shop. Inside, the two were greeted by a girl named Sandy

**Sandy: **Like, Welcome to Wal-Mart! I'm Sandy, and I'm happy to meet you!

**Lloyd: **Hey, Sandy!

**Kratos: **Hi...Sandy...

**Lloyd:** Can you tell me where to find the Electronics?

**Sandy: **You bet! Over there and to the left! Enjoy!

Lloyd pulled Kratos along, and around the corner. Kratos looked back at Sandy

**Kratos: **...Bye, Sandy!

**Sandy: **Bye, cutie!

The two finally made it to the Electronics, and Lloyd led Kratos to the gaming area

**Lloyd: **This Dad, is known as the Xbox 360!

**Kratos: **What do I do with it?

**Lloyd: **You can play games, like World War 2 games, Race Car games, and even a game that let's you be a hot, fairy girl that turns into

weird creatures

**Kratos: **Really?...War, Racing, and Hot Fairies? I love this new modern age!

Lloyd was busy, fiddling with the Xbox 360 demo game system, and set Kratos up with the Call of Duty 3 game

**Lloyd: **Here! Play this!

Lloyd handed the controller to Kratos. He grabbed it, and then looked at the screen. His solider was standing in a suburban city,that was

totally destroyed

**Kratos: **So, now...how do I play?

Kratos pushed on the joystick and the solider moved forward a little

**Kratos: **Cool!

Kratos moved forward a little bit more, and soon came to another solider on the screen. It was one of his buddies

**Lloyd: **That guy is your friend! You don't shoot him!

**Kratos: **Ok...

Kratos walked up to the other guy and stood beside him

**Kratos: **Hello, my fellow Half-Elf! I am glad to meet you!

**Lloyd: **...Ok, Kratos! For one, he isn't a half-elf, second he isn't a real person, so he can't understand you!

Kratos wasn't listening. He was determined to get the guy's attention

**Kratos: **Sir? Excuse me, friend!...Sir?...

Kratos moved his character a little closer to the guy...and then a bullet whizzed by, and blew his pals head off

**Kratos: **...

The guy dropped to the ground, and didn't move

**Kratos: **...Ahhhhhh!

Bullets started flying, and soon Kratos' character got pegged in the head, and dropped to the ground as well

**Kratos: **Ahhhhh! Help me, Lloyd! I don't like this game!

Kratos fell to the floor, in the fetal postion. Lloyd hit the power button and the game shut down

**Lloyd: **It's ok now, Dad! The game can't hurt you know!

**Kratos: **Ahhhh...ehhhh...

Kratos calmed down and then got back onto his feet

**Kratos: **I don't like these new things you're showing me Lloyd! I like my old technology!

**Lloyd: **You can't just give up! Come on, try again!

**Kratos: **..._sniff_...ok...

Kratos picked up his controller, as Lloyd turned the game back on. The game started, and the same city scene appeared again

**Lloyd: **Remember...the object of the game, is to kill everyone but your friends, and you have to stay alive as well!

**Kratos: **Ok...

The same scene happened again. Kratos's partner on screen, got shot in the head. Kratos flinched but didn't scream. He did of course,

mess himself in his pants, though

**Kratos: **I couldn't save him!

**Lloyd: **It's ok...sometimes the game has somethings you just can't change. It's part of how they make the game!

Kratos moved quickly in the city, hiding behind every wall. Finally, he came out from behind shelter, and started blazing his guns. 3 guys

fell to the ground

**Kratos: **I got someone!!!

**Lloyd: **Good job! Keep going!

Kratos continued his killing spree, and soon became entranced with the game. He no longer flinched, screamed, or released his bowels at

the sight of one of his comrades, dying. After 5 hours, Kratos was now totally engulfed within the game, and playing like an All-Star

**Kratos(In a Trance): **Kill...Nazi's...kill...Bob Villa...stay tuned for a new Survivor...go Bronco's!

**Lloyd: **Ok, Dad...I think you've had enough gaming for today!

Lloyd went to grab the Controller from Kratos, but Kratos jerked away. He turned to look at Lloyd. His eyes were hazed over, like he

was hypnotized

**Kratos: **Kill...Reba...where's the beef...TGIF...can't wait...ughhhh...

Kratos began drooling and foaming at the mouth

**Lloyd: **Ok, man! I'm making you quit, Cold Turkey!

**Kratos: **Cold Turkey?...ughhh...my turkey isn't cold...he's just really FAT...oohhh...

**Lloyd: **Ok, I'm not sure what to think right now...

Lloyd dragged Kratos out of the Gaming Area, and out the front door of the Wal-Mart. As they were heading to the car, they passed by

a woman pushing a baby carriage. Kratos pushed Lloyd away, and looked into the buggie. They was a small, no-more-then-1, baby girl

**Kratos:** ...ugh...hey, kid!!!...ooooo...don't think that your better then me!...Aaaaannnnddddd...Here's Johnny!!!!

**Baby: **Wahhhhhhh! Wahhhh!

**Woman: **You Freak!

_Smack_

The woman slugged Kratos in the face, and sent him sprawling

**Kratos: **Ohhhhhh...he got all of that one...and it's a long fly ball to left...it's going...going...PANCAKES!!!!!!!!

Kratos fell over. Lloyd picked him up and carried him to the car. As Lloyd put Kratos in the back seat, and walked around to the driver's

side, Kratos started foaming at the mouth again. His head then, started spinning, 360 degree's, and all the way around

**Kratos: **Xbox 360...360...360...360...pancakes!!!

Kratos lost the battle, but won the war

**Kratos: **Hey...who are you?...ugh...come here, you freak! Aghhhh!

The End...

**Kratos: **No it's not!..._you suck! _

**Writer: **Riiiight...anyways, stay tuned for the next chapter, when Kratos discovers DVD's and Cell Phones! Happy times, people!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Kratos on DVD**

**A/N: Next, we have Kratos, and the joy of DVD's! I hope he can handle this one, cause I have my doubts. Let's see what **

**happens!**

We now join our regularly scheduled program, already in progress...

**Kratos: **...and that's why I hate America!...oh?...are you writing my next chapter now?

**Writer: **Yeah...I told you to be ready, like 20 minutes ago

**Kratos: **Oh?...heh...well, eveyone out there knows that I love the American people! I love them all!

**Writer:** I'm sure you do! Now, let's just get this thing started!

**Kratos: **Alright...geez...

**Writer: **Ok, and we're rolling!

**Kratos: **I'm glad I'm no longer hooked on that, Xbox 360 thing!

**Lloyd: **Yeah! You were really freaking me out there!

**Kratos: **What else is there, that you can show me...but isn't so scary?

**Lloyd: **Well...oh! I know what to show you!

**Kratos: **What is it this time?

**Lloyd: **I can show you DVD's!

**Kratos: **D...V...D? It sounds like a coded message, sent to us by our home planet. D...would be Destroy, V...would be, Vitamin...

**Lloyd: **Great Horny Zelos...you're way off!

**Zelos: **Hey! I'm not that horny...am I?

**Everyone: **YES!

**Zelos: **oh...ok...

**Lloyd:** _Ahem_...Like I was saying...you're way off, Kratos!

**Kratos: **...I am?

**Lloyd: **DVD, stands for: Digital Video Disc!

**Kratos: **And what does that mean?

**Lloyd: **It's sort of like the Cruxis Projection Machine, except the pictures shown, are things that people have done, and their information

has been put on a disc...like this here!

Lloyd holds up a DVD disc, of the Uncensored version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He then popped the disc into the DVD

player, and hit play. Willy Wonka was walking along the screen, showing the kids his Chocolate Fountain

**Kratos: **You mean that those people are trapped in that little disc?!

**Lloyd: **No, that's not...

Kratos didn't hear Lloyd, as he flung himself at the DVD player, and started to hit the machine

**Kratos: **I will save all of you Disc people!

Kratos, not successful in opening up the DVD player, got up and looked mad. His eyebrow started to twitch

**Lloyd: **Kratos?...

**Kratos: **...

**Lloyd: **...?

**Kratos: **JUDGEMENT!!!

**Lloyd: **No!...WillyWonka!!!

Beams of light started to fly down and break through the roof of the house. Genis and Regal(Regal _still_ trying to beat Genis at the Game),

got caught in the cross-fire. One of the beams of light, came down and struck Regals' shackles. They broke off, and fell to the floor

**Genis: **Regal! Your free!You can do whatever you want now!

**Regal:** Yeah! You're right!...oh, Geeeeenis?

**Genis: **Uh...what is it?

**Regal: **I'm going to **_kill_** you!!!...in the next round of the game

Regal sat down and picked up his controller

**Genis: **You, are seriously disturbed, my friend!

Some of the other beams of light, hit Zelos, while he was asleep in his room. The first, hit him in the arm

_Smack_

**Zelos: **That's right, Girl! Come into my arms!

Another beam hit him in the leg

_Smack_

**Zelos: **Oh, yeah! Crawl up to me, Girl!

The last beam...bounced off his "Little Zelos"

_Smack!!_

**Zelos: **...!!!!...Aghhhhh!!! Bad Girl!!!

When Kratos' beams of light were all done, Willy Wonka and the DVD player, were still in one piece

**Lloyd: **Ohhhhh...thank god! Willy Wonka is still alive!

Lloyd picked up the DVD player and gave it a hug

**Lloyd: **I'll never leave your side again!...I love you, Willy...

A late beam of light, fell through the ceiling and hit the DVD player. It shoke and then crumbled into small, unrepairable pieces

**Lloyd: **...!...!

**Kratos: **Hah! Still got it!

**Lloyd: **No! Willy Wonkaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

**Kratos: **I'm sorry, Lloyd!...I know how much you'll miss your Willy!

**Zelos(Crawling into the room): **Not as much as I'll miss mine!...ugh...

**Kratos:** I hope that is the last of the DVD things, you are talking about!

**Lloyd: **No..._sniff_...there are lots more! Let's go to the video store! Maybe you can destroy some of their's, so I'm not the only one

suffering!

Lloyd and Kratos left the house and got into the car and left. Zelos, now able to stand up a little, looked around the room

**Zelos: **...ugh...I'm glad nobody is around right now!...Now, I can make a move on Sheena!...

A very late beam of light, fell through the ceiling and knocked Zelos in the head.

_SMACK! _

Zelos fell to the ground on his back

**Zelos: **...ugh...why am I the only one who suffers the most in these stories?...ugh...

Zelos faints

Once at the Blockbuster video store, Lloyd and Kratos walk through the door. The door had a bell that rung when the two entered the

store. Kratos heard this bell, screamed, yanked the bell off the door, threw it on the ground, and then stomped, up and down on it. After

that, they walked up and down the isles

**Kratos: **Are all of these things, those DVD's, that you were talking about?

**Lloyd: **Yup! And they are all categorized, by the Genre that they portray! Some are Funny, so they go in the "Comedy" section, some

others are serious, so they go in the "Drama" section! Others are Horror, Sci-Fi, Kids, Animated, and...Kratos?

Lloyd looked around but couldn't see Kratos anywhere. He finally found Kratos, walking towards a doorway, covered by a red curtain.

Above the door, there was a sign that read: **Adult Area! Must be 18 or older to enter**

**Lloyd: **Aghhh! Kratos! Don't go in there!

Lloyd was too late. Kratos pushed aside the red curtain, and walked into the room

**Kratos: **Hey, Lloyd! There's a lot more DVD's in here!...?...!!!...!!!!! AGHHH!!!!!!

Kratos came running out of the room, and jumped into Lloyd's arms

**Kratos: **...there...there...there were girls in there and...and, they had no clothes! And they were doing...they were doing..._bad_ things!

**Lloyd: **That was the Adult Area, Dad! That's the area for people that like to watch...um...you know...naked women!

**Kratos:** But...but...

**Lloyd: **It's ok, Dad! There's no more bad women, to hurt you! I found some good DVD's, so now we can go home!

Lloyd dragged Kratos to the counter to pay for the movies. After that, they got in the car and drove home. The sun was setting, and it

was getting dark

**Kratos: **Hey, son?

**Lloyd:** Yeah, Dad?

**Kratos: **...Remind me never to remarry!

**Lloyd:** Heh!...Sure thing, Dad!

The End...

**Zelos:** ...Is anyone out there, concerned that _I'm_ the one that gets beaten up in almost _every_ chapter?!

**Everyone: **NO!

**Zelos: **...ohhhh

_Smack_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Happy Birthday, Kratos!**

Lloyd came down that morning, jumping around the room. He landed in from of Kratos

**Lloyd: **Happy Birthday, Dad!

**Kratos: **Ugh...

**Lloyd: **Hey, Dad?...What's wrong? Don't you like Birthdays?...You hate Birthdays, don't you?!

**Kratos: **...What makes you say that?

**Lloyd: **Well, for one: You tore down all the ribbons, I hung up on the walls!

**Kratos: **I only did that, cause you chose all _Pink_!

**Lloyd: **Uh-oh!...Looks like someone is a little cranky, about getting a year older!

**Kratos: **I'm not worried about getting a year older! Only women worry about that!

**Lloyd: **Oh, really?...Remeber last Birthday? You got so annoyed, that you pulled all the Birthday

candles off your cake, and started throwing them at the kids!

**Kratos: **Oh, yeah...Heh! Remem...remember when I pegged that kid at 50 feet?! That was

awesome!...But that still doesn't mean that I hate Birthdays and getting older!

**Lloyd: **Oh, yeah?!...How 'bout when you got so drunk that night, you dropped your pants?

**Kratos: **Ohhhh, yeah! Heh...Man, that was insane! Did you see the look on that poor, little girls'

face?! Haha! Who knew that her mom was a cop?!

**Lloyd: **Yeah! And do you realize how many monsters I had to battle to earn enough Gald, to bail

you out?

**Kratos: **No...how many?

**Lloyd: **About 20,000!!!...I even had to rough up Genis a little, and steal his lunch money!

**Genis: **Yeah!...and you still owe me a "HotDog Tuesday"!

**Lloyd: **Like hell!

**Genis: **...but you promised!

**Lloyd: **Genis, Genis, Genis! If you paid attention to our adventure, you'd realize that I'm a lousy

person at keeping promises! Just ask Colette...or Zelos over there!

**Zelos: **Yeah..._cough_...you promised to get this bookshelf off me, and take me to the

Hospital!...oh, my spleen!

**Lloyd: **Aren't you dead yet?...

**Kratos: **Well, maybe I have a teensy problem with getting older...but I'm perfectly fine with

Birthday's! _Seeing as I robbed every shop in Sylvarant, that sold any Birthday supplies! Heh-heh!_

**Lloyd: **That's great!...Cause we decided on making your party ourselves! No store bought food,

decorations, or games! This year, it's "Make your own Birthday party"!!!

**Kratos: **Goddes Martel!...Kill me, now!

The gang told Kratos to leave the house, while they set up the festivities

**Kratos: **What am I supposed to do while you set up?

**Lloyd: **Here! These are tickets to a movie! Enjoy!

**Kratos: **Oh, boy...

Kratos left the house, and the gang went to work inside. As Kratos walked away from the house,

he could here them inside, as they moved around

**Sheena: **Hey, Lloyd?! The "Amazing Doltzini Bros." just called, and said they'd be happy to

perform at our party!

Kratos ran like hell into town

3 hours later, Kratos returned, after watching "Eragon"

**Kratos: **With a movie that bad...I'm kinda glad I'm returning home!

Kratos crossed the bridge, and looked up at the house

**Kratos: **Holy mother of Lloyd!

There was a banner, tied to a flagpole, on the roof of the house. It was high enough to let

everyone around see. The sign read, "**Happy 4030th Birthday, Kratos**!"

Kratos looked up in the air

**Kratos: **Goddess Martel?...What are you waiting for?!

Kratos walked up to the front door. He heard everyone scampering around, falling over things

**Kratos: **Let's hope I die before I get inside!...

Kratos opened the door

Everyone burst out

**Everyone: **Happy Birthday, Kratos!!!!

**Presea: **Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!!!...oops, my bad!

**Kratos: **At least they don't have a party hat to put on me...

**Lloyd: **Hey, Dad! Here's your hat!

Lloyd put the cone hat on Kratos' head. Kratos groaned and closed his eyes

**Lloyd: **We wanted this Birthday to be extra special, so I invited everybody that I could grab from

our adventure! There's the Mayor, Undine, Gnome, Shadow, Sonic the HedgeHog, Homer

Simpson, one of the dudes from "That 70's show"...

**Dude: **The name, is Kelso!

**Lloyd: **Yeah, whatever...anyways, where was I...oh, yeah! We also have, the new Govener-

General Neil, some guy from Asgard, a few Renegade soldier's, and Yuan of course!

**Kratos: **You brought Yuan here?...

He spotted Yuan in the corner, holding a small glass of punch, and a party hat on his head

**Yuan: **I only came, because that dumb kid of yours, beat me in another battle. I wanted to stay

home, and watch "According to Jim"! Also, my wife was like, _Yuan! You never ger out any more, _

_and you don't ever say you Love me anymore! _God, I can't figure out which is worse! Coming to

this party, or stay home and listen to that old hen!

**Colette: **Awww, look! The cookies are shaped like little angels...and horsies...yayy!

**Yuan: **...Ok, this is worse!

**Lloyd: **Ok, dad! Come on! You get to open presents right now!

**Kratos: **Boy...can't wait...

Kratos sat down beside Sheena and Genis, and started opening his presents. After five presents,

he had gotten a hammer, without any head, a book entitled, "10,000 ways to cook Cheese, a

set of dented Golf clubs, with the 7 Iron missing, a pair of high heels, and an Ant Farm

**Lloyd: **Isn't this great, Dad?!

**Kratos: **Yeah...just peachy...

**Lloyd: **Now, open mine!

Lloyd handed Kratos his gift. Kratos opened it up, with expectations, that it was something bad.

When he opened it up, he found out that it was a picture frame, of Kratos holding a baby Lloyd,

as he slept. Kratos looked a little shocked, and then smiled a little

**Lloyd: **Dad says he got this from the Hospital! It's the picture of me, when I was first born!

Kratos looked at the picture, and got teary eyed

**Kratos: **Thank you, Lloyd!...I guess I had forgotten all that I had known of you, from the past!

You were such a beautiful baby!

**Everyone: **Awwwww!

**Yuan: **Hmph!...My baby won the Baby Beauty Contest, 3 years in a row! Nobody is "Awwing"

over my kid!

**Regal: **You only won those contest, because you threatened the Judges, that you would sic the

Goddess Martel on them, if they didn't choose your baby!

**Yuan: **...Hmph! It's not like they could have beaten me anyways! My little girl had a big, red bow

on her head! Don't tell me, that isn't cute!

**Writer: **Ok, ok! Break it up! The mushy parts ends here! This is a comedy story! Let's continue!

**Lloyd: **Now it's time for the cake!

Coming around the corner, was Raine and Zelos, pushing a large, white cake, with pink frosting.

On the top of the cake, there were 3 Angel Goddesses, holding hands, dancing around the cake,

in a circle

**Kratos: **..._sigh_...I hope I burn my face, blowing out the candles!

**Lloyd: **Now make a wish, Dad!

Kratos thought for a second, and then, leaned forward. He took a deep breath, and blew. All,

but one of the candles, blew out

**Genis: **Haha! Kratos has a Girlfriend! Kratos is a softy! Kratos is a softy! La-la-la-la-la-la!

**Kratos: **Hey, Genis?...

**Genis: **Hehe...yeah?

Kratos grabbed Genis by the scruff of the neck, and flung him out the window.

**Kratos: **Why don't you go outside and play?!

**Lloyd: **Now to eat some cake!

**Kratos: **...Sure, why not?

Lloyd held back a laugh, and then grabbed Kratos, by the back of the head, and plowed his face

into the cake. Everyone gasped, and then laughed their heads off. Kratos lay in the cake for a

second, and then pulled himself up. A large piece of cake, stuck to his left eye. He stood up

from the table, and looked at Lloyd. Lloyd flinched.

**Kratos: **Oh, Son?!...

**Lloyd: **Ya, Dad?...

**Kratos: **Have some cake!!!

Kratos, now grabbed Lloyd by the neck, and flung him into the cake. Lloyd hit the cake and

knocked the table over. He fell to the floor, and knocked over a box, covered by a blanket.

When Lloyd knocked it over, it rattled, and Kratos knew that it was a cage. Then, a screaming

rose up. Not the screaming of a person or child, but the screaming of a monkey. Soon, more

monkey screams joined in. Then, the cages wobbled, and then the doors flew open.

**Kratos: **Oh, god, No!

Before anyone knew what was going on, about 12 monkey's, started to jump around the room.

**Monkey Group: **Akkkkk! Akkk! AKKKK!

The monkey's began to jump around the room, going their own way. Lloyd and the rest, got

into gear, and tried to capture the monkey's.

**Monkey Group: **Oohhh...Akkkk! Akkkk! Ak!

Monkey's were flying everywhere, screaming, Lloyd and the others were chasing them around,

Colette was busy prancing around, singing "Happy little Monkey's", and Yuan just stood in the

corner, eating an Angel cookie.

"Sounds a little like my last marriage...," Yuan sighed. Out of nowhere, a monkey jumped down

on Yuan's head, and started yanking his hair

**Monkey: **Ack! Akkk! AKK!

**Yuan: **Not the hair! Not the hair! Oww...oww!

**Monkey Group: **Ackkk! Ackk! Akkk!

**Lloyd: **Catch that Monkey!

**Colette(Singing): **Happy, Happy, little Monkey!

**Kratos: **Happy birthday...to me! Happy birthday...to me!

Kratos grabbed a fork and plate, and ate a piece of cake

**Writer:** Happy Birthday, Kratos!

**Kratos: **Bite me!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey, guys! How you enjoying my stories, thus far? I'm having fun, so it should **

**also be known, that you are too! Anyways, my next two chapters(including this one), **

**are a little strange. This one, in particular, is a more uncensored take on the group. **

**Don't worry! There's no nudity, or raunchy bits, but the language and actions, are all **

**scary. Anyhow, enjoy, and hope that this one doesn't scare you, too much!**

**Chapter 9: Behind the Scenes**

**Writer: **Ok, guys! Let's huddle in here!

All the tales gang, come over to the writer, and stood around him

**Writer: **Ok! I'm here to enforce some strict rules, cause I see a lot of you are not following the

rules of the story, so far!

**Lloyd: **But you make us work so many hours without rest!

**Writer: **Silence swine!

The writer whips Lloyd

**Lloyd: **Owwieee!

**Writer: **Every last one of you, are being disobedient, when it comes to following rules!

**Colette: **Even me?

**Writer: **Especially, you!

**Colette: **Oh...

**Writer: **So, I have made up a list of things that I want all of you to follow! I have some business

to take care of, so when I come back, I expect to have all of you memorize this page!

The writer posted up a sign on the wall, and then left. He left, and the group to look at the

paper, to see what was in store for them

**Genis: **Aw, man! He put up a rule, that we can't use magic to torture the rest of the group!

**Regal: **A rule that we can't kill anyone, under any circumstances?! That's absurd!!!

**Raine: **No food shall be prepared by Raine! _What_ is so bad about my cooking?!

**Zelos: **No hitting on girls?! Especially girls who are not old enough yet?! Damn!

**Lloyd: **Ya, Zelos! So, that means no: Colette or Presea!

**Zelos: **Hey, wait a sec! Presea is really 28! She's old enough!

**Lloyd: **Actually, since she is in the body of a 12 year old, she's off limits!

**Zelos: **Aw, man!...Hey, Colette? Looks like it's only me and you! Sound like fun?

**Colette: **Oh?...Well, I know what could be fun?

**Zelos: **What is that...my little Angel?

Colette smiled, and then got a evil look on her face. She then proceeded to grab Zelos by his

CrankShaft, and raised him above her head

**Zelos: **Agh!...Colette!...Owww! This isn't cool!

Colette then flung Zelos away, making him land in the pile of Art supplies, near the corner

**Raine: **That enough Colette!

**Colette: **Can it, you old hag!

**Everyone: **...

**Raine: **Wha...what did you call me?

**Colette: **I called you an _Old Hag_! Turn up your hearing aid, Grandma!

**Raine: **Why you little...!!!

Raine jumped at Colette and knocked her down. Colette landed on her back, and Raine fell on

top of her. Colette reached up and grabbed Raine by the hair

**Raine: **Aghh...!

**Colette: **Hope you like the bald look, cause I'm going to tear every last hair, out of you!

**Lloyd: **Colette...stop!

Regal put his shackled hands, on Lloyd's shoulders

**Regal: **No, Lloyd! Let the girls get out their frustration!

**Lloyd: **Hey!!...Don't touch me, you murderous freak!...You want them to kill each other, don't

you?! How far are you willing to go, to satisfy your sick need for killing!!

**Regal: **Um...Lloyd? I am not a real murderer...I only play that in the game...Remember?

**Lloyd: **Don't lie to me...you bastard!!

Lloyd lunged at Regal and knocked him down. Lloyd went for his swords, but Genis intervened,

and grabbed Lloyd by the arm

**Genis: **Lloyd!! Don't do something you'll regret...This isn't how we should be acting! We're all

friends, whether it's in the game, or in real life!

**Lloyd: **...

**Genis: **_Sigh_...Lloyd?

**Lloyd: **Die you half-elf midget!!!

Lloyd took a swing at Genis with his free arm, and belted Genis across the head, knocking him

away. Genis fell down, got up, felt his face, and looked at the blood that came from his cut

**Genis: **...You little...I'll rip out your heart for that!!! Yahhhhh!!!!

Genis went all Gung-Ho on Lloyd, screaming like Xena, Warrior Princess, and body slammed Lloyd.

Regal(who is still underneath Lloyd), grabbed Lloyd by the neck

**Regal: **You want a fight, Little Red Riding Hood?...You got it! Eat this!!!

Regal reared back his head, and then lunged forward. His head smacked with Lloyd's, and sent

him flying, right into Genis's arms. Genis caught him, and flipped him backwards. Lloyd landed on

his head. All this time, Zelos was the only one, not involved in a fight

**Zelos: **_Oh, my nards still ache_...but I'm glad that I'm not being targeted, anymore!

**Sheena: **Oh, really?!

Zelos turned around, to find Sheena looking at him, standing with her arms crossed

**Zelos: **Hey?!...Sheena! How's it going? How's that whole thing with your temper doing?...Cured,

I hope?

**Sheena: **Not really! I was looking to do what Regal suggested...take out my frustration on you!

**Zelos: **Whoa, now Sheena! Let's not get crazy! I know that you and me have had our share of

hard times, but that doesn't mean that we have to...die, bitch!!!

Zelos spun around and jump kicked Sheena in the chest, she flew back, and hit the wall

**Sheena: **Ugh...

**Zelos: **Ya!!! That's right, you purple cow! Outside of the game, I'm a Black Belt in Martial Arts!

Let's see you kick my ass now! Haha!

**Sheena: **Ugh...heh! You think you're the only one with moves to fight with?! I'll have you know

that the reason I got the part of a Ninja, is because my Father is a Japanese Descendent of the

"Lin Kuei" Clan! I can kill you five times before you make your next blink!

**Zelos: **Then, bring it, you Ninja Prune!

Sheena ran like a mad bull, and lunged at Zelos. The two of them fought, with a little Naruto,

Crouching Tiger, and Matrix, mixed in. With Raine fighting Colette, Regal, Lloyd and Genis,

going at it, and now Zelos and Sheena, it looked as if all hell had broken loose. Just then,

Presea walked out of the Washroom, and took a look around

**Raine: **You Blonde Skank!! I still hate you for getting the part of the Chosen and not me!

**Lloyd: **I'll kill you!...By killing you, I'll save humanity from anymore killing!

**Zelos: **I'm glad that you like being on top of me so much, Sheena, baby! If only you knew of

all the things I could do to you, from this position!

**Presea: **_sigh_...Why am I the only the one, who actually acts their age?!...Well...their _real_ age

anyways...oh, whatever! At least that gives me a chance to get a snack!

Presea walked over to the snack table and went to pick up a Doughnut. Just then, another

hand went for the same Doughnut. Presea looked over and saw the girl that played her dead

sister, Alicia

**Alicia: **Well, well! Looks like we went for the same Doughnut...

**Presea: **Ya, isn't that funny! Heh...

**Alicia: **Ya...

**Presea: **It's a good thing that we're not like the others, and fight over such stupid things,

right?

**Alicia: **Oh, definitely!...

**Presea: **Heh...I guess we set a good example, right?

**Alicia: **Yeah, without a doubt!...So, um...heh...Presea?...You wouldn't mind if I had the last

Doughnut, would you? I didn't have a very big Breakfast, and I get kind of cranky, if I don't

eat! Hehe...

**Presea: **Hehe...not a chance, sissy! I like the Jelly filled ones, and if I have to...I'll chop off

your arm to get it!...Nothing personal! Heh...

**Alicia: **Oh, yeah?...heh...well, I also like the Jelly ones, and I can get really hostile, if I don't

get what I want! How do you think I got the part of your sister?...Good looks? Great

Acting?...Like hell! I beat the crap out of the other girls, and was the only one left, at the

audition try-outs!

**Presea: **Then, bring it, sister!!

**Alicia: **Gladly!...

Presea made the first move, and lunged at Alicia, ramming her in the gut. She knocked her

down, and crashed into the food table

**Presea: **So, you want the last Doughnut huh?...Then, here have it!!!

Presea grabbed the Doughnut, grabbed Alicia by the hair, and crammed it into her mouth

**Alicia: **Gahhh...aghh..ugh...

The entire group was now, on the ground, tearing each other apart. Just then, the writer came

in and saw what was going on

**Writer: **Dear god!!!...What the hell are you people doing?! Do you have no dignity left? Are you

all just animals now? What am I to...

Just as he was speaking, a chair came flying at him, and hit him in the head. He fell over and

landed on his back. Everyone realized what just happened, and stopped their fighting

**Writer: **...ugh...why you little freaks and idiots! I guess that I haven't been whipping you

enough! I think it's time that I enforced some Smack Down on your asses!!!

The group looked at him in shock, and then looked at each other. They then, all smiled at the

same time, and looked back up at the Writer

**Writer: **What's everybody smiling at?...You want an extra whipping?!

**Lloyd: **Unfortunately for you, I think this story is in need of a different writer!...and I think that

new writer, or I should say _writer's_, are us!

**Writer: **What?! _You _write your own stories?! I'd rather sleep on a bed of nails, in a snake pit!

**Genis: **Sorry, mister! But we have the advantage now! Get him, Presea!

**Writer: **What the...?!

Presea jumped up, and knocked over the writer. Alicia, went for his legs, and started to bite

them

**Writer: **Aghhhh...!!!

Everyone then joined in, and dog piled him. They all had their fair share of attacks, and eventually

beat the living shit, out of the writer

**Lloyd: **Well, it looks like we have the story board, all to ourselves! What should we right?

**Colette: **I wanna write about me being a beautiful princess, who gets saved by the handsome

prince!

**Genis: **I want to write all about my adventures, in an all Half-Elf land!

**Zelos: **A story about how I score with all the chicks...regardless of age!

**Regal: **A story of Mittens, the wonder cat!

**Everyone: **...?...?...__

**Regal: **Um...I mean, a story of murder and betrayal!

**Genis: **_Riiiiight_...

The gang started to chat amungst themselves, and storm ideas. 8 Hours later, they had their

stories on paper, and were ready to start typing it up

**Lloyd: **Alright now!...How should we begin?...Oh, I know!

**Funny Duck Productions**

**Presents...**

** A Lloyd Irving Presentation**

**Zelos: **Yo, dude?! That ain't right! If these are stories that we all take part in, then we should _all _

get credit!

**Everyone: **Yeah!

**Lloyd: **Alright, alright...keep your pants on!

**Zelos: **Oh...sorry!

Zelos pulled up his pants

**Lloyd: **Ok, then...now to make the changes...

** Funny Duck Productions**

**Presents...**

** A Lloyd Irving, Genis and Professor Sage, Colette Brunel, **

** Zelos Wilder, Presea Combatier, Regal Bryant, Sheena **

** Fujibayashi, and Kratos Aurion Presentation**

**Lloyd: **So, is that better, everyone?

**Zelos: **I like it! My name looks so good on that script! I'm a born star!

**Regal: **What do you mean? You're already a star! You've been in the Tales of Symphonia game!

So, you've already been a star!

**Zelos: **Don't rain on my parade, ok, Shackle Boy?

**Raine: **Let's try and hurry up! I want to get this story printed and on the air, before the end of

the day!

**Colette: **I should tell everyone now, that I don't do nude scenes!

**Lloyd: **Too late, Colette! I've already typed up 4 nudes scenes!

**Colette: **..._sigh_...As long as it's not with Zelos, I guess I have no choice...

**Lloyd: **Actually...each nude scene you're in, has one of the guys in it. One scene for each of the

guys!

**Colette: **Eww...that means that I have to be naked with Regal and Genis?!

**Genis: **Aw, yeah! I get to see Colette naked!

**Regal: **I am particularly happy with this script! Bring on the babes!

**Everyone: **...?

**Regal: **Duh...I mean, I am highly against this!

**Raine: **What a disgusting old man, you are!

**Regal: **What are you talking about?! I'm only 10 years older then you!...And you should be one

to talk...you had the hots for Lloyd in the game! Remember the Flanoir scene? That attraction

between you two was _not_ in the script. The director didn't have the time to cancel that scene

out, so he had to put it in!

**Raine: **..._blush_...

**Colette: **I can live with the fact that Regal will see me naked, by Genis?! That kid is a horny little

half-elf...plus, he's got a thing for Mithos!

**Genis: **ugh?...Do not!

**Colette: **Oh, really? Then, why were you the one who always insisted on being in every scene

that Mithos was in, even if you didn't get to talk or do anything?

**Genis: **Um...uh...damn!

**Lloyd: **Ok, done! Now, we can air this, as a story line to a sequel, for the game!

**Raine: **Then, let's get this finished! The animations, for the game, shouldn't take anymore than a

few months! Let's go!

6 Years Later...

**Lloyd: **After all this, we were able to get a huge amount in sales! "Tales of Symphonia:

Uncensored" is a hit!

**Colette: **And it's all because of you Lloyd!

**Genis: **Can I see you naked again, Colette?

**Colette:** No! For the hundredth time, you will never see me naked again!

**Genis: **oh...well, it was sure worth it, while it lasted!

**Zelos: **This calls for a celebration! Party at my place!

**Everyone: **Yaaay!

Everyone got on a Rehaird, and flew to Zelos' place, where they had a great time. Meanwhile,

Kratos was running as fast as his short angel legs, would carry him. He ran hard and got into the

building, where the gang had done the writing for the game.

_I hope I'm not late, I hope I'm not late! _Kratos, yelled at himself, as he burst through the doors.

Nobody was there. It was totally deserted

"Aw, crap!" Kratos whined.

Sorry Kratos, maybe next time...maybe next time

**Colette: **Oh, god! Don't tell me I have to do a nude scene with that guy, next time?!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: The UnFantastic Eight and Bob**

We join the gang, beating up an old man on the ground

**Lloyd: **Tell us where Hero Mountain is, old man!

**Old Man: **I...I...think...you want that guy over there...

The old man pointed to his right, where a guy in a cape, mask, and a black robe, stood laughing

**Lloyd: **Ah, damn!

Lloyd dropped the old man and got up. The man in black, turned to run away

**Evil Man: **Try and catch me if you can! HAHAHA!

The evil guy turned to run, but fell over a crouton on the ground. The gang killed him.

**Lloyd: **Well, now! Let's go to Hero Mountain!

**Genis: **Um, Lloyd?!... You just killed the guy, before he could tell us where Hero Mountain was!

**Lloyd: **?...Aw, crap!

**Genis: **_sigh_...

**Regal:** Look at this! There's a map on the window of this shop...It's shows us exactly where to

find the Mountain!

**Zelos: **Great, now we can get to the mountain, and all become SuperHeroes!

**Genis: **Oh, really?!...You just want to get there, to see if any chicks live there!

**Zelos: **Oh, well...that too! Every SuperHero place, has a hot chick walking around somewhere!

Haven't you ever watched cartoons, before?!

**Genis: **I'm way too busy, fighting monsters, and trying to get into a university, that will serve no

purpose to my future life!

The gang ripped the map off the window, and headed out, in search of Hero Mountain. Jump

ahead 8 hours later, and the gang finally get to the steps of the Mountain. Everyone is exhausted

and tired, but they keep going

**Regal: **I may have more power in my legs, then my arms, but even I have limits!

**Lloyd: **We're almost there...only another 5...hundred more steps to go?...ohhhh...

Upon looking up, the staircase of only five steps high, went over a small hill, and then went up

another big hill, that reached up into the sky. They could not see the top, from the ground

**Everyone: **...ohhh...

Another 8 hours later, and the gang finally make it to the front door of the castle. Lloyd knocked

on the door. After a few seconds of waiting, a window, up high on the door, opened up and out

popped a man, with a long mustache

**Mustache Man: **Who goes there?...wait no, it's uh...what business...no...um...what do ya

want?

**Lloyd: **We have come to see the Great Wizard, who gave us this invitation, stating that we can

become SuperHeroes!

**Mustache Man: **Ugh...what?!...You can't see the Great Wizard! Nobody has ever seen the

Great Wizard...not even me...well, except for that one time, when I accidentally walked in on

him, when he was taking a shower...ugh...that man seriously needs to shave!

**Zelos: **Just let us in, you Mario reject! I want to see all the pretty girl Heroines in there!

**Mustache Man: **There's no girl's in here...we haven't had a woman in here, since '83...and even

then she wasn't that pretty. Have you ever tried staring into a face that resembles a plane

crash?! So, you can't come...huh?!

A poke to the back made the Mustache Man, look behind him, where the gang was standing.

**Mustache Man: **...ugh?...How the hell did you get in?!

**Zelos: **Back door!

**Mustache Man: **Awwww...well, fine! Come with me, you mischievous kids!

The Mustache Man led the gang through a door, and into a large room

**Mustache Man: **The master is on the top floor...I hope you don't mind some stairs?

The gang looked up, and saw a staircase of more then a five hundred stairs

**Regal: **Oh, come on!

Another 8 hours and they finally make it to the top

**Sheena: **That...was...painful...

**Mustache Man: **I feel fine

He led them to another large door, and opened it. He led them in, and told them to wait there.

Another 8 hours...just kidding...after only 8 _minutes_, a big bang made everyone jump. In front of

them, they saw a large can, sitting at the back of the room. When the smoke cleared, the label

on the can, read "Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup"

**Big Random Voice: **Who dares to ask an audience with the Great Wizard!!!

**Lloyd: **Um...we, the Tales gang, do! ...? Um...?...are you the Mustache Man from before...cause

your voice sounds very similar to his...and I can see him talking into a microphone, a few feet

away!

The gang looked to their left, to see the Mustache Man, screaming into a microphone, and

spinning a few dials

**Big Random Voice: **NO! That is not me...or him...or that servant of mine...I am the great

and...buzzz...zzzzz...buzzz...ah, crap, not again...Yo, Jeff?! You said you fixed this damn mike!

**Jeff: **I though I did!...Hang on...

Coming out of a door, near the giant soup can, came a man, that began walking over to the guy

talking into the mike, trying his best to dodge anybody trying to spot him...even though he was

in plain sight

**Big Random Voice: **Uh...uh...WAIT A FEW MINUTES...WHILE THE GREAT WIZARD TRIES TO

FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK THIS DAMN THING!!!

The gang watch as Jeff, tried and fix the problem. Everyone sighed and looked at each other,

while Jeff, made things worse. Sparks flew, and a small fire now was forming on the control

panel

**Lloyd: **Um...Mr. Mustache?

**Mustache Man: **The names, Henry Fiddler!

**Lloyd: **Ok...Mr. Fiddler...

**Mr. Fiddler: **Call me, Henry!

**Lloyd: **Ok...Henry! Why not give it up! Nobody believes that the Great Wizard is real!

**Henry: **Oh...I am no Wizard!...

**Genis: **We figured that much out by ourselves!

**Presea: **Why would you pretend to be a Great Wizard? Are you really a Superhero?

**Henry: **I am a real SuperHero, yes, but my real name is The Great Mustacheo! My Super Power

is to make my Mustache grow bigger and choke people...How lame is that?!

**Regal: **Pretty lame!

**Henry: **...

**Regal: **Uh...I mean, all hail, the Great Mustacheo!

**Henry: **Oh, whatever! Anyway, what do you kids want?

**Lloyd: **We got your invitation, and want to become SuperHeroes!

**Henry: **But?...You already are SuperHeroes...you have your own game...I'm playing it right

now...by the way, whoever thought up that damn level, in Rodyle's Ranch, using that stupid ring

to move around that impossible, platform maze, using sound, is a moron! It took me nine tries to

get it right! Everybody looked at Zelos

**Zelos: **Ok...ok! Maybe it was a little extreme...but I needed something to fill the void in between

the entrance and Rodyle!

**Henry: **I'm also guessing that the Red, Blue and Green warp area, was your idea too?!

**Zelos: **cough...cough...

**Henry: **I thought so...anyhow...come with me, and I shall give you your powers!

The group walked with Henry, and walked into a room, that had a bunch of see-through closets,

with a bunch of costumes in it

**Zelos: **Oh, boy! I get to wear tights!

**Sheena: **Oh, god!...That means that you're going to show off your bulging crotch to everyone,

aren't you?!

**Zelos: **Oh course! Why else would I wear it? Hahaha!

**Henry: **Ok, now...I shall give you the powers you seek! Lloyd...

**Lloyd: **Yeah?

**Henry: **This is your costume...you are now known as: Red Steel!

**Lloyd: **!!!...Why must my red suit stand out that much?

**Henry: **Genis...and Presea...

Presea and Genis, smiled at each other

**Henry: **You two shall be known as: The Midget Kids!

**Genis: **Midgets...?

**Presea: **Kids...?

**Henry: **Sheena...you are the epitome of hotness...so you will be known as: The Naughty Ninja!

**Sheena: **_sigh_...I can't believe that I now have an identity, that flaunts my hot body!

**Henry: **Regal...you are the one who uses only your feet, bound with shackles, that make you

feared...or something like that...you my friend...are: The Shackler!

**Regal: **Ok...I know my shackles are a punishment, but now I have to make them a symbol of

who I am?

**Henry: **Colette...that's easy...you are: The Dumb Blonde!

**Colette: **_sigh..._

**Henry: **We now come to Zelos...you are pretty and powerful...you are: The Red Scarlet!

**Zelos: **How many times do I have to say...I am not a girl...and I'm not gay!

**Henry: **And finally Raine! You have a nasty temper...and you should harness it! So, I give you

the title of: Sister Pain!

**Raine: **I like it!...I'm bringing the pain! Yahhhh!

**Henry: **I now give you, your new identities and team. Together you make the Fantastic

Eight!...Oh, and your extra friend, Kratos...he's known as: Bob!

**Kratos: **I never said I wanted to be a SuperHero!...Remember? Angel of Cruxis! Bad guy!

Hellooo?!

**Henry: **Hush up, Bob! Now, go my Heroes and save the day!

**Everyone: **Yayyy!

The group turned around and ran for the door. They all fell over their capes and hit the ground

**Henry(Shaking his head): **...Humanity is doomed!

After the a few hours, the group was away, saving the day. Genis and Presea saved a bunch of

kids from a bully, Lloyd cut up a bunch of bank robbers, Sheena ran for her life from a group of

drunken frat boys, and Kratos...Kratos just hid in the corner

**Zelos: **I love this!...I don't know why I didn't become a SuperHero, sooner! Come to me, my

beauties! Your lovely Zelos is here, to save the day!

**Girls: **Oh...my hero!!!

A hoard of girls, began running towards Zelos. They all screamed for joy, and rushed over

**Zelos: **Oh, yesss!...How great it is to be a beautiful SuperHero...I feel the love!

The girls ran over...and passed by Zelos

**Zelos: **Huh?...

Zelos looked behind him, to see the girls running like mad, at Kratos, who cowered in the corner,

upon their arrival

**Girls: **Oh, Bob!!!

**Zelos: **I can't believe that they like that nobody! I'm so un-loved...

The group finished off their opponents and talked about their experience

**Colette: **My Superpower is to shoot Nerf balls out of my butt!...That's so lame!

**Presea: **All I can do, is bite peoples ankles and tackle them...We are _so_ not Super Heroes!

**Zelos: **The girls seem to like, Mr. I'm-too-good-to-be-a-SuperHero!

**Lloyd: **My swords are only made of bread!

**Genis:** My Kendama only shoots out bubbles...

**Raine: **I thought I would have the power to whoop the asses of people not following my

rules...but apparently, I can't beat people up, just for the heck of it..._sucks_...

The group got up, and left, leaving Kratos in the corner, with all the girls

**Kratos: **...

After the group left, Kratos got up, out of the corner, and walked out into the street

**Kratos: **...

Kratos raised his arms, high into the air

**Kratos: **I don't want to be Bob anymore!!!...I want a real Identity!!!

Back at the Great Wizard's castle, the group complained about their powers

**Zelos: **What the hell is the point of being a pretty SuperHero, if you can't get the chicks?!

**Henry: **I am sorry...I am a very bad Wizard...I don't have the energy of a young guy anymore!

My equipment to make other people Super, are all rusty and almost useless!

**Genis: **I can't fight like the cool guy I am, with my weapon shooting bubbles!...

**Genis: **You're right...the bubbles suit my weak, dumb self, perfectly!

**Henry: **I can't help you...I'm sorry...I'm a failure. Just leave me be...

The gang looked at each other, and then left quietly, so Henry could be by himself. After they

left, Henry got up, and walked over to his computer

**Henry: **Computer!...Show me the image from Satellite 1B7!

The computer did a little blinking, and then displayed the image on the large screen. It showed

Kratos, running in the streets, from the girls

**Henry: **I now command you, Bob!...Destroy the city!!!

Bzzzz...

**Kratos: **!!...

**Henry: **You are my greatest creation! Now destroy all the people of the city...but leave the

Frozen Yogurt Shop intact! They make the best, Cherry Chocolate Blast Yogurt!

**Kratos: **Understood! Kill Yogurt Shop...Leave People alone!

**Henry: **No, no, no! I said kill people, save the yogurt!!! Get it right, you numbskull!!!

**Kratos: **Kill Yogurt people! Kill Yogurt people!

**Henry: **_sigh_...I guess this is what you get, when you get contracting from the lowest priced

business, to make your creations for you..._sigh_...

**News Anchor: **In news today...A man in purple leotards, is destroying downtown Palmacosta!

Information is limited right now, but from what we can gather, the man goes only by the name

of "Bob"!

**Lloyd: **That's dad...I mean Kratos! We have to do something!

**Sheena: **Like what?...We have useless powers...we can't save the planet

**Lloyd: **We don't need them...we have ExSpheres!

**Genis: **Lloyd! Don't you remember...we gave our Exspheres away to that Henry guy, to pay for

the powers, and they aren't refundable!

**Lloyd: **Well, we can't just sit here! Gather your weapons...we'll do the best we can to take him

down!

**Sheena: **You're right! Let's go kick some Kratos butt...aw, geez! Zelos...do you have to open

your legs so much?...It's like looking at a moldy pile of plums!

**Zelos: **hehehe...

The gang got up, and headed out, in order to take down the terrible Bob. Upon arriving at the

site, Kratos had taken out most of Palmacosta

**Regal: **Oh, man! He destroyed the Yogurt shop! That place made the best, Rocky Road Banana!

**Lloyd: **Ok, guys! Let's roll!

The team jumped up in the air, and charged Kratos

**Kratos: **Aghhhh!

**Lloyd: **Take this!...Demon Bread Fang!

**Genis: **Feel the wrath of my bubbles..._oh, god that's lame_...Bubble Barrage!

**Zelos: **Hiya! Feel the pain of my beauty..._sigh_...Rose Petal Storm!

**Sheena: **I call upon the Crusty Doughboy of Pasty...come, Pillsbury!

Sheena does her Summoning thing, and brings the pain

**PillsBury DoughBoy: **Hoho! You want some bread?! Have some Day Olds! Ha!

A shower of bread came raining down on Kratos. Loud thumps could be heard, as the stiff and

hard bread, made contact with their target

**Lloyd(And Sheena, in a Unison Attack): **You ready?...Pillsbury Fang!

**Kratos: **Aghhh!! Oww...stop it...you're mean! I'm telling...

**Regal: **Have a piece of me...Shackle Driver!

Regal punched Kratos, knocking him down

**Kratos: **Aghhh...not fair! Cheater!!!

**Presea: **Feel the power of my Rattle..._I can't believe that Henry gave me a Rattle, over my _

_Axe_...Rattle Smack!

**Kratos: **Aghhhh!

**S M A S H**

**Lloyd: **We did it...we defeated Bob!

**Zelos: **There's a line you don't hear, everyday...

**Genis(Talking to himself): **Maybe if the bubbles were poisonous, they would be more of a

threat...but they're just normal bubbles...

Kratos...or "Bob"...regained consciousness

**Kratos: **Oh...man...what happened to me?...

**Zelos: **You, my friend, went on a rampage and destroyed the city! Not cool!

**Kratos: **...oh

**Lloyd: **Let's go home now, Dad!

**Kratos: **Ok...

The group got up, and headed for home. Kratos looked behind him, to see the destruction he

had made

**Kratos: **For the protection of this city...I will be Bob...no more!!!

**Zelos: **There's another line you don't hear everyday...

**Genis: **I'm glad I don't have to use my bubble Kendama, anymore...that was humiliating!

**Zelos: **Ohhh, but you will, my sweet, little, bubbly half-elf! You will entertain along side me, as I

perform at children's birthday parties!

**Genis: **Oh, god, noooo!

A few days later, Genis and Zelos were booked solid for the next 5 months, with parties. The

rest of the group, decided to keep a low profile, with their powers, and only use them for good.

Lloyd used his bread swords to feed the hungry, Colette used her nerf ball technique to play with

adopted animals from shelters, Presea chopped down trees, with her biting ability and helped

make houses for the homeless. Regal...Regal...?...I guess became a cop and helped arrest

people...the guy has no power, sheesh. Raine used her powerful rage to become a WWE

wrestler. She laid the Smack down on multiple guys, including: Kurt Angle and Big Show.

Everyone had used their powers for good, and were happy, now that their land was saved from

evil. Kratos, who had nothing to give, spent most of his time, playing on his Xbox 360. He was

very bored with it, and didn't look amused.

**Kratos: **_sigh..._

Kratos sighed, and looked around. He looked out the open window and saw a dog, walking

around the yard, looking for a place to pee. Kratos got an evil look on his face, and looked

around to make sure nobody was looking. He then held out on arm, and pointed his hand at the

dog. As the dog held up it's leg to pee, it whimpered, and blew to pieces. Kratos laughed to

himself, as his eyes glowed red

**Lloyd: **Hey, dad! Wanna play?

**Kratos: **...hehe...sure...!

The two sat down and began to play a game of NHL'07. After a few minutes, Lloyd held up his

head and smelt the air

**Lloyd: **I've heard of "wet dog"...but do you smell "_burning_ dog"?!

Kratos looked around, trying not to notice

**Kratos: **...I don't smell anything...let's keep playing...

The two went on with the game, as the smoldering pile of dog, burned in the yard

**Kid: **Aghhh!...Buddy! Nooo!!!

**A/N: First, I'm not a pet hater, and second, I'm not an evil person that likes to write **

**stories about dog's blowing up, or cat's getting pushed through wood chippers, or **

**choking someone to death with a snake...I'm a normal, average joe, that's likes to **

**write nice, clean stories...this one however, I went a different direction, and I won't **

**do it again...promise...(hums to self)...well, maybe one more teensy story, involving a **

**hamster, and a nuclear testing site...but nothing too extreme...after all...I'm not a **

**monster!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Here is a random chapter, that I'd like to include on here. I don't know why I **

**made it, it just kind of came to me. Hope you like random stuff, like: Alternate, After **

**battle cheers, and just random lines, that are just plain funny. Ya...that's the whole **

**story. Kinda lame, but funny. Enjoy! Oh, and the (88888), means a different battle!**

**Chapter 11: The Random point of the Universe**

**Random Lines**

Colette...is...Robocop!

**Lloyd:** Zelos, let go of my Twinkie!

**Kratos: **Who's your daddy, Lloyd?

**Kratos: **Pull my finger!

**Kratos: **Lloyd!..._I_ am your father!

**Zelos: **I'm a daddy!

**Kratos(singing): **I believe I can fly!!!

**Random Rhyming**

Raine is a pain

Dirk is a Jerk

Collete lost a bet

Genis lost his Penis

Sheena the Hyena

Regal the Beagal

Presea won't pay ya

Kratos plays the Lotto's

Seles is a mess

Lloyd was destroyed

**Let's Reschedule**

**Monster: **Aghhh!...I am Genti, lord of the Underworld!...You shall all fear me?!! HAHAHAHA!"

**Lloyd: **Why?...

**Monster: **Um...uh...?..well, because I'm from a scary place...and um...I got a really scary voice, that makes you shiver...um, right?"

**Lloyd: **No really...

**Zelos: **I've had bad hair day's, worse looking, then you!

**Monster: **Oh?...well, still want to fight, anyways...cause my master, _'who you haven't met yet, until four more hours into the game'_,

will kind of be ticked off at me, if I don't kill you...so?...what do you say?"

**Lloyd: **Seems kind of pointless, now...You don't scare us, and the moment has kind of been ruined...maybe next time?

**Monster: **Ok...sure...what time is good for you?...How about...tomorrow at 2?

**Lloyd: **Ohhh...sorry...that's the day we hope to storm your castle and defeat your master, once and for all...kind of a bad time, for us...

**Monster: **Oh...well, maybe some time next week?

**Lloyd: **Sorry...school!

**Monster: **How about, 3 months from now?

**Lloyd: **Bikini wax...tough break, man

**Monster: **Ok...well...I'll see you, later...maybe

**Lloyd: **Ok...good luck trying to destroy the world...even though, we won't let you!

**Monster: **Yeah...and you can burn in hell...and such...bye

Monster leaves

**Lloyd: **Not a bad guy, once you get to know him...

**Genis: **...?!...What in the hell just happened here? Shouldn't we have...you know...oh, forget it!..._sigh_...

**After Battle Cheers**

**Zelos: **Sheena?! How about a kiss, for me saving her life back there?

**Sheena: **How about I say "Thank You", and not kick your ass?

**Zelos: **Sounds good...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Kratos: **How manly can I be, when I have wings and wear all purple?!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Regal: **Do you realize how much money I can save on Car Insurance, by switching to Geico?!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Lloyd: **Sheena! You have one _fine_ ass!

**Sheena: **Wha...what did you say?!

**Lloyd: **Uh...I mean, great job back there!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Genis: **Dwarven Vow #6,123,291...um...uh...Thou shall not steal!

**Lloyd:** Man!...How many of these things are there?!

**Kratos: **..._sigh_...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Regal: **A big business, lots of money...and yet, I choose to wear rags!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Colette: **I'm 16, and I have no boobs!...WTF?!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Colette: **_#&__&#$_...uh, I mean, good job, everyone!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Colette: **Take that, you #&$ monsters!

**Zelos: **Wow!...Colette has spunk!

**Colette: **Can it, Zelos!

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**Lloyd: **I can't believe it! I just killed a human...and now I have his blood on me, now!

**Kratos: **_sigh_...Lloyd?! That's raspberry jam, from lunch!

**Lloyd: **Oh!...yeah, you're right!..._slurp_...Hmm...yummy! Human blood!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Lloyd: **zzzzzzzz...

**Colette: **Psst! Lloyd?!...Wake up!

**Lloyd: **ugh...wha?..oh, yeah! Take that evil monsters!

**Zelos: **Smooth, Lloyd...smooth...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Zelos: **I would love to thank all of the people, who helped me become such a magnificant

fighter...my butler, Sebastien, who has always been there for me, the king of Tet'thalla, the

princess, my 3 beautiful ladies, that follow me everywhere, my hair dresser...

**Sheena: **Zelos?! This is only supposed to be a 5 second skit!

**Zelos: **oh?!...my banker, the item shop man, the guy at the post office...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Zelos(Singing): **Peanut Butter Jelly Time! It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time! It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!...Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter

Jelly, Do the Peanut Butter Jelly, Peanut Butter Jelly...

**Regal: **...And you call _my _act a crime?...I think I'm ready to die now...somebody shoot me!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Lloyd: **That, was a piece of cake!...um, who's touching my ass?!

**Raine:** Sorry...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Zelos: **For kicking the asses of all the monsters, so far, I'm going to invite everyone...PARTY AT MY PLACE!!! WAHOOO!!!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Colette: **Ewww...the monster's guts are hanging out! Gross...gross...gross...

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Zelos: **Um...Presea?...

**Presea: **Yes, Zelos?

**Zelos:** I know...that you like destroying the monsters...but, um...

**Presea: **Yes?...

**Zelos: **Did you have to cut off...his you-know-what?

**Presea: **Yes...it's a souvenier

**Zelos:** _...shutters..._

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Lloyd:** That, was a piece of cake!

**Genis: **Lloyd!...You weren't even in this battle...you were one of the extras, in the menu...you can't be here!

**Lloyd:** Hey, shut up!...I want to be part of the victory, too! Just let me, have my fun!

**Genis:** No!...the player didn't pick you for the battle..you can't be in this victory scene! Go away!

**Lloyd: **Make me!

The two fight with each other, while Sheena, Zelos, and Raine(In the battle, initially), just sigh and take a seat on the ground.

**Genis: **You can't be in this battle!

**Lloyd:** I want to have some fun!

**Regal(poking his head, into the view of the screen): **Um...can...can I be in the scene, too?

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Lloyd: **...

**Genis: **...

**Zelos: **...

**Raine: **What?!...ok...ok...So, maybe I went too far, when I cut the monsters head off...maybe it was when I laughed, like a psychotic,

serial killer, or...maybe it was, when I carved my name into his stomach...either way...he's dead now, right?"

**Zelos: **...I think I'm happy with Raine, _not_ being one of my hunnies

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Everyone: **...

**Creator of Game: **Um...guys...aren't you supposed to be doing something?...like being part of the game?

**Zelos: **Yes...normally...but we haven't gotten our paychecks, yet...so we won't move an inch, untill we get them!

**Creator of Game: **_sigh_...

**A/N: So, how'd you like that?...Random, huh?! I hope I can think of more chapters like this...cause I loved writing it. Till **

**next time...see ****ya!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This next chapter has it all...Elvis, Lobster, Ice Cream, and The BatMan theme **

**song...what more could you ask for? So, sit back and enjoy, as Yuan tries to save the **

**world, from Elvis!...Oh, and it has a song about Steak...enjoy!**

**Chapter 12: The Meaty Meaty Meat Steak Song**

We join Yuan, inside his office, located within the Sylvarant base, working hard on his overdue

taxes

**Yuan: **Dammit...why did I let her get that damn dress, last year?...What a bitch!…and look, she

spend all of her Lotto winnings…10 Grand…in only a week…holy crap…she's going to bankrupt me!

As Yuan was busy, crunching his numbers, and cussing about his wife, a solider came running into

the room, and stopped in front of Yuan's desk

**Solider: **Sir?! We have word, that he is now in the Palmacosta region? Shall we proceed?

Yuan, jumped up and shook all over, with excitement

**Yuan: **Yes...and this time, I want him captured!

**Solider: **Yes, Sir!

The solider, ran for the door, but Yuan stopped him

**Yuan: **Solider!...I want him...alive!

**Solider: **Yes, Sir!

The solider left, leaving Yuan, alone, shaking all over

**Yuan: **Finally...you won't get away, this time...I will get you...Elvis Presley!

Yuan, settled down, and went back to his his paperwork. He looked at it, a little confused

**Yuan: **Now...what was I doing?...Oh, right...the bitch!

After a few hours, Botta came knocking on the door.

**Botta: **Sir?...May I have a word with you?

No answer

**Botta: **Sir?...

Still no answer

**Botta: **Sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?

...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...monkey!...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?

...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...poptarts!...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?...sir?

...sir?...sir?...

Finally, Botta realized that his boss was not answering, so he punched in the access code for the

room and walked in.

**Botta: **Sir...I was just wondering...

Botta, stopped inside the room, and looked at his Yuan, at his desk. Instead of being hard at

work on his overdue taxes, Yuan was playing with small toy soliders. Yuan, grabbed one guy and

dive bombed him, into a group of others, on his desk. Toy men, scattered everywhere, as Yuan

plunged them, into the desk.

**Botta: **Um...sir?...

**Yuan: **Quiet, Botta!...I'm about to forward an attack, on the hardest area yet...Stapler Ridge!

**Botta: **...

**Yuan: **Eeeeeeiiiiiyoooowww...phoosshhh!

Yuan, slammed more guys down, now attacking a small toy tank. The tank went flying, off the

desk and into the trash can. It exploded and burned to dust.

**Botta: **Nice frontal attack, sir!

**Yuan: **Thank you, Botta...now...what do you want?

**Botta: **I was just wondering, if you would like to grab some lunch with me?...You've been

cooped up in this office, for almost a month...what'ya say?

**Yuan: **I can't...after I take over the next region, I have to get back to work on my taxes...I have

to find a way, to get it done!

**Botta: **What seems to be the trouble?

**Yuan: **That woman of mine, spend all our money, on dresses, makeup, and a new waffle

iron...it's mad...she doesn't even use it! She spent all of this money, and leaves me to pay for it

all!

**Botta: **Well, sir...if I may just point out...your wife is not just the only one that...umm...throws

away money!

**Yuan: **What?!...You think I have something to do with our money problems?...Give me one

example of how I am involved in this?!

**Botta: **Well...for one...you buy that hair dye, twice a month...and...

**Yuan: **Botta!!...If I have told you once...I have told you...

Yuan, reached into his cape and pulled out his number clicker, and clicked the button, once.

The numbers, rolled over to the next sequence.

**Yuan: **If I have told you once...I have told you, 3,894 times...I do NOT dye my hair...this is the

natural blue, that I was born with!

**Botta(Bowing)**: Of course, sir...I'm sorry for having doubted you!

**Yuan: **Well, you should be...and don't think that I don't know all of the things you charged to

the Renegade account, each month, either! Do you recall, dialing that Date-a-mate hotline?

Remember, what happened?

**Botta: **...yes...I ended up, going out with a guy, named Misty...

**Yuan: **Yes...exactly...and it didn't help that you said, you like the Opera, either...I think that's

why he came to the door, dressed in armor and a mini skirt...

**Botta: **Well...I did like the fact, that he didn't judge me as much as my last wife, did...I don't

wet the bed, as much, anymore

**Yuan: **Except, when the furnace broke and we had to share a bed, for the night...what the

hell did you have to drink, before you came to bed?...It smelled like a rotting skunk...

**Botta: **Hey...can we please go to lunch?...I don't want you to waste away in this place!

**Yuan: **Fine...but you have to promise me, that you won't mention my hair, again...ok?

**Botta: **Ok, with me...as long as you keep my bed wetting, a secret!

**Yuan: **Deal!

The two, left the office and went for the hanger. They boarded their Rehairds, and took off.

They flew over the land, looking down at everybody, as they went on with their lives. Yuan,

who felt a little mischevious, sucked back, in his mouth and prepared to let one go

**Botta: **Don't even think about it, Yuan!

Yuan, who now was angry, swallowed his loggie, and stuck his tongue out, at Botta. They

arrived at a town, just on the outskirts of Asgard, and parked in the grass. They got off the

Rehairds, and walked towards the Asgard Chow House. Botta, turned around and pushed a

button, his remote key. The Rehairds, beeped and flashed their headlights

**Yuan: **I don't know exactly, why I had to eat out...we have perfectly good food, in the base. I

could have made myself, another Tuna Fish Sandwich!

**Botta: **...Uh...Sir?...that "Tuna Fish"...that didn't happen to be in a container with a blue lid,

did it?

**Yuan: **Hmm?...now that you mention it, I think it was a blue container...

**Botta: **Uh-oh, Spagetti-O!!

**Yuan: **What's wrong, Botta?

Just as Yuan, finished asking his question, his forehead, began to grow and swell. It grew out to

almost 5 times, it's size.

**Botta: **...

Then, an extra arm, sprouted out the side of his head, where his right ear was.

**Botta: **...hmmm...I guess I still have some research to study...

**Yuan: **What was that, Botta?

**Botta: **Gahh...I mean...I guess I should have told you that container was mine, that I was saving,

but oh, well...

**Yuan: **Oh...sorry bout that...

**Botta: **No problem...and by the way...your hair is really great...I'm sorry for making fun of it,

before...

**Yuan: **That's alright...let's just go eat!

**Botta: **Understood!

As the two walked on, the extra arm, on Yuan's head, pulled up and ran it's finger's through

Yuan's hair. Botta, had to hold his gut, in order to not burst out laughing.

The two, proceeded, into the restaurant. Inside, a girl greeted them, smiling as she moved.

**Waitress:** Hi, there! Welcome to The Asgard Chow House, how can I hel...hell, oh, god bloody

angel freaks!!!

**Yuan: **What's wrong...is Elvis here?

Yuan, turned and looked around the room, to see what the girl was so ecstatic about.

**Waitress: **No...ugh...no...it's just...I've never met the Famous Yuan, Leader of the Renegades,

before!

**Yuan: **Oh?...he...well, if you like, I can give you an autograph?

**Waitress: **sure...um...that would be, great!...

Yuan, went forward, grabbed the waitress, by the collar of her apron, and tugged it. It ripped

and opened up, exposing a small part of her chest. Her breasts, bounced a little, as Yuan went

forward, and pointed his finger at her bosom. He then, used his electric touch and zap-engraved

his name, into her chest. The girl, Botta, and everyone else in the the restaurant, watched as

Yuan, finished writing his name, in the waitress's chest.

**Yuan: **There!

_Keep up the good work! Don't do drugs and never touch a monkey's behind! Your's truly, Yuan _

_Kimberly Zimertak III, esc._

Yuan, looked at his marking, and nodded in approval. He gave the girl, a little nudge on the chin

with his fist and walked away. Botta, shrugged to the girl and followed Yuan to their seat. Once

they sat down, Yuan watched as the girl walked off, into the kitchen. He turned back to Botta.

**Yuan: **Oh, yeah...you could tell she wanted some of me...the "Yuanator"!

**Botta: **Ohhh, brother...

The two, chatted a while, and then they ordered their food.

**Botta: **I'm not sure, what I want…

**Yuan: **I want steak!!!

**Random Pretty Guy: ****Hmmm?…**Did somebody say...steak?!!!

**Yuan: **Yes...why?

**Random Steak Guy: **That can only mean one thing!!!...The Meaty Meaty Meat Steak Song!!!

**Chorus Girls: **Oh, yeah!! You go, Iyah!! Yeah!

**Iyah: **Here we go...I like steak(steak!), I eat it, all the time, I think it's great(great!)...I eat the

bone, I eat the fat, I eat it aaaall...whether it's cow or cat!(Yeah!)

**Botta: **...

**Iyah: **Join in, if you know the words...come on!!!...I like meat(meat!), I'll eat it with my hands or

my feet(feet!)...I can it all daaaay...I can eat it all niiiight...come on, now...join in on, the Meaty

Meaty Meat Steak Song, that's riiiiiiiight!!

**Botta: **...

**Iyah: **Come on, now!...Here come's the best part!...I like steak(steak!), I eat it all the time, I

think it's great(great!)...I'll eat it know matter what the cost!!!

**Chorus Girls: **Oh, my!

**Iyah: **I'll eat it, even if it's all covered in goo(eww!), I'll eat it right out of an old shoe(shoe!)...I'll

eat covered in hair, I'll eat it anywhere...oh yeah!...you just can't go wrong...come on, now, and

sing the Meaty Meaty Meat Steak Song!

The entire restaurant, then got on their feet and started waving their arms, in the air

**Iyah: **Oh, yeah...you just can't go wrong, it tastes great all day long, now come on and sing the

Meaty Meaty Meat Steak Sooooong!

**Chorus Girls(And Restaurant): **Yeah!

**Iyah: **That's what I said...you can't go to bed...until you've sung the Meaty Meaty Meat Steak

song. Now, everybody...let's go and get some meat...eat it all, don't be a cheat! Let's all go, and

geeeettttt...soooommme...meeeeaaaatttt!!

**Everyone: **Eat Meat! _Don-don!_

-Chirping Crickets-

**Yuan: **?...

**Botta:** ...I think I'll just have a Salad...

**Iyah: **Salad?!...Aghhhhh(Girly scream) -runs away-

**Yuan: **Ok...?...I guess I'll just have the Grilled Cheese, instead...

**Another Random Pretty Guy: **Did you say, Grilled Cheese?...Grilled Cheese tastes so

great...agghhh

Upon saying his last words, Yuan grabbed the guy by the neck and threw him out the open

window. Yuan, looked around at the people, with fists in the air

**Yuan: **Does anyone else have a song about food, they'd like to sing?

Everyone, looked around, embarrased and ashamed. Nobody said anything.

**Little Boy(Raising his hand): **I...I have a song about bubble gum...can I...sing it?

**Yuan: **DOES IT LOOK LIKE I WANT TO HEAR A DAMN SONG ABOUT BUBBLEGUM???!!!

**Little Boy(Lowering his hand): **Um..._sniff_...no...

**Yuan: **THAT'S RIGHT!!!...I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY SONGS ABOUT FOOD, CANDY, PEOPLE,

OR EVEN ABOUT FUN!!! I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR FUN, GOT IT???!!!

**Little Boy: **Whaaaaa!!!! Daddy!!!

The little boy, jumped off his seat and ran off

**Yuan: **Ya, that's right...go tell your daddy!

Yuan, brushed off his cape, and sat down

**Botta: **...A little on edge about Elvis, Sir?

**Yuan: **No...why do you ask?

Finally, their food came and they ate, with very little disturbance. Once they were done, they got

up and turned to leave. As Yuan, turned around, he ran into something hard. Yuan fell over, on

the ground

**Man: **Excuse me?!!

**Yuan(Getting up): **Hey, buddy!...Watch where you're go...oh, my GOD!!!

As Yuan got up, he saw exactly who he had bumped into. A very large man, who had a white,

muscle shirt on, with the slogan: _Can you read this, before I hit you?_

**Yuan: **Can you read this before I hi...gahhh!

The man, took a large swipe at Yuan, and knocked him across the room, and he smashed into the

Lobster tank.

**Large Man: **That's what you get for picking on my kid!

The large man turned and walked away. Behind him, the little boy, that Yuan had screamed at,

stuck his tongue out, and ran off with his dad.

**Yuan: **I like McDonald's...why can't we ever go to McDonalds?...You don't get large guys,

threatening to kill you, at McDonalds...

As Yuan said this, a Lobster pinched his nose

**Yuan: **Aghhhh!

**Botta: **_sigh_...last time I take him anywhere, with me...

After getting stiched up by the Paramedic, Yuan and Botta paid their check and left

**Yuan: **32 stiches...I'm ugly now...I can't be ugly...I'm one of the pretty ones in the game...I'm

pretty!!!

**Botta: **Yes, yes...we all know how pretty you are...oh, which reminds me...I guess I shouldn't

keep it secret, any more...

**Yuan: **What do you mean?

**Botta: **Remember that "Tuna Fish", in the fridge...well...how can I saw this...it was, actually...

**Yuan:** Wait, Botta!...

Yuan, clamped Botta's mouth shut, and looked past him

**Yuan: **There he is!!

About 100 feet away, there was "Elvis", walking along the road, eating a Rocky Road Ice Cream

cone. Yuan's face, filled with happiness and anger

**Yuan: **ELVIS...

"Elvis", gasped, and turned around. One of the layers of his cone, tipped over and fell on the

ground

**Yuan: **...I HAVE YOU NOW!!!

Yuan, pushed past Botta, and ran after "Elvis"

**Elvis: **Aghhh!!

"Elvis", ran as hard as he could, but he was just too slow. Yuan, was as fast as the wind. He caught

up with Elvis", in no time. Yuan, pounced on him

**Yuan: **Got ya!!!

Yuan, dropped the king, and rolled him over

**Elvis: **Owww...hey, man...

**Yuan: **Shut up!...I have you know, Elvis!...After 10, long years...I have y...wait, you're not Elvis!

**Elvis: **I know...oww...I'm only a fake...a look-a-like...I'm not really him

**Yuan: **Really?...

**Elvis: **Yes...

**Botta: **See, Sir?...I told you that Elvis was really dead...now, let's go ho..

**Yuan: **No...he is still around...he's still in the area...somewhere..he sent this imposter out, ahead

of himself, so that he would draw attention away from him...how ingenious!

**Botta: **...sigh...Sir...

**Yuan: **Quiet, Botta...I must not waste another minute...I have to find him, before he escapes

the city...to the Renegade Mobile!!!

Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-Yuan, Yuan...Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-Yuan, Yuan...

Yuan, jumped up on the Rehaird, and pushed down on the petal, to go

**Botta: **sigh...Sir...you need the key to start it

**Yuan: **Sorry, Botta...I'm too high up now...you're transmission is coming in hazy...I'll talk with you

later...yyyeeeooowww...vrooomm...errrrkk...hahahaha!!

**Botta: **sigh...

To Be Continued...

**A/N: **Will Yuan, finally catch the illusive "Elvis", who seems to keep, outwitting the Renegade

Superstar?...Will Botta, every be able to tell his boss, that he's a freak?...Will Michael Jackson,

ever be black, again? Find out, on the next exciting episode of "The Meaty Meaty Meat Steak

Song"...or maybe a new title would be better...tune in next time...same bat time...same bat

channel! Nun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-Yuan, Yuan!

**Yuan: **You know...this theme music is actually, kind of catchy

**A/N: Will Yuan ever catch the illusive Elvis, that keeps ouwwiting our Renegade **

**Superstar?...Will Botta, ever be able to tell his boss, that he's a freak?...Will Michael **

**Jackson, ever be black again? Tune in, next time, and find out!...Same Bat time, same **

**Bat channel!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Ok...don't hate me for bashing Kratos in this one...he had it coming, eventually. **

**Chapter 13: Kratos goes to Jail**

**Officer:** Ok...let's go through this one more time, Mr. Aurion...how did you end up like this?

Kratos, who was shielding his eyes, from the overhead light, squinted to see the face of Officer

Nickel. Kratos, was sitting on a hard, wooden chair, with tore clothes, covered in honey, and

bird feathers. His right arm, was stuck to a large, trash bin, and his left, had a squirrel attached to

it. His body, was also very cut up

**Kratos: **Ok..._sigh_...it all started...when I left for the Moon...

**Flashback time**_...6 hours ago..._

**Lloyd: **Hey, Dad?!...Catch!!

Lloyd, wound up, and hurled the disc, across the field. Kratos, saw it sail high above his head. He

sprouted his wings, and took off. He reached up, grabbed the disc, and fell back to earth.

**Lloyd: **Nice catch, Dad...but the point is, to run and catch it...not go all "Angel Superguy", and

cheat!

**Kratos: **I'm sorry, Lloyd...but I fail to see the fun, in this game called Fris-bee...

**Lloyd: **It's easy...I through it first, now it's your turn

**Kratos: **...I see...

Kratos, took hold of the Frisbee, just how Lloyd had, and twisted his body around. He jumped

forward, untwisted his body, and flung his arm, letting go of the Frisbee, at the same time.

The disc, left Kratos's hand, and then it disappeared. Well, it didn't so much as disappear, as it

actually, flew so fast, Lloyd missed the point of flight. He turned his head, to watch the Frisbee,

as it flew, high over the park, and into the sky. After a few seconds, a red glow could be seen,

tailing the flying disc. It was now, on fire. It burned up and then the entire disc, burst into

flames. The family friendly, flying disc, was now a flaming missile, shooting across the air.

As the two, watched the Frisbee fly, out of the corner of their eyes, they spotted a Jumbo Jet,

flying along the blue sky. It was making it's way, into the Flaming Frisbee's path

**Lloyd: **This...can only end, badly...

As the Jet, made it's way along the sky, the Burning Disc, pierced through the middle of the

plane, and out the other side. It continued, it's flaming journey, along the clouds. Surprisingly,

the plane did not catch fire, or even break apart. It continued it's flight, as if nothing had

happened

**Lloyd: **Fwooo...that was close...

Just as Lloyd, was about to sigh some relief, he spotted something else, flying into the plane's

path.

**Lloyd: **Um..what's that?

**Crowd of people: **It's a bird, it's a plane...no...it's...um...a guy in a blue suit?...Who the hell is

that moron, supposed to be?...I mean, he's wearing red underwear...on the outside of his

pants...if he thinks he's some kind of Superhero...he's sadly mistaken!

**SuperMan: **Have no fear, people of earth...I...Superman...will save the da...ugh!!!

Superman, was too busy, smiling at the people on the ground, that he flew right into the engine

turbine, and blew up. The same went for the plane, which now burst into flames, and plunged

towards the ground. It hit the ground, a few miles away, and exploded

**Lloyd: **Remind...me to not...include you in any sports activities...ever again...

**Kratos: **hmm...

As the two, turned and walked away, the sound of human screams, could be heard, as flying

debris, fell to the ground

**Kratos: **So...who was that guy, anyways?

_4 hours ago..._

**Genis: **Ok...now...let's try this one more time...

**Kratos: **Ok...

**Genis: **Now...just go slow, and aim your shot...

**Kratos: **Alright...but I find this highly, unusual...

Kratos, took hold of the basketball, did as Genis said, "Bend knees and follow through", and took

a shot. The ball, flew at the basket, bounced off the front of the rim, and shot back at Kratos.

The ball, sailed, and hit Kratos in the forehead, knocking him backwards. Kratos, saved himself

from hitting the ground, and cast his wings out. He sailed back to his feet, got a cold, stern look

on his face, and held out his hand.

**Kratos: **By the power, of the Goddess Martel...I'll see you in hell...Ball of Satan!!!

**_Booooom..._**

**Genis:** sigh...that makes 15 balls, which you've killed...

**Kratos: **Hahaha...another great victory for the powerful, Kratos Aurion...over the Rubber ball of

Satan!

**Genis: **Ok...maybe basketball, isn't your sport...but there are others...

**Kratos: **I don't feel like doing, these sports's, anymore...

**Genis: **Ok...hmmm...oh, how about bike riding?

**Kratos: **What is that?

**Genis: **It's where you get up on this, **(shows Kratos his bike, complete with training **

**wheels), **and you pedal it, to make it move!

**Kratos: **That seem easy, enough!...Let me have a go!

Kratos, takes the bike from Genis, jumps over the seat, and sits down. He adjusts himself, to find

a comfy position. He gets ready for his ride, as Genis, walks behind him, getting ready to push.

**Genis: **Ok...here we go!

Genis, pulls out a large, sledgehammer, and winds up. Kratos, looks behind him, and goes white

**Kratos: **Genis?...Buddy?...Little Man?!

**Genis: **Bombs away!!!

Genis, lets 'er fly, and wails on the back of the bike. The impact, blasts Kratos, and sends him off,

down the street

**Kratos: **Gahhhh...wheeee...gahhhh!!!

Kratos, flies at full speed, down the street, as the wind, makes his cape, flutter in the wind

**Genis: **Wow...look at him, go...

Kratos, continues his ride, waving at people, who stare at him. Some girl's giggle, and wave

**Kratos: **I still... got it!

As Kratos sails on, he notices a bump in the road

**Kratos: **Uhh...Genis?!...What do I do now?

Kratos begins to pick up speed, as he nears the bump. Just as he gets near it, he remembers

that he has wings, and spreads them out, just before he hits the bump. Kratos, sails over the

bump, and back onto the road.

**Kratos: **Wow...that was close...as long as no hills, come between me and my destination, I

should be...agghhh!!

Just as Kratos, turned around, he spotted a dip in the road...

**Dip: **Hi, I'm Dip!

...After Dip, he saw a descent in the ground...which meant a hill

**Kratos: **Agghh...a hill...Nooooooo!!!

Kratos, tried to remember what Genis, had said, about how to stop

**Kratos: **Ok...Genis said, to push down on the "Pe...dal"?

Kratos looked down, and spotted a flat, silver piece of metal, attached to a long pipe

**Kratos: **haha...I found it!

Kratos, slammed his foot down, and hit the pedal, with all his might. The brakes, squeaked...and

then, jammed

**Kratos: **...uh?...help!!!!...Help!!!!!

Kratos, began to fly down the hill, moving faster, with every second

**Kratos: **aggghhh...

As Kratos, flew down the hill, he spotted a guy on a skateboard and thought of a plan

**Kratos: **Hey, you!...I need your flatboard!

**Guy: **Huh?...damn bitch!...a flying, purple, fairy guy?...That's some weird shit!

**Kratos: **Move!

Kratos, pushed the guy, out of the way, and took over, as the rider of the board

Kratos, hit the ground, and began to sway, back and forth

**Kratos:** Great Yuan Underpants!...This thing is impossible to steer...how can one, pilot such a

machine?

Kratos, while talking to himself, didn't realize, that he was picking up speed and heading for town.

He hit the bottom of the hill, and looked up. He watched, as he weaved, in and out of cars,

baby carriages, and some guy, dancing his underwear, for money. On the way by, Kratos dropped

a quarter into the guy's hat. Kratos, moved farther along, knocking over people, as he went. He

then, hit the business district, where he spotted a large warehouse, ahead

**Kratos: **Oh, crap!

The sign said, "Cactus Warehouse"

**Kratos: **Oh my...

Kratos, went though the wall, and burst into the warehouse

**Kratos: **ohhh...oww..eee...yeoow...I'll buy that one...yeeeowww...owww...

Kratos, came out the other side, covered in needles

**Kratos: **Damn stupid Cactus shop...poink...with their stupid, pointy trees...

Kratos, continued his journey, along the street, and spotted another warehouse, which made

him shutter

**Kratos: **Oh god!!!...Broken Glass Disposal?

Kratos, broke through the wall, and...(_well, let's just say, that the end results are not pretty)..._

After a few seconds, Kratos came out, with a few..._cough cough_...scratches, and some very

large shards of glass, sticking out of his...um...well, that's not important

**Kratos: **I guess that was the worst of it...nothing but smooth sailing, now...

Up ahead, was another warehouse, that had a sign, that read, "Torture Warehouse"

**Kratos: **Oh, my go...oh, now come on...that one, can't be real!!!

Despite, being real or just made up, Kratos hit the wall of the building and flew through the

warehouse. On the other side, Kratos was almost totally stripped of his clothes. Only the top half

of his shirt, and a little patch of pants, near his crotch, remained

**Kratos(Shivering):**_whimper_...I want to go home...

Kratos, continued his scary ride, down through the town

_2 Hours ago..._

Still riding through the city, Kratos was now, covered in a thick layer of honey, after passing

through the annual "We love Honey" celebration. Kratos, was now very upset, and was still

moving very fast, since he was on a slopping hill, much of the way. Kratos, suddenly realized that

he was beginning to slow down

**Kratos: **I...I'm slowing down...haha...hahahaha...I'm slowing down...

Kratos, hit the bottom of the hill, and slowly came to a stop. The bike, wobbled, and tipped to

the side. Kratos, got off the bike, and looked around. He then, dropped to his knees, and kissed

the ground

**Kratos: **Thank you!...Thank you...

Kratos, got to his feet, and turned around to walk away. Just as he faced the other direction, he

heard a sound, of a blaring horn. He looked up, and saw a large truck, barreling towards him, with

a sign on the side, reading: "Big Al's Killer Chicken Transporter". The truck, slammed on it's brakes,

but it was too late

**Kratos: **_sob_...hehehe..._sob_...

**Nickel: **...and then, we picked you up?...That's where it ends?

**Kratos: **Yes...basically...I may have left out, one or two things, but it's mostly there...

**Nickel: **Well...you didn't cause any property damage...except for the Chicken truck...I'll let that

slide...you've suffered enough...so, far as I see it...you are free to go. Thank you for your time,

Mr. Aurion!

Kratos stood up, and walked out of the room. Officer Nickel, followed him. As they walked,

Kratos could hear Nickel, snickering under his breath. Kratos turned around

**Kratos: **Is there something that amuses you?

**Nickel: **_gag_...no..._hehe_...nothing at all...

**Kratos: **...alright, then...

Kratos, turned around and continued out. Nickel followed, snickering all the way. When Kratos

came into the station, Officer Nickel had never seen Kratos from behind. The reason behind

Nickel's snickering, was that the seat of Kratos's pants, had a large rip, and was exposing his ass,

in full view. The two, walked out into the main lobby, as some of the other officer's, came in

from outside

**Nickel:** Afternoon, Officer Dime...Quarter...Loonie...

**Officer Loonie: **hehehe...ekkkk...hyuk-hyuk...eeeee...

**Nickel: **I'll walk you to your car

**Kratos: **Thank you...say, officer...do you feel a draft?

**A/N: Wow...that was funny! Can you guess what I have in store for Kratos, next time?**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Ok, first...don't pay attention, that this story starts off, very serious...it is a **

**comedy. Make no mistake! Second, this is a slightly offbeat storyline, from my previous **

**chapters...but it should still be good. Tell me if you like my slight adjustment to the **

**story. If you like it, I'll make more of them(Along with my regular work, don't worry), **

**and if you don't, I'll keep them to a minimum...Enjoy!**

**Chapter 14: Get Serious! with Lester Filmore**

**Lester: **Hello, and my name is Lester Filmore, and this is Get Serious! I am best known to you, as

the flamboyant, and giant flirt, Zelos Wilder. I am here, today, to talk to you, not as famed, Zelos

Wilder but as a concerned citizen, who wishes to discuss, some serious matters.

Lester(Zelos), then, walked over to a table in the middle of the room, leaned on it, and folded his

hands, on his lap

**Lester: **I have seen some very bad things happen, over the last few years, that some of you,

may not have noticed. You may have been, too busy, playing Halo, watching Survivor, or even

taking a family trip, down to Lake Umakonayhomakizoka...but nonetheless, you should tune in to

the local news, in order to view some topics, in which affect us all. I am here to ask you such

questions, such as Why was Bush elected, twice?...Why we can catch Saddam, but not

Osama?...Why gas is costing more then the vehicle, you buy? I want you to answer these

questions, and I will make light, of why these things, are occurring!

Lester, waves his hand, over the table, and a telephone, magically appeared.

**Lester: **I will now take your calls...caller 1...you're on!

**Caller 1: **Yeah...hi...um...Mr.Wilder, I have noticed that you don't return any of my phone

calls...I love you...why don't you love me back?...I just want...

_Click_

**Lester: **Thank you...caller 1...let's move on, to caller 2...you're on

**Caller 2(In Hindi accent): **Hello...I am Rajah Muhamad...I love you, Zelos...please return my

calls...I'll love you forev..

_Click_

**Lester: **Thank you...caller 2...or caller 1...which ever...let's keep this moving. Caller 3...you're

on!

**Caller 3: **Yeah, hi...I think I'll get...4 medium Hawaiian Pizzas...5 diet cokes...

**Lester: **No...um, this isn't a Pizza Hut...this is the "Get Serious, with Lester Filmore"...do you

have a question?

**Caller 3: **...um...ok...do you have cheese bread?!

_Click_

**Lester: **ok...people! This is a call-in show...not a place to confess your love for me..._even _

_though, I'm flattered_...and it's not a place to order Cheese Bread, or Pizza, or whatever...next

caller!...Caller 4...you're up, now!

**Caller 4: **...(_static)_...

**Lester: **...?

**Caller 4: **..._(Static)_..._This is Flight 407, requesting permission to land on runway 9_..._(Static)_...

_tower, please respond_...

**Lester: **?!!!!...ohhhh, John?!...Can you answer me one question?...Why in the **(Censored)**,are

we picking up air traffic signals, when we are located in the middle of New York City?!

**John(The Producer, over the Intercom): **Uh...I'm not sure, Lester...but just to let you know,

this episode is actually airing, live...right now...

**Lester: **Oh...(looks at Camera)...hehe...well, I guess we should get back to our show..._twitch-_

_twitch_...next caller..._twitch_...

**Caller 5: **Yes, hi...I am with you all the way, in the fact that Bush, should not have been re-

elected...

**Lester: **...A caller?...A real caller...hahaha...mister, just for calling, you get our special, caller

prize...an autographed t-shirt, by me...100 percent cotton...makes a great gift...please,

continue...

**Caller 5: **...I think that we need a Liberal-free, White House...and that means that Bush, has to

go...

**Lester: **Amen, to that!

**Caller 5: **...we need a man with..._curly fries_...who can..._jam the stuffing into the turkey_...and

who can make a better..._raspberry filling_...

**Lester: **..._twitch_...John?!!...What the **(Censored)**...is **(Censored)**...going **(Big time **

**censored)**,is going on?

**John: **Um...I think that we may be experiencing a small glitch, in our system...we seem to be

getting interference, from other local broadcast stations...right now...I think we just got

interrupted, by the food channel...

**Lester: **Well, fix it...you worthless sack of...

_Beeeep...We are experiencing Technical Difficulties, please stand by..._

15 Minutes later...

**Lester: **Ok..._sigh_...(deep breath)...good news, folks...apparently, we are able to continue our

show...the interference, seems to have been corrected...next caller...

**Caller 6: **HELLO, LESTER!!!

**Lester: **..._twitch_...oh, John...hehe...could you be a gentlemen, and turn the _freaking_ volume

down...heh...please?

**John: **Um...actually, Lester...I haven't touched the volume, since we started the show...I

believe the caller is the one on the slightly loud side

**Lester: **Ok..._twitch_...let's..._gah_...continue...caller...what's your question?

**Caller 6: **I AM HERE TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE WORLD IS DOOMED...IT'S COMING TO AN

END...HOW CAN WE STOP IT??!!!

**Lester: **_twitch_...oh, really?...heh...well, guess what buddy?!...uh...yes...actually, yes...the world

is coming to an end...and it's all because of this war in Iraq..._(Note: Lester just covered for _

_another freak attack, by improving, on the loud man's rant),_ that's a very good question!

**Caller 6: **...NO THE WORLD REALLY IS COMING TO AN END...IN 3 DAYS...WE WILL ALL...

**Lester: **...The War in Iraq has been going on, for 6 years now...and it's all because President

Bush, is too stupid, to know how to end it...

**Caller 6(Getting Louder): **...WE WILL ALL BE DESTROYED BY GOD'S WRATH...

**Lester(Getting even louder, and on verge of freaking: **...THAT IS WHY...BUSH SHOULD BE

KICKED OUT OF OFFICE AND WE SHOULD PUT A REAL MAN...

**Caller 6: **...WE ARE DOOMED!!!...

**Lester: **...BUSH NEEDS TO GO!!!...

**Caller 6: **DOOM!!!

**Lester: **BUSH!!!

**Both:** DOOM!!!...BUSH!!!...DOOM!!!...BUSH!!!...DOOM!!!...BUSH!!!

**Caller 6: **D O O M!

**Lester: **B U S H!

**Caller 6: **DOOM!!! DOOM!!! DOOM!!! DOOM!!! DOOM!!! DOOM!!! DOOOOMMMM!!!!!

**Lester: **Yahhhhh!!!!!...errrgggghhhh...yaaaaa!!!!!!...hehehehehe!!!...AGGHHHH!!!!!

Lester, hits the fan, and goes nuts. He runs around the room, waving his arms in the air, and

screaming like, a mad man. He then, begins to trash the equipment, and throw it, around the

room

**Lester: **Yahhh!!!...eeeeeeeyaaa!!!...yaghhh!!!!...

_Beeeep...We are experiencing...let's keep going with, "Technical Difficulties"...please stand by..._

After almost 30 minutes...

**Lester: **Well, folks...it looked like we may have to put a hold, on our next show...seeing as I'm

going to be, "temporarily" detained, for an undetermined amount of time...so, we may or may

not, be seeing each other next time...so...until we meet again, hopefully...this is Lester

Filmore...signing off...thank you for watching, Get Serious!...Bye-bye...

After his speech, the men in white, strapped Lester down, to the trolley bed, and pushed it, into

the waiting truck(which was able to park, inside the studio, seeing as, Lester was able to break

down the wall, with a large monitor). The men, pushed Lester inside, jumped into the truck, and

pulled away. After a few minutes, the truck pulled into the "Danbury Correctional Institution",

(recently, the proud recipient of Martha Stewart). The men, rolled Lester, out of the truck, into

the building, and put him, into a cell. Lester, laid back, against the white walls, and sighed

**Lester: **Well...at least, I'll get some peace and quiet, now...

**Voice: **HEY, LESTER?!!!

**Lester: **...

Turning to his right, Lester saw, staring at him, through a caged window, on the wall, a man with

two wonky eyes, laughing, hysterically

**Man: **THE WORLD WILL COME TO AN END...WE'RE DOOMED, I TELL YOU...DOOMED!!...

hehehehahahahah...DOOMED!!!...

**Lester: **Yaghhhh!!!!!

The End...no, not the end of the world...the story

**A/N: Poor Zelos...or Lester...Guess he'll have a hard time getting to sleep...for an **

**undetermined amount of time...hehe! So, did you like this chapter? If you did or not, **

**tell me and I'll continue writing, according to your reviews...see ya!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: No...this is not a parody on "Meet The Parents", or "Meet the Fockers", I just like **

**using the title. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 15: Meet the Monks**

The whole group, all crammed into the school bus, were on their way to the Ancient Mukaka

Ruins of Asgard. The seating was very strange, seeing as nobody was in their right places. They

are as follows:

**Back**

Genis Zelos Colette

Kratos Sheena Presea

Regal Lloyd Prof. Raine

** Front**

** Driver: Kool-Aid Man**

Frankly, I think this is all wrong, but I'm not the one who assigned them to their seats, so we just

have to make the best of it, ok?...Let's resume the story...

**Lloyd: **Professor Raine?

**Raine: **...Yes, Lloyd?

**Lloyd: **Are we ther...

**Raine: **If you say, "Are we there yet?", one more time...I'll cut off your dick, and I'll feed it to

the next Vulture, we pass on the street?...Do I make myself clear?

**Lloyd(curling his legs, up against his body): **...yes, ma'am...

**Raine: **...good!

**Genis: **Hey...we're here, guys!

Everyone looked out their windows, and saw the sign, that read, "Cliff's Sewage Disposal"

**Genis: **Not that...that!

**Everyone: **ohhhhh!...

They all looked at the sign, "Sgt. Duke's Hemorrhoid Cream: Make those awful Hemorrhoid's retreat,

in only a week"

**Genis: **_sigh..._what's next...a sign for how to build your own Doomsday Weapon?...

**Colette: **You mean that sigh there, Genis?

**Genis: **_sigh..._

The bus, rolled into the parking lot, where they squeezed into a spot, between a Pontiac and a

Harley. The group, got up and walked out the door. Only Lloyd remained, tying his shoes

**Raine: **Lloyd!...Hurry up!

**Kool-Aid Man: **Oh, Yeah!!!

**Lloyd: **Yes, Ma'am...

Raine and Kool-Aid man, left the bus, and walked on with the other kids. Lloyd looked up and

smirked. He ran up to the front of the bus

**Lloyd: **Finally!

Lloyd, looked at a large red button, sitting next to the busman's steering wheel. He wanted to

push it, from the moment he saw it, when he first got on the bus and didn't waste any time,

doing it. He reached forward, and pressed it. It beeped, once...but nothing happened

**Lloyd: **Damn!

Lloyd, pushed it again, and again and again. Nothing happened. After pushing it for a while, he

took a seat, in the driver's chair. He jumped up, when he noticed, that he had sat in some warm,

red liquid

**Lloyd: **Ewww...I hope that's Kool-Aid!

Lloyd, wiped off the seat, and fell back, in the chair. He looked at the button, and decided to

push it once more, and then catch up with the group.

_**PUSH...beep...beep-beep...initiating Launch Sequence, now! 5...4...3...2...1...1 3/4...1 **_

_**1/2...blast off!!!**_

_**BOING...**_

The seat, Lloyd was sitting it, shot up in the air, and blasted upwards. Lloyd, ripped through the

roof, and sailed, high into the sky.

**Lloyd: **This...is...so...coooooolllllll..._trail off..._

After a few seconds, after Lloyd had catapulted himself, into the Hemisphere, Kool-Aid man,

came back to his bus. He stepped up, inside and looked at where his seat, used to be

**Kool-Aid Man: **Oh, No...

_Somewhere in the Rocky Mountain Ranges, of Canada..._

Three Monks, sitting by some candles, quietly, meditated in silence. Just then, a crash from

above, sent Lloyd falling, face first into the floor, a few feet away from the Monks. The Monks,

continued their silence, without so much, as a glance at Lloyd. Lloyd, picked himself up, and

dusted his clothes off

**Lloyd: **Now...that was some seriously, cool shit!

Lloyd, turned around, and saw the three Monks, who were sitting, as silent as the wind. Lloyd,

looked at the Monks, for a second, staring at them with curiosity. Finally, he smiled and walked over to

one.

**Lloyd: **Hey, dude!...I'm looking for a way out of here..I have to get back with my group...

The monk said nothing

**Lloyd: **Uh...dude?...I'm trying to find my group...where can I find them?

Still nothing

**Lloyd: **Look...

Lloyd, took a peak at the guy's name tag

_**Hello, My name is Abu na Gandha: Please shut up, while I meditate! Help yourself to **_

**_food, in the Fridge! Don't touch the Chocolate Éclair! That's mine!_**

**Lloyd: **_shrug_...ok

Lloyd, left the Monks, and walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He pulled out some

food and walked back out in the large, meditating room. He sat back down, beside Abu

**Lloyd: **Oh, yeah!!!...This is so awesome!...I don't know why you guys aren't in there, pigging

out! There's cake and pudding and Ice cream...oh, yeah, and this Chocolate Éclair, is to _die_ for!

Abu, opened one eye, and looked at Lloyd's hand. A large bite, had been taken out of the

delicious looking, Chocolate Éclair. Abu, shut his eye, and tensed his hand, into a fist. He quickly,

calmed down.

**Lloyd: **So...what's the deal with this "Meditating" stuff?

The Monks said nothing

**Lloyd: **ohhh...right! You can't talk at all, can you?

Nothing

**Lloyd: **Ok...I understand you have a job to do, being all "Silent" and "Holy"...but that's no reason

to be rude to your guest!

All three Monks, opened one eye, and looked at each other

**Lloyd: **I mean, surely...you can't stay silent, forever!

Nothing

**Lloyd: **I see...so...If I made one of you guys, talk...I would be a God or something, right?

Still nothing, you Idiot

**Lloyd: **Alright...let's make some conversation

Lloyd, dropped his Éclair, and sidled up against Abu

**Lloyd: **Your Momma is so fat...she needs to use the ocean as a bathtub!

Nothing from the Monks

**Lloyd: **Wow...that one got big laughs, from my friends back home...

Lloyd, thought hard, and smiled

**Lloyd: **Ok...try this one...what's the difference between George Bush and a rock?

Nobody answered

**Lloyd: **I never heard of "a rock"(Iraq), starting any wars! Hahaha...

No laughing from the Monks

**Lloyd: **Oh, come on!...That was gold!

No response

**Lloyd: **Still nothing?...Then, I guess I need to being out my big guns!

Lloyd, reached into his pocket and pulled out a book. The title, read: _**The A-Z Joke book: **_

_**Every joke in the world, is at your fingertips!**_

Nothing

**Lloyd: **I hope your ready to wet your robes!

Lloyd flipped through the pages, and stopped on a random page

**Lloyd: **Ohhh...blonde jokes!...How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?

Nobody answered

**Lloyd: **2...1 to milk the cow, the other to work the pump handle! Hehehehe...

No response, Captain!

**Lloyd: **Arghhh!...Laugh, you bald-headed freaks!

No signs of response

**Lloyd: **Fine!...I'll just wait here for my class to come pick me up!

Lloyd, turned around and began to walk away. Just as he turned, fully around, he felt something

hit the back of his head

**Lloyd: **Agghhh...

Lloyd, turned around and faced the Monks. They were all still, sitting silently, as if they never had

moved. Lloyd looked down, and spotted what had hit his head. It was his half-eaten, chocolate

Éclair.

**Lloyd: **Oh...hehe...soooo...you think you can catch me off guard, when I'm not looking...well,

that won't work with me...I'm smart as a fox!

_DING..._

Something else, hit the back of his head, and almost knocked him on his face. He looked at the

Monks. He swung around, but nobody was there. He looked down and saw a porcelain statue of

Buddha. Lloyd swung around, again, and looked at the Monks. They hadn't moved...or had they?

Lloyd, walked up and down the Monks, looking at them, carefully.

**Lloyd: **Ah-ha!!!

Lloyd, bent down, and grabbed the hand of Abu. He held it up and spotted something brown

and sticky on his fingers.

**Lloyd: **You...you threw the Éclair at me...and _you!..._

Lloyd, pointed at the guy at the far end...

**Lloyd: **...you were the one that hit me, with the Naked Santa Clause statue!

The monks said and did nothing

**Lloyd: **Well...two can play at this game!...I can throw things, too!

Lloyd, looked around and spotted a large, golden bowl, that held a small candle, inside. Lloyd, ran

over and picked it up

**Lloyd: **...ugh...I can...ugh...play your little game, too...you stupid...uh-oh...

Lloyd, while taunting the Monks, failed to notice, that the candle, had caught flame on a curtain,

hanging from the ceiling

**Lloyd: **uh-oh...uh...heh, say, guys...why don't I just leave...and we'll forget that this nasty thing

ever happened, ok?...ok!

Lloyd turned around to leave, and knocked into the Monk in the middle...the one that never did

anything...until now

**Monk: **I made those curtains when I was only 6!

**Lloyd: **Hey...I thought you weren't supposed to talk?

**Monk: **My time is up!

He pointed to his tag

Sanjhi Mahamad: Time of silence finish period: June 3, 2007

Lloyd looked at the calendar on the wall

June 3, 2007, it read

**Lloyd: **Well...can't you just stay quiet for a little longer?

**Sanjhi: **Oh, I'll stay quiet, alright...after I finish knocking your head of your tiny shoulders!

**Lloyd: **Oh, boy!

Lloyd, turned and ran as fast as he could, while Sanjhi, chased after him

**Sanjhi: **Come here, you dancing tomato!

The two ran around the building, while the curtains, caught fire, and spread. The other two

Monks, opened one eye, and looked at one another. They nodded, and stood up. They turned

around and bowed, before the giant, Buddha statue, behind them. They then, walked over to a

corner and grabbed two long, wooden sticks. They turned around and faced Lloyd

**Abu: **Prepare yourself, Mr. Red!

**Monk 2: **I get to kill something!

**Lloyd: **uh...bye!

Lloyd ran for the window and jumped out. The Monks, ran after him and looked out

**Abu: **Damn...we almost had him!...

**Monk 3: **...

**Sanjhi: **...

**Abu: **...hmmm

**Sanjhi: **So...wanna order pizza?

**Monk 3: **Ya...we can call them up...and, and...hehe, since it's 30 minutes or less, we'll get it

free, cause they have no idea how to get here...hahaha!

**Abu: **If they don't know where we are...how will we actually get the pizza, even if it is free?

**Sanjhi: **uh...

**Monk 3: **oh...right...

**Abu: **Let's just go back to Meditating

**Sanjhi: **ok...

The three walk back to their spots on the floor and cross their legs, again. 12 hours later, the

group comes out of the building, and find Lloyd, lying on the ground, huffing and puffing

**Raine: **Lloyd Irving! Where have you been?

**Lloyd: **...

**Raine: **We have been looking everywhere for you! Where did you go...up into the mountains or

something?

Lloyd, rolled his eyes

**Raine: **Let's go!

The group, gathered together, and boarded the bus. The Kool-Aid man, eyed Lloyd as he got

on. After boarding, the group rolled off.

Back in the mountains, the monks were silently, mediating, again. Just then, a knock came at

the front door. It opened and in came, Zelos

**Zelos: **Yo, dudes!...You haven't seen a kid in red, about "Yay high", and is really obnoxious!

The monks, shivered but did not speak

**Zelos: **Uh...hello?...Mr.Clean and sons...did you hear me? I'm looking for a...ooo...an éclair. I'm

really hunger, after hiking up here, looking for Lloyd!

Zelos, walked up to the half eaten Éclair and took a bite. He took a seat, down beside Abu and

rested his arm on his shoulder

**Zelos(With mouth full of food): **so...no sign of a kid in red?...Well, I'm sure he'll show up,

soon...for now, I think I'll kick back here for a while...nice and quiet here, ain't it?

The monks, looked at each other and tensed their fists

**Zelos: **Aw, hell!...Who needs quiet, when you have "Give me Hell" on 8 track!

Zelos, pulled out his cassette player and slipped in the tape

Dun-dun-dun...

**Zelos(singing along to the music): **_Oh, yeah! Show me what you got...take your best _

_shot...give it to me, now! Give me Hell!!!! Give me Hell!!!...Nah-nah-nah...Hell, yeah!!!!_

While Zelos, was busy singing to the music, the monks had stood up and were now behind Zelos,

giving him the evil eye

**Zelos: **_Yahhh!!! Give me Hell!!! Nah-nah!!!_

**Monks: **Heeeeyyyaaaahhhh!!!!!

**Zelos: **Huh?...aghhhh!!!!

The End

**A/N: Yikes! Poor Zelos! I hope any Buddhists out there, reading this story, was not **

**offended by this chapter. I love all people, and I don't intend on crossing the line, and **

**getting shunned. I promise...(crosses fingers, behind back). Crap...why did I write that **

**into the story...**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Should we get married?**

Kratos and Professor Raine, sat on the couch on opposite ends, arms folded, and looking the

other way. They both, sighed and looked around the room, embarrassed

**Kratos: **I don't see what the big idea is...

**Raine: **Me neither...

**Kratos: **It's not like it's something to be ashamed of...right?

Raine, turned around and looked at Kratos

**Raine: **right...we're both two, responsible and mature adults and we don't have a damn thing,

to be embarrassed about...

The two didn't say anything, for a second

**Kratos: **...except for that...

**Raine: **hmmm...

What could they possibly be talking about? Let's hit the ol' "Flashback" button and see what

happens...pushes "flashback button"...

**Me: **Damn...the buttons sticking, again...hang on one second, folks..._push!..._there! Enjoy!

_Flashback..._

_4 hours ago_

The group, wandered around the park, looking at all the sights. It was "Carnival Day", in the park,

and everyone, except: Zelos, Kratos, Raine and Presea, was happy about the occasion

**Zelos: **I don't see why I had to come...what is there for me to do here...I don't even see any

woman, just a bunch of guys, dressed as beggars and drunks...I don't...

Just as Zelos, was ready to complain some more, he spotted two women, in wench clothing,

walking the opposite way of the group

**Zelos: **Now this is my kind of Carnival!

Zelos, stopped and began to walk backwards, following the two girls

**Zelos: **Don't wait up!

Zelos, waved goodbye and was gone with the girls

**Presea: **This is very confusing for me...I don't know whether or not, to be excited about such

an event. I'm 28, but I'm in the body of a 12 year old kid...what should I think?

**Regal: **I suggest that you forget all about your age and just have fun...one such idea, would be

to duck away, and join me for a drink at the Food Tent...what'ya say?

**Presea: **I say...

Presea, swung her axe, and sent Regal flying

**Presea: **...stop thinking that you have a chance with me...you sicko!

**Regal(Trailing off): **My looooooveeeee...

The group, found a play, that was just about under way and took a seat on the benches, lined

along the grass. They took their seats and waited for the curtain to rise

**Sheena: **I wonder what this play will be about?

**Lloyd: **It says in the brochure, that it's play about a woman who decides to marry the man, that

she loved for so long, but never had the courage to tell him. Also, he's the same way

Raine and Kratos, look other ways, and pretended that they didn't hear Lloyd. The play, finally

began, when the curtain rolled up and out stepped a man and a woman, dressed in medieval

gowns. They then, began to dance. The audience, enjoyed what they saw.

Kratos and Raine, were itching the whole time and finally, ducked away. They walked behind the

trees and looked back.

**Kratos: **That made me a little uneasy

**Raine: **Yes...not exactly what I was expecting to happen!

**Kratos: **Do you think what we're doing...is wrong?

**Raine: **What?!...We are adults! We can do what they want...and who cares what others think...

**Kratos: **Right!

**Raine: **Right!

**Kratos: **Right!

**Raine: **Right!

**Kratos: **Right!

**Raine: **no...

**Kratos: **no...uh...wait, why "No"?

**Raine: **No, what?

**Kratos: **No...you what?

**Raine: **What?

**Kratos: **No, I said "No", first...then you said "no, what"!

**Raine: **...what?

**Kratos: **No!

**Raine: **What?!

**Kratos: **You said, "No"!

**Raine: **No, I said "What" to your "No", and you said "No, what"...to my...what?!!!

**Kratos: **What are we talking about?

**Raine: **About us, sleeping together!

**Kratos: **Aghhh!!

Kratos, moved quick and clamped Raine's mouth shut

**Raine: **mumpphh...mmmpp

**Kratos: **I'm sorry, but you almost gave us away...

**Raine: **mmpp...yammpp...hmmpp

**Kratos: **I know that...but we have to be extra careful

**Raine: **mmmpp...

**Kratos: **yeah...

**Raine(Now annoyed): **mhpgh!

Raine, pulled away from Kratos's grasp and wiped off her mouth

**Kratos: **What?

**Raine: **I was trying to say, "Maybe we should really consider a more private way of concealing our

secret!

**Kratos: **So was I!

**Raine: **Well, anyway, let's go!

The two, walked off and found their own entertainment. They walked along the pathway, and

soon realized, that they had been holding hands for the last few minutes. They darted away, and

looked at the ground

**Kid: **You two are icky! Holding hands are gross!

Raine and Kratos, looked at the kid

**Mother: **That's not icky, Mikey! They can do that, because their married!

The mother, grabbed Mikey's hand and walked off with him. Kratos and Raine, stood still, after

hearing the mother

**Raine: **Married?

**Kratos: **Us?

The two, looked at each other. They turned away, even more embarrassed. They walked on, but

didn't look at each other. After they walked on, they came across a fortune teller, and looked at

each other, and came up with the same idea. They would ask the teller and see if they need to

marry, one another. They walked into the tent, and saw a large woman, sitting in a stool,

smoking a pipe. She puffed some smoke, into the air

**Shikira:** I could sense you were coming!

**Raine:** How did you know?

**Shikira:** I...am the all knowing...I...am the great and mysterious, Shikira Mandori...

Thunder and lightning, banged and flashed, outside the tent. Kratos and Raine, looked outside in

wonder

**Shikira:** ...I also charge 10 dollars and hour...and 15 dollars, for anyone over 50...

**Kratos:** Damn! ...um...uh...why I'm not that old...why I've been told that I can play anywhere

from 18-30...why, I'm so young...you'd need identification from me, just to prove that I'm legal!"

Shikira, outstretched her boney hand.

**Kratos:** ohhh ...ok...I'm 3,000...you happy?

**Shikira: **Oh, dear! Anyone over 1,000 years old...it's double!

**Kratos:** D'oh!

**Shikira:** Then, let's get started! Abba-booy...abba-shee...destiny of chance, show me...show

me what these two will experience!

The crystal ball, lit up and shined, a piercing white light. It dimmed, after a few seconds and then

a fuzzy picture, showed up in the ball.

**Kratos: **What's that?

**Shikira: **I don't know...it's not fully visible yet!

**Raine: **It short of looks like...a donkey riding a motorcycle...

**Kratos:** No, no!...You don't know anything...it's a duck flying a kite!

**Raine: **Now, it kind of looks like my Uncle Peter...ugh...dressed up as my Aunt Maggie!

**Kratos: **Now, it looks like a dolphin playing hopscotch!

**Shikira: **_sigh_...I should have gone into accounting, like dad wanted me to...

**Kratos: **...It's a monkey flying a pumpkin...

**Raine: **...no, it's John Wayne kissing a camel...

**Kratos: **...a flamingo on Broadway...

**Raine: **...a dancing chicken in high heels...

**Shikira: **Enough!!!

Kratos and Raine, stopped in their tracks and looked at the fortune woman

**Shikira: **The picture is looking better now...so sit down and let me do my job!

**Kratos: **Sorry, Ma'am...

**Raine: **I'll be good...

**Shikira:** Good!...Now, let's see what's in your future...oh...I see a happy couple, kissing and

holding hands...

Kratos and Raine, awkwardly smiled at each other

**Shikira: **...and now their grabbing at each other's hair and rolling around on the floor...ohh...

that had to hurt...

Kratos and Raine, looked at each other with an awkward stare

**Shikira: **...ohh?...what's this, now?...the two are kissing, again...and now the clothes are coming

off!!...Oh, wow! Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talking about...yee-haw, ride'm cowboy...

go...uh...oh...hehehe...whoops...I mean, I see some good things in your future...(looks around

with shifty eyes)...

**Raine: **So...what does that mean?

**Kratos: **Ya...we need to know the answer...

**Shikira: **The answer to what?

**Raine: **The answer to our question...

**Shikira: **What question would that be?

**Kratos: **I thought you knew...that's why you said, "I am all knowing" and "I know why you have

come!...That kind of stuff...

Shikira looked around, with shifty eyes again

**Shikira: **I am the great Shikira!

_POOF_

Shikira, through a smoke bomb, down at her feet and she was gone

**Shikira: **My bill is in the mail...(trail off)

**Kratos: **D'oh!

**Raine: **Well, that helped a lot!

The two left the tent, and found the group, walking along the road

**Lloyd: **There you are!

**Genis: **Where have you two, been?

**Kratos: **We were just...

**Raine: **We had to...

The group, looked at them

**Both: **Bathroom!

**Group: **...ohhh...

The group, joined up and headed for home

**Kratos: **Where's Regal?

**Zelos: **oh, he got arrested by the park police...

**Presea: **He beat up one of the performers, because he thought, it looked like Vharley!

**Zelos: **You know...I think that guy,_ likes_ being arrested and thrown in jail!

The group continued on home

_End Flashback..._

**Raine: **So...I guess it's all up to us, whether or not we get married

**Kratos: **yeah...

The two, sat there, staring into space, thinking of an answer to their question

**Kratos: **I guess we could always "elope"

**Raine: **ya...like to Las Vegas or something

**Kratos: **Ya...Las Vegas weddings are a joke...

**Raine: **Alright...I'll go and book us a flight!

**Kratos: **I'll go and drain my bank account of all it's funds...I'll blow it all one a single hand of

BlackJack!

The two, ran off and made their arrangements to get married in Las Vegas. After a few hours,

they were ready and they locked up and drove off to the airport

**Both: **Off to Vegas!!!

Raine and Kratos, will now soon be a married couple...but not really

**The End...**

**Regal: **Guys?!...Lloyd?!!...Presea?!...Genis?!...Come on, guys...I don't want to rot in jail, again...

and some guy in here is asking me, if I'm taken...what does that mean?...Guys?!...Hello?...

**A/N: Yikes! A word of warning, Regal...don't drop the soap! Well, Now...I would like to **

**now introduce you readers, to Mr. and Mrs. Aurion! Let the fun times roll...as long as **

**they don't do anything stupid, that is!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: I wish I knew you better...not!**

Lloyd looked up at the sign overhead. **"Asgard Museum of Natural History" - Now with **

**20 more dullness**

**Lloyd: **I can't believe that we had to come here...

**Raine: **Hey, you lost the right to choose where we went...live with it!

**Lloyd: **But I should have won...

**Genis: **Lloyd...in a game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors"...where did you get the idea to use

toothpaste?

**Lloyd: **I thought it would make her all sticky and she wouldn't be able to fight back!

**Genis(turning to readers): **How can this guy get any stupider?!

**Raine: **Well, we're here, so there's no use arguing about it!

The group, which included, Lloyd, Raine, Genis, Regal, Presea, Zelos, Sheena, Presea, Kratos,

Shaggy, Velma..._oh, wait...I think I'm reading the wrong list. Ok, forget about Kratos...everyone _

_else is there..._walked into the Museum and to the front desk. There, was a young girl, with her

feet up on the desk, clipping her over grown nails, shooting them across the room

**Bling**

**Shaggy: **Aghh...zoinks! I'm hit...save me Velma!

**Velma: **I'm here Shaggy!

Velma, went to help Shaggy, but tripped and knocked him flying. She collided with him and they

both, were sent through the air and down an open, elevator shaft.

**Both: **Jinkies!!!

_Ok...I guess we need somebody to fill the void...now that those two got killed_

**Writer: **Kratos?!...We need you after all!

Kratos looked up, from the buffet table, back stage, and scowled

**Kratos(In an angry Mob voice): **I'm on a break here...what'sa matta wits you's?

**Writer: **Get ova here...you dumb cannoli!

**Kratos: **oh, boy...somebody is getting whacked, tonight!

**Writer: **Shed up, and get in the story, you low class bum!

**Kratos: **(Censored...censored)

**Writer(Snapping my fingers): **Oh!...Oh, no you didn't, girlfriend! Mm-hm!

**Kratos: **What ever...talk to the hand, sister!

Kratos, after his little argument, walked over to the other's and stood in his place

**Writer: **Ok...let's continue!

**Raine: **Excuse me?...We'd like a tour of the Museum please!

**Receptionist: **Sure, honey...take this with you?

She handed over a large key

**Raine: **What will we need this for?

**Receptionist: **The washroom! There's only one in the whole place. Everyone has to share!

The group, took off and went to explore the Museum. They saw a wide variety of exhibits. How

man was born, how the Eskimo's lived, how Michael Jackson became white

**Zelos:** Man, this is boring...where's the Amazon exhibit! They have statues of Amazon woman, and

they have the biggest set of...ugh!

Presea, hit Zelos over the head, and scowled

**Presea: **Zelos, I'll never understand your womanizing ways!

**Zelos: **Aw...my sweet little, Presea...

The group, continued along and came across the Ninja exhibit

**Raine: **Ninja Exhibit?!...This wasn't in the brochure!

**Lloyd: **Cool! Hiya! I'm going to be a ninja warrior and defeat evil guys, in black pajamas!

**Sheena: **You can't be serious!...do you really think that's all Ninja's are?

**Lloyd: **Well, yeah...

**Sheena: **What proof do you have that all Ninja's are like that?!

**Lloyd: **Ever here of a cartoon, called: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"...They have nothing, but

Ninja's in black suits, throwing shiny, metal stars and twirling wooden sticks and avenging the

death of their parents...I think, I know all there is to know, about Ninja's

**Sheena: **Ugh...

The group, continued along, with some sour faces in the bunch. They suddenly came across a

large exhibit, showcasing how slaves were treated, back in the Egyptian Deserts.

**Regal: **How cruel! I can't believe that's how people were treated back in those days!

**Genis: **I can't believe you, Regal!...You are so dramatic! You take things way too, seriously!

**Regal: **You're just a kid...what do you know about the struggle of suffering and being tortured

and having to work in the blazing sun, for hours and days on end, without sleep or water or

food...how would you feel?!!!

**Genis: **What the hell are you talking about? You went to jail for 2 years, for killing a woman, who

you saved from a horrible fate! What torture?...What slave work?

**Regal:** Hey...I had to clean the bathrooms, as punishment...do you know what kind of things

you find in a prison toilet?...Not poop, I can tell you that!

**Genis: **Ooook...

The group, kept moving, trying not to make things worse. Next, they came to the "Heaven's

Chosen" section of the Museum **(What?! This story isn't getting dumb and corny...I'll **

**dumb-corny, you!)**

**Kratos: **Now, there...is what a chosen of Heaven, should be!

**Colette:**_gasp_...how can you say that? After all the trouble you went, trying to capture me, and

take to Yggdrasil!

**Kratos: **Oh, that?...Nah...I wasn't evil or anything...kidnapping you was just a ploy to get Lord

Yggdrasil, in bed

**Kratos: **I mean...uh...in be...better shape for the Olympics in the Angel coliseum...in the...um...

Everyone looked at Kratos. Lloyd, twirled his finger in a circle, next to his ear

**Kratos: **Let's keep this train wreck, going...

The group, were all in bad moods, with each other, when they stumbled across a dark hallway,

off the path they were assigned. A sign, in front of the hallway, stated, in big, angry red letters:

_**Death...to all who enter this place!...and please clean up any garbage, on your way **_

_**  
**__**out! Thank you!...Death!!!**_

**Lloyd: **Sounds like fun!

Lloyd, knocked over the sign and ran into the hallway. The other's looked at each other and

shrugged. Everyone followed, behind Lloyd. After they had entered the hallway, the janitor came

walking by, watched the group, as they went into the forbidden hallway, and turned to the

readers.

**Janitor: **Hooo-heeeee-haaaaaaa!!!

Inside the hallway, were lots of rooms, which they all could see inside

**Lloyd: **Let's see...

Lloyd, read each of the signs, over the doorways

**Lloyd: **..._Forbidden Tomb_...boooring!..._Room of Doom_?...Pleeease!..._Coke Cola presents: Pepsi _

_Armageddon_?!...Where the hell are all the good rooms...with the gore and the guts and the

books on dark magic?

**Zelos: **I'm still looking for the Amazon woman exhibit!...I could care less about _Dizmelik's book of_

_Dark spells, incantations, and curses!_

Everyone, stopped and looked at Zelos

**Zelos: **...I'm...just guessing...heh...

The group kept moving

**Zelos: **Kah na she ko ro maga ki mono ka ra!

**Presea: **urk!

Presea, suddenly transformed, into a duck and fell to the ground

**Zelos: **heh...

The group, continued and came across a room, steeped in red light, from within. Above, the sign

read: _**Lost Magical Stone of Valizar: One Wish, no take backs...without a receipt!**_

**Lloyd: **Now this is my kind of room...one wish? I could wish for anything, I wanted...yaaaa!

**Colette: **What would you wish for Lloyd?

Lloyd, turned and looked at Colette

**Lloyd(Thinking to self): **_X-ray vision?_

_bubble...bubble...bubble...big bubble...image_

_Lloyd pictured all the girls in their underwear_

_Raine: Lloyd...our handsome prince...would you like to see more?_

_Colette: Ya, Lloyd...I may be flat as an Ironing board, but I'm still a girl_

_Presea: boobs...boobs...boobs...lots of boobs for Lloyd!_

_Lloyd(bashfully): hehehehehehe..._

_Voice: Hey, Lloyd!_

_Lloyd: huh?_

_Genis: What do you think of this?_

_Lloyd, turned around, to find Genis, Zelos and Regal, all naked, and posing_

_Lloyd:__Yagghhh!!!_

_End bubble dream..._

**Lloyd: **Yagghh!!! No...no...I don't like naked gay elves, girly men, or dirty hobo's

**Regal: **?!...

**Zelos: **Girly man?...

**Genis: **Gay elf?...I'm not gay...am I Mithos?

**Mithos: **Of course not...my lovely, little elf boy

Mithos and Genis, kissed and dropped to the floor

**Lloyd(Girly scream): **Yaaaa!!

Lloyd, ran from the hall and into the Magical stone room. He ran, as hard and as fast, as he could

move, and bashed into something. Lloyd, hit the ground and then, looked up

**Lloyd: **Woah!

The stone, was as large as a small car, sitting on a wooden table, surrounded by a wooden fence.

Lloyd, got up and looked at it. It had a gleaming, purple glow to it, and shined in the sunlight,

from the roof window overhead. The rest of the group, walked in, and joined Lloyd. They all

looked up at the stone

**Genis: **It's huge!

**Sheena: **It's pretty!

**Regal: **It's magical!

**Presea: **Quack...quakk...quakk-quakk!

**Lloyd: **Ok...I'll make my wish...now, how does this thing work?

**Raine: **It says; _**Place hand on stone, then make wish. Wish will be granted, instantly!**_

**Lloyd: **Coool!

Lloyd, walked up to the stone, reached over the fence and placed his hand on the stone. He

closed his eyes, and thought hard. Everyone waited, and waited...but nothing appeared

**Zelos: **Yo?...Make with the magic or get to the back of the line...I got some Amazon chicks to

conjure up!

Lloyd, ignored Zelos, and concentrated again. He thought hard, but still nothing showed up

**Sheena: **Well, here's your problem...

Sheena, pointed to a gauge, on the side of the stone. It showed an arrow, sitting on the

bottom of the gauge. The color went from blue(nothing), to red(extreme)

**Sheena: **Lloyd...try your wish one more time!

Lloyd wished again

The gauge, then began to flicker. It moved about a fraction of an inch, and then dropped

**Sheena: **Just as I thought...your brain power is too weak, to conjure up any sort of wish...

you're too stupid to wish! That's your problem!

**Lloyd: **Damn...I wanted my wish!

**Colette: **What were you going to wish for?

**Lloyd: **I was going to wish for my very own monkey army!...and then we'd go on cool

adventures, and take down the evil General Ape! Oh, yeah! Monkey Power, forever!

**Colette: **...I'm sorry, I asked...

**Sheena: **Let's have somebody else wish...Regal...how about you?

**Regal: **Me?...well, alright...

Regal, walked up to the stone, and placed both his hands on the stone

**Sheena: **Now, close your eyes and wish!

Regal, closed his eyes, and began to wish. A few seconds past, but again, nothing happened

**Lloyd: **Hahaha...Regal's just as dumb, as me!

**Regal: **I did not fail in my wish, like you, Lloyd...

**Lloyd: **What?...Then, where is your wish?

**Sheena: **You don't want to know...

Regal, turned around and showed everyone, what he had wished for

**Everyone: **...!!

Standing before them, was Regal, wearing the famous, novelty eyeglass and mustache toy

**Genis: **You've got to be kidding me?!...You could wish for anything in the world...and you chose

a gag toy?

**Regal(In a giggly, little boy voice): **Well...I've always wanted to wear something like this...but

I never had the time to buy one...what with my being a full time manager and all...I finally got

what I've always wanted...hehehehe...such fun!

**Sheena: **Ok...enough joking around...I guess I'll make the next wish, then...

Sheena, placed her hand on the stone and wished

**Lloyd: **What are you going to wish for, Sheena?

**Zelos(praying to self): **bigger boobs...bigger boobs...bigger boobs

Sheena, thought and was done. She let go of the stone

**Colette: **So, Sheena?...What did you wish for?

**Sheena: **Oh...you'll see!

**Lloyd: **What do you me...agghh!

Everyone, froze and began to groan

**Sheena: **Well...I guess you can't see it...I wished for everyone to have a dream, about what it's

really like to live in the shoes, of the one that you make fun of...

Everyone, gagged and fell to the floor

**Sheena: **See you in a few hours...

_4 hours later..._

**Lloyd: **Woah!...what happened?

**Sheena: **I guess now, you understand how being a ninja, is more then just black clothes and

throwing stars, right?

**Lloyd: **Oh, yeah...

**Sheena: **Good...

**Lloyd: **...I found out, that if you're the son of a powerful guy...all the woman, want to sleep

with you!

**Sheena: **Huh?!

**Lloyd: **That was the greatest day of my life! I've never had this much fun in my dreams, before!

**Sheena:**_sigh_...well...at least, everyone else got the idea behind the dream

Sheena, turned around and listened to everyone else

**Regal: **I'm sorry, Genis...It looks like I was wrong about you...

**Genis: **damn right!

**Regal: **...I was right that you're nothing but a kid...you have a good life in Iselia...you are one

spoiled little kid! You'll never know what's it's like to suffer!

**Genis:** Oh, yeah?!...Well, I found out, that you didn't slave in the washrooms of prison, when

you killed Alicia...you were so rich, you went to a pampered prison and ate steak, played

basketball, and got to play Xbox 360, all day long! You never suffered for a day!

Sheena, turned to Zelos and Presea

**Zelos: **Man...you had it rough, Presea...having your life cut short and not being able to live like a

real kid...losing all those years...man...

**Presea: **Yes...it was very traumatic...

**Zelos: **Hardly...for me...I found a cute boy, that had the same time problem, you have...we

became friends and we were matched up, by our parents to marry when we reached adult hood!

**Presea: **What?

**Zelos: **What a thrill!

**Presea: **Well, I see that you'll never change...I found a book in your room...it showed every

woman that you've slept with, since you were born! At last count, you've been with 586

women...including a very confusing one, when you were 3 years old?

**Zelos: **Oooohh, yeah! Becky Melban! Long story...but we decided to stay friends…she wet her bed too

much!

Sheena, sighed and turned to Colette and Kratos

**Kratos: **I'm very sorry, Chosen one!...I see, that you have a lot in your life...and being a chosen

is hard to cope with...it must be very hard

**Colette: **Yes...sometimes

**Kratos: **What about me?...Did you understand my struggles, having to do evil things, against my

beliefs and how I wished things were different?

**Colette: **No...I just found out, that you are just really, really gay!

**Sheena: **_sigh_...nobody learned a darn thing, about anyone else..._sigh_...

**Raine: **I think it's time to go...

The group, now really ticked off with each other, packed up and walked out of the room

**Sheena: **I guess it was too much to ask, for a little appreciation...

The group, left the Wish room and walked back to the front desk

**Raine: **Ok, everyone...time to go back home

The group, left the building and back into the bus. The pulled away, and head back home. Back

in the Wish room, Zelos, came out of hiding and snuck back to the Wish stone

**Zelos: **Time to get my Amazon babes!

Zelos, placed his hand on the stone and wished his wish. A few seconds past, but nothing

happened

**Zelos: **Darn thing...give me my wish! I wish to be surrounded by lots and lots of Amazon chicks!

The stone, glowed and shined brightly. The light, dimmed and Zelos scowled

**Zelos: **Where are my Amazon woman?!

_Stomp...stomp...stomp..._

Zelos, turned around and looked up and saw a group of very large women, in a cloth robes,

standing over him, holding large, wooden clubs

**Zelos: **_gulp_...hehehe...hi, there...wanna go out?

The Amazon woman, right in front of him, looked down and scowled

**Amazon Woman: **Niki kama no Shiko!!!

The other women, cried out in joy!

**Zelos: **Oh, boy...I don't think that was a "yes"...

The End

**A/N: I don't know why I pick on Zelos, in most of my chapters...I just like it! This is one **

**of the longest chapters I've written for Fanfic so far, so I hope you like it! I plan on **

**reaching to 100 chapters with this story, so let me hear your thoughts on that! Enjoy, **

**till next time! P.S. As for Presea, the curse that Zelos put on her, wore off cause of the Stone's magical powers. It **

**cancelled out the spell. I didn't say that in my story. Sorry!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: AutoBiography: A Lloyd Irving story**

**(Lloyd, writing his Autobiography, on his computer)**

_Hi, my name is Lloyd Irving and this is my autobiography. I grew up in the small town of Iselia. I _

_was found by an Elf craftsman, named Dirk, who took me in. Later on, in life, I found out that _

_my real father, Kratos Aurion, killed my mother, because she had become a cyborg and..._

**_(Kratos)_**

_**No...no...that's not right...she turned into a monster...if you are going to write **_

_**your Autobiography...do it right!**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Hey...don't write that!**_

_**(Kratos)**_

_**I'm only correcting you...I'm your father after all...**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Fine...**_

_**(Resume typing)**_

_My father killed my mother...because she had turned into a monster. I found it all hard to _

_believe...but I ended up accepting his as my father and what he had done. I..._

**_(Zelos)_**

_**Whoa...hang on a sec, bud!**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Geez...first, how many times do I have to tell you...my name is not "Bud"...second, **_

_**all of you, stop wrecking my Autobiography!**_

_**(Zelos)**_

_**I just thought I'd mention...you didn't take the news of finding out Kratos was your **_

_**father...remember? Yuan told you, and then you freaked out! Man, you went nuts!**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Fine...can I continue, without any interruptions?!**_

_**(Regal)**_

_**I only came, to give myself, as a reference. I'm sure you would love to include, the **_

_**story of how I grew up, in your Autobiography...am I, right?**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**...!!! This is about me!! If you want to write about yourself...and how many women-**_

_**turned-monster freaks, you killed...write your own, damn biography!!**_

_**(Regal)**_

_**whimper...but it's hard to do...**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**...sigh...can I please continue?!**_

_**Everyone stood, quiet**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Thank you...(looks over shoulder, once)**_

_**(Continue)**_

_I ended up accepting my father...after freaking for a few minutes. I continued my journey with _

_my friends. They were, My School Professor, Raine Sage, her young brother, and my friend, _

_Genis Sage. My other school friend, Colette Brunel. From Tethe'alla, Sheena Fujiyabashi, Presea _

_Combatier, Zelos Wilder, and Regal Bryant. They were all..._

**_(Regal)_**

_**Psst...would you like my reference, now?**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**...No! No reference! It's my story!**_

_**(Regal)**_

_**I see...I am sorry to have troubled you, Lloyd...pompous little twirp...**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**...What was that?**_

_**(Regal)**_

_**Nothing...Please continue...**_

_They were all my friends, and was having a ball, hanging out with them. We had a lot of thought _

_times, but we made it through, by sticking together and working as a team. Our enemy at the _

_time, was a gay fairyman, named Yggra...Ygdra...Yg...Iggy!!_

**_(Kratos) _**

_oh, please..._

**_(Zelos)_**

_haha! The all powerful, Iggy Angel!!_

**_(Continue)_**

_He was a very strong angel, and we had a hard time killing him...eventually we did it...but we _

_were sad, that it had to end up that way...he had been manipulated by a Cruxis Crystal and he _

_wanted to be put out of his misery._

**_(Kratos)_**

_sigh...sob..._

**_(Lloyd)_**

_**Dad?...Something wrong?**_

_**(Kratos)**_

_**huh?...No!..it's cool!**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**ok...**_

_**(Continue)**_

_Once we defeated Yggdrassil...we went home, and made plans for the future. The three of us, _

_from Sylvarant, decided to spend our summer vacation in Tethe'alla. The other's did the same. _

_We met up, in between, at a small cafe, at the center of the two worlds. A guy had taken the _

_opportunity, when the worlds were splitting apart, to build his cafe. When the two world's were _

_becoming one, again, the world's, collided with his cafe, and got stuck. The guy named the _

_place, The Great Seed Cafe...(how original!). They make a pretty good Mocha, and the Cheese _

_Danishes are to die for! Anyways..._

**_(Zelos)_**

_**I know a chick from that place...she was way too, clingy for this hot player!**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Ahem!...**_

_**(Continue)**_

_...we had vanquished the evil Angel and his gay followers, and went back to our lives. The entire _

_adventure, was pretty cool, except for all the parts, when we had to stop off at a rest stop, _

_every few miles._

**_(Colette)_**

_**I'm sorry...I have a very weak bladder...!!...Uh-oh!**_

_**(Zelos)**_

_**Oh, god!...She sprung a leak! Dive-Dive! We're going down captain! **_

_**(Colette)**_

_**sigh...**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Ok...that does it! I want everybody to leave! I don't need people, interrupting my **_

_**writing, with their childhood stories, or flooding my room, with urine! Get out!**_

Lloyd pushed everybody out of the room, and slammed the door

**(Lloyd)**

**Pweehh!**

Just then, the door cracked open

**(Regal)**

**Lloyd! I know some good things that can go in your story!...They don't have to do **

**about me...they can be about a man, that struggles with his problems of life...he's a **

**man of anguish and torture...ugh!**

**(Lloyd)**

**Get the heck out!!!**

Lloyd, closed the door and locked it. He sat back down, at his desk and tried to concentrate. He

thought and thought and thought for hours...but nothing came. He looked at the door

**(Lloyd)**

**You have got to be kidding me!**

Lloyd, got up and walked, slowly and cautiously over to door, and grabbed the door handle. He

turned it and squeaked it open. There, all hunched on top of each other, with their faces,

sporting big, exaggerated smiles, were all of his friends

**(Lloyd)**

**It appears...**_**stares at them, more smiles...**_**that I can't concentrate on my **

**Autobiography, without all of you in the room...I don't want to hear a sound out of **

**any of you...or I will soooo...kill all of you!**

Everyone looked at Lloyd, with looks of wonder. Regal farted. Lloyd sighed. Everyone, walked

back into the room and sat down. Lloyd, took his place at the desk, and began to type. The

words, began to come to Lloyd. He typed, furiously at the keyboard, and ignored all the others,

next to him. Finally, Lloyd stopped typing and got up. Everyone looked at him

**(Lloyd)**

**Ok...I'm going to the washroom...I'm only going to be gone for 2 minutes...I won't **

**come back and find my story..."altered"...at all...now, will I?**

Everyone shook their heads. Lloyd, sighed and nodded. He walked away. He opened the

bathroom door, and stepped in. He stopped

**(Lloyd)**

**Ahhhh-haaaa!!!**

Lloyd, spun around and pointed at the group. Nothing had changed

**(Lloyd)**

**Oh?!...Well...alright, then...**

Lloyd, closed the bathroom door. Everyone stayed in their place. Nobody moved a muscle.

Everyone stared at the computer, and then the bathroom door

_**30 seconds later...**_

Lloyd, opened the door and walked back out, into the room. He looked around at the other's,

who were still in their places. Lloyd, eyed all of them, very carefully. He moved back to his chair

and sat down

**(Lloyd)**

**I guess I didn't give you guys enough credit...You did as you were told and you did it **

**very well...thank you!**

The other's, looked around the room, whistling and twitching their bodies. Lloyd, looked back at

the computer screen. His face almost, slid off his head. There, on the screen, was not his story,

but a entire new one, in place of it

**8 Short stories, starring Regal and the rest!**

**(Lloyd)**

**I don't believe this!...My story!!!**

**(Presea)**

**It was Regal's idea!**

**(Regal)**

**You little...she's lying! I am not the guilt party!**

**(Presea)**

**Scroll down to the bottom!**

Lloyd scrolled down to the bottom and he saw a signature, that read:

_**This has been a Regal Alice Bryant's production. Sponsered by Coke Cola and Ford.**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**You damn, dirty...dirty...uh...**_

_**(Genis)**_

_**You damn, dirty Pant sniffer!**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**What?...What the heck does that mean?**_

_**(Regal)**_

_**Look...I think that we can all agree that I am innocent...do I strike you as the guilty **_

_**type?**_

Everyone looked at Regal. Regal, just realizing what he had said, blushed and turned away

**_(Lloyd)_**

_**Look...if the person that did this, **_**fesses up to their mistake...I won't be mad...**

Everyone looked at Lloyd, with a look of shock

**_(Lloyd)_**

_**...I won't get mad...!!...I'LL JUST GUT THE PERSON FROM HEAD TO TOE AND RIP OUT **_

_**ALL OF HIS OR HER, INTESTINES AND STRANGLE THEM WITH IT!!! hufff...pufff...sigh...**_

_**heh...I'm glad I got that off my chest...I"LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!**_

_**The End...**_

_**(Lloyd)**_

_**Oh, no it's not! Yaghhh!!(Bites Writer)**_

_**(Writer)**_

_**-Girlish scream-**_

_**A/N: Hope you liked my latest chapter...and no...I don't scream like a girl!!!**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: How to become a Bad Guy!**

**Writer: Hello! Have any of you ever wondered, about how the bad guys in Video **

**Games, Movies, or Cartoons, become who they are? Well, this chapter, dedicates itself **

**to showing you the hardships that go into preparing, all that goes into becoming a **

**well known bad guy. You will see how 1 guy, goes from Dreamer to Lord of Evil, in only **

**two weeks. I must warn you, though, it's not going to be pretty. This guy is...how **

**  
****you say...incompetent and a complete moron!...Hmmm...enjoy!**

**Day 1: A Theme!**

**Mom: **Fredrick!! Dinner!!

**Fredrick: **Mom!!...I told you that I want to be called, Voltara!

**Mom: **I don't care if you want to be called, Zeus, King of the Pumpkins...if you don't get down

here now...your Squid Casserole will get cold!

**Fredrick: **Eww...

Fredrick is a 24 year old, who lives with his mom, in the northern most part of Tethe alla...on a

small island, 4 miles off shore. He dreams of one day, ruling over all of Tethe alla. He stills

dreaming of the things to come, but he's drawing near to his day of action. Downstairs, his

mother looked at him, sternly

**Mom:** Fredrick! Are you still dreaming of one day, ruling the earth?!

**Fredrick:** Yes, Mom!...and it's Voltara!

**Mom:** If you plan on doing any world-conquering...you'll need to bring a sweater...and be home

for dinner, at 6!

**Fredrick:** Mom!...If I become the all powerful ruler of the world...I'll have no need for a sweater

and will not eat the peasants food, any more...I'll eat exotic foods and have many

banquets...I...I..I'm speaking like a some medieval moron!

**Mom:** ...Oh, and you need to remember your diapers too!

**Fredrick:** Mom!!!

Later, Fredrick paced in his room, trying to figure out his first plan of attack

**Fredrick:** I need something...something that starts me off in a goodway! What is it?

Fredrick, looked around his room, looking at all of his posters, and action figures of famous super

villians. He stared at all of them, and finally came to a decision

**Fredrick:** That's it!...A Theme! Every Super Villan...and Hero(hack!)...has always had some kind

of theme...

Fredrick, scurried through his stuff and tried to find something, that he could use as his theme.

He looked high and low, but found nothing. After looking for almost an hour, he came across an

idea.

**Fredrick:** I think I have an idea!

**_Writer:_**_ (I just said that!)_

Fredrick, ran downstairs and opened the fridge. He saw it in the back, behind the Penguin

Pudding. It was the leftover squid from dinner. He pulled it out

**Fredrick:** Yes!!...Hahaha! From this day forward...I shall be known as Voltara: Squid King!

**Mom:** If you touch that leftover squid in the fridge...No more evil deeds for a month!

**Fredrick:** How dare you speak to the all mighty...hey, Mr. Pickles!

Mr. Pickles(Fredrick's...sorry, "Voltara: Squid King's", dog), had taken the squid off the plate,

from the fridge, and began to rip at it

**Fredrick:** Bad dog! Give me that!

Fredrick, tugged on the squid, and that made Mr. Pickles, angry. After almost 10 minutes of

tugging, Fredrick, finally got it back.

**Fredrick:** Haha! Success! The Squid is mine!!!

**And that ends "The Theme" part of becoming a bad guy. Next Step!**

**Day 3: The Costume!**

Voltara, got up the next day, and was happy that it was the weekend. He was going into town,

to think of more ideas for his "Bad Guy" image

**Voltara: **I need a costume in order to move on...but what should I wear?...A helmet?...

Tights?...Underwear on the outside of my pants?

Voltara, walked around the town, searching for a suitable costume, in order to wear, to make him

look like his part

**Voltara:** The obvious thing, would be a squid suit...but I can't be obvious...obvious is too...

obvious!!

He searched high and low, only to find sub-par pants and shirts, and the occasional, chicken suit

Voltara: There's nothing here, that suits my great personality of an evil genius!

Then, just as Voltara was about to give up, he spotted a small, urchin-like man, standing near

a back alley-way. He scurried off. Volata, ran after him. Around the corner, he spotted the man,

who walked through a door, on the side of one of the buildings

**Voltara:** Wait!

It didn't work. He ran into the door, and it closed behind him. Voltara, ran after him and opened

the door. He walked inside, cautiously, and found the place was a novelty voodoo store, full of

weird dolls and talismans. Voltara, spotted the strange man, at the far end of the room. He was

standing behind a counter, sitting in a chair, face buried in a People magazine. Voltara walked up

to the counter. He read the sign on the counter

_Ring Bell for Assistance!_

Voltara, looked for the bell, and found it, covered in cobwebs, sitting next to a computer

_DING_

The man didn't move. He rang the bell again. Nothing. Voltara, was now getting annoyed. He

looked at the sign, again, and noticed a flap, where another page was behind. He flipped the

page, and read what was on it

_If Bell fails...which it probably will...use Gong!_

Voltara, was not amused. He wanted help, so he decided to go along with it. He looked to his

right and saw a large, golden Gong, sitting on the floor. He picked up the big, padded mallet and

gave the gong a good beating

_BONGGGGGG_

The sound, rattled Voltara's body, but did nothing to the man at the counter. Voltara, was now

ticked. He walked back to the front of the counter, and flipped the next card over, on the sign.

_If bell and Gong, both fail...I suggest the "one-man-band" instrument!_

**Voltara:** Oh...come on!

Off to his left, was the big, bulky instrument, people call "The One-man-band". Voltara, put it on,

and readied himself with the tambourine, drums, symbols and harmonica

_Da-da-da-dad...bum-bum-bum-bum...clang-clang-clang...harmonica sound..._

Nothing happened

**Voltara:** Agghhh! I've had it, with all of his different methods of getting his attention!...I know

of a way...that will definitely get some attention!!!

Voltara, pulled off the bulky instrument and walked over to the counter. He stared for a few

seconds at the man, behind the newspaper...and then leaned over the counter and whacked

the guy in the head

**Voltara: **Wake up, you stupid idi...(girlish scream)...

As soon as Voltara, smacked the man in the chair, over the head..._his head _fell off. It tipped

over and hit the ground. It then, rolled over and collided with the wall. Voltara, looked around,

and quickly, ran around, behind the counter. He picked up the head, by his fingertips, and tried

to place it back on the man, like nothing had happened. He got it, close to fitting back in

place...when a voice, cackled from across the room

**Voice: **Oh...did he fall apart, again?

**Voltara: **Agghh!!

Voltara, dropped the head, and it went flying across the room. It landed on a shelf and knocked

some expensive looking glassware, causing it to crash on the floor below. Voltara, looked up to

see a man, in a white lab coat, walking out, from a back door, carrying a box.

**Voltara:** Oh, dear god!...I'm very sorry! I'll pay for that...

**Man: **Ohhohohohoho...don't worry about it, son...that wasn't real glass...it's fake!

**Voltara:** Well...what kind of glass is it made of, then?

**Man: **Plastic!

The man, walked behind his table, and picked up the dummy head. He placed it back on the

dummy, and it stayed

**Voltara: **So...I came here to...

**Man: **No...no! Don't tell me! You came here to...seek enlightenment!

**Voltara: **No...

**Man:** Awww...noo...that's not it...you came here...to have me validate your parking!

**Voltara: **Nope...

The man, looked puzzled

**Man:** ...Did you come here, looking to overthrow the Japanese government, from making an army

of Super Camel Androids?

**Voltara: **Eh...close enough! I came to find a costume, that shows off my super evil powers...

something that says I'm a really, really evil person! I want the whole world to cower in fear

before me...I want them to remember the name that will be frozen in their minds...I want...

**Man:** ...All we have left, are the Ballerina suit and one of Al Gore dressed as a chicken!

**Voltara: **Eww...aughh...you twisted old man...you want me to dress up as some nutjob, and

have people make fun of me, chase me, and kick me till I'm hobbled? No, thank you!...I'll take

the Ballerina suit, thank you very much!

Voltara, paid for the suit, and walked out of the store. He felt slightly uneasy about the choice

he had made. Nevertheless, he was happy that part of his preparation was done, and he could

move onto the next faze

**Day 7: The Hideout**

Over the next few days, Voltara, sat at home, think up some minor details, while at the same

time, trying to figure out the next step. He sat at his desk, eating a Pop tart, pondering about

what should come next. After almost 6 hours, Voltara thought of something

**Voltara: **That's it!...A Hideout!!

**Mother:** Freeeeedriiiiiick!!! Are you still up? Get to bed!!

**Voltara: **Yeah...right, Mother!...She has no idea that evil geniuses such as myself, don't need

sleep...we are capable of going days without..._snore_

Voltara, fell over and landed on his desk. For tonight, evil took a break...maybe I'll take a short

5 as well..._snore_..._snore..._

The next morning, Voltara got up and began to scower the land for his hideout.

**Voltara:** My hideout has to be, Secluded, dark, and most importantly, _funky_...

**Girls: **Ohhhh...yeah!!!

**Voltara:** Hit it girls...(Song)It's the Funk House, baby...yeah

**Girls: **Funk...funk...

**Voltara: **It's gotta have the _style_...

**Girls: **_style..._

**Voltara: **it's gotta have the _flare_...

**Girls:** _flare..._

**Voltara: **...but more of all...

**Girls:** (gasp)

**Voltara:** ...it's gotta have...me, there! Haha!

**Girls: **Ahahaha...

**Voltara:** Baby, it's my place to do, as I please...

**Girls(Clapping to beat):** Oh, yeah...oh, yeah

**Voltara:** ...as long I get to share it with all of my sweet...hun-nies...haha!

**Girls:** It's the place where you'd wanna stay...yeah...but you can't(uh-uh!), because it's hidden

away...

**Voltara:** It's the greatest place in the wooooorrrrlllllddd...yeah!!!

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

**Shady Guy:** That'll be 5000 bucks!

**Voltara:** 5...5000 dollars?! You mean, a 5...followed by 3 zeros?

**Shady Guy: **Yeah...you got the Monet or not?

**Voltara: **You got anything...a tad, cheaper?

**Shady Guy: **Cheaper?...You gotta be kiddin' me!

**Voltara:** ahehe...first time...

**Shady Guy: **sigh...whatever...follow me!

The two of them, drove off, about 10 miles down the road, and looked at another hideout. This

one sold for 2500. No good. Another drive found one for 1000. Still nothing

**Shady Guy: **Look buddy...I'm not a Realtor, looking to help a happy family get their dream home,

here...I run a business for criminals and the like. If you want something cheaper, get a Bachelor

pad or something!

**Voltara: **I'm sorry...uh...

**Shady Guy:** Brandy!

**Voltara: **Phmph...hehe...urk

**Brandy: **Something funny, wise guy?!

**Voltara:** No...hehe...sorry...are you sure you don't have anything, cheaper? Anything at all...I'll

take it!

**Brandy:** Sigh...fine...I have one that is dirt cheaper...basically, cause it's in the dirt. Let's go!

The two, took off and road 25 miles. The scenery became very scarce and dead

**Voltara: **Where...exactly is this place?

**Brandy:** In a place called...

The big guy, turned towards Voltara and his eyes shaded over

**Brandy: **..._The Cave of Forbidden French Toast!!_**(Thunder crackled in the backround)**

**Voltara:** What the hell kind of name is..._The Cave of Forbidden French Toast_?

**Brandy: **I don't know...I just sell the place...I didn't name it!

After another 10 minutes, they came to the place. It was a cavern, in the side of a mountain,

that had a Best Western on the peak. The cavern, itself, was dingy, damp, and smelled like last

wednesday's tuna

**Voltara:** How much is this place?

**Brandy:** 29.95...and it comes with a cool Tote Bag. It has a few cool gifts in it, like some

perfume, small chocolates that make you poop easier, and a CD by William Shatner!

**Voltara:** Swell...

**Brandy: **So...you taking this or what?

**Voltara:** Sure...why not!

Voltara handed over the money, and received his tote bag. The guy, looked around and then

jumped in his car. Before driving off, he turned back

**Brandy:** Just one more thing...you got a few neighbors!

Voltara: What?

Brandy: Hahaha!

The guy drove off, laughing. Voltara, looked behind him, and saw some people, coming towards

him. It was getting dark, so their faces, were invisible. They came over hills, and behind rocks,

like zombies

**People:** uhhh...

**Voltara:** Who...who are you people?!

**People:** We...we...we are happy to welcome you to the neighborhood!

**Voltara: **Gah?!

**People: **Sorry, is we startled you...

**Voltara: **Hey...I know some of you...you...you're Kiss rock Legend, Richard Simmons!

**Guy: **sigh...It's Gene Simmons!

**Voltara:** Oh...heh...sorry...

**Guy#2:** I'm Richard Simmons! Hi everybody!

**People:** Hi, Richard!

**Richard S: **Welcome to the town...I hope we can be good friends!

Richard gave Voltara a big hug, who cringed at the thought of being hugged by a man, wearing

shorts, and a sweaty t-shirt

**Voltara: **Anyone else I know?

**Woman:** How about me?

**Voltara:** Whoa...English Comedian, Dame Edna?

**Dame Edna:** ohhh...yes, I have such a great time, living here with all my beautiful friends...such

fun.

**Man:** Don't forget me...

Voltara, looked at the next person. It was a young, fat black kid

**Voltara:** Uh...who are you?

**Kid:** Oh, my god...don't you remember the movie, Good Burger? I stared in it!

**Voltara:** Oh...good for you...

**Kid:** yeah...

**Voltara:** Ok, well...better get settle in

Voltara left, and got his place cleaned up, and arranged. After he began thinking for the next

faze of his plan

**Voltara:** Tomorrow, is another day...agghhh!

Turning over in his bed, to face the other way, he spotted two people, standing over his bed

**Man1:** sorry...didn't mean to wake you

**Voltara:** Who are you guys?

**Both: **We're the Wayan Brothers...here, have a copy of our DVD "White Chicks!"

Voltara, panicked, jumped out of bed and grabbed his gun, from under the bed

**Voltara:** Die...die, you monsters of Hollywood!!

BANG...BANG...

**Both: **You can't kill us...we have a sequel coming up...damn...(Dead)

The next day...finally

**Day 11: Forming a Posse...yo!**

Voltara, began his search for new recruits...so he did what any normal person does...advertise.

His first applicant, was a man. He sat down, across from Voltara

**Voltara: **So...uh...Hoganaga?

**Hoganaga: **That's right...it means "Pansy" in Regron! My Language!

**Voltara:** What are you all about? What kind of evil guy are you?

**Hoganaga: **Oh...I'm not a bad guy...but I do hate things...like stamps, and paper cuts, like from

stamps...

**Voltara: **...oooook, I'll look you over, and I'll give you call

**Hoganaga:** Hoganaga doesn't like to wait...rowwwww...Hoganaga smash...Hoganaga kill

interviewer!!

**Voltara:** aghhhh!!

The next candidate, was a young girl, age 15

**Voltara:** You do know that you may be killed...you sure you aren't too young?

**Girl:** I know...but it doesn't really matter..since I'm already dead...

**Voltara:** uh...ok...

**Girl:** Now...the traditional dead dance...

The girl, got up and began to undress. She got down to her underwear and then began to hop

around, chanting strange words. Voltara, slowly got up and inched out of the room.

Later, at another location, Voltara, sat down with another girl. She was 24

**Voltara:** So...you evil?

**Woman:** ...

**Voltara: **Uh...hello?

**Woman:** ...

**Voltara:** you ok?

**Woman:** YAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Apparently the last woman, was a nutcase. After sending her home, Voltara sat down with a

man. He seemed normal...but you know that he isn't

**Voltara:** So, what are your references?

**Man: **I have worked for lots of evil geniuses in my time...Dr. Doctor...General Pants...Professor

Nice...

**Voltara: **Those...sound like very strange references...especially, Professor Nice...how was he

evil?

**Man:** He only paid me $4.50 an hour! No medical!

**Voltara:** Yikes...you had it rough...

**Man:** It wasn't so bad...I got to date his daughter...she was hot!

**Voltara:** That sounds nice

**Man:** Ya...you can't find a good Troll, in this day and age, that perfect

**Voltara: **...

The next candidates went on and on, but nobody fit. Just when Voltara was about to give up, a

loud knock came at the door. Voltara opened the door

**Voice: **Ah-Ha!!!!

A bunch of bodies, came stomping in, knocking over Voltara

**Voltara:** Who are you guys?

**Female:** ...a-hem!!

**Voltara:** ...and one girl!

**Leader:** We...saw your ad for superfiends...and we think we are the best ones for the job!

Introducing...

The leader, pointed to one of his partners

**Leader:** ...Hugo, the Giant!

He pointed to another...

**Leader:** ...Arunaga, the thief!

Now he pointed to the girl...

**Leader: **And...Saya, the witch!!

Then, he posed and pointed at himself...

**Leader:** ...and last, but so not least...me, the leader, of the group known as "The

Conquerers!"...Jugo, the powerful!

**Voltara:** ...uh...ok. And are you here to be my followers?

**Jugo:** Yes...we are hear to serve...speak away, all mighty, Voltara!!

**Voltara:** Hmm...well, since I now have a team, I think it's time to put the last phase into action!

**Group:** Yeah!!!

The now called, Voltara and the Conquerors, set out to finish their preparations, to conquer the

world.

**Day 14: Attack!**

**Voltara:** Ok, guys!

**Saya:** ...A-HEM!!!

**Voltara:** ...and 1 girl! We are all ready to attack the enemy. Are you all ready?

**Everyone:** Yeah!!!

**Voltara:** Ok...everyone know our plan?

**Everyone: **Yeah!!!

**Voltara:** Then, let's attack!

The group, got up and all climbed into their evil vehicle, the "BadWagon!" They drove off, to

meet their enemies.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the continent, Lloyd and friends, were on a journey to stop an

evil pinecone from taking over the world. They were all walking along the road, when they came

up to a road block.

**Genis: **What's this?

**Raine:** Looks like the roads out, ahead

**Road Worker: **Yes, the road is definitely not accessible to you folks...because this is where you

all die!"

The others jumped out and introduced themselves

**Hugo:** ...I am, Hugo the Giant!!! Agghhh!!!!

**Arunaga: **I am Arunaga, the Master thief!

**Saya:** I am the beautiful sorceress, Saya!

**Jugo:** And I am the leader of the Conquerors...Jugo, the Mighty!!

finally, the road worker, pulled off his clothes, and revealed who he really was

**Road Worker: **I am the mastermind of the group! You can call me...Voltara, the Squid King!!!

They all dropped into their poses, next to each other

(Dramatic, cutesy music plays in the background)

All of them, strained to keep their pose, while trying to impress the enemy. Everyone stared at

Voltara, the most. His ballerina suit, swayed in the breeze, revealing his underwear, and his adult

diapers, underneath.

**Genis:** ...Uh...What...hmm...you know...it's too pathetic, to even ask...let's go!

The group, left, without any thought

**Kratos(Whispering to himself):** I had to become an Angel Mercenary..."Become a Dentist like

your brother, Phil! He's the good son!" Why didn't I listen to my parents? Now I have to travel

around, with a group of losers, staring at guys in ballerina suits.

Saya: Um...Boss...they left! What do we do now?

Voltara: Errr...all that hard work, and they ignore us? Jugo...get out...the "Weapon"!

Dun-dun-DUN!!!

Everyone gasped

**Jugo: **Mr. Voltara...sir, don't you think...that this may not be the best time to test that out. We

haven't even figured out what it does yet.

**Voltara:** Silence! Get it, ready!

The team shrugged, and went off to get the "Weapon", ready. Once it was ready, they pulled it

out and set it up

**Saya:** Power at 83, sir!

**Voltara:** Good...we'll fire, now!

**Jugo:** If you say, so!

**Voltara:** 5...4...3...2...1!! Fire!!!!

Jugo, pulled the lever and fired the "Weapon"

**Lloyd:** So, the guy said, "If that's your wife...then who did I just kill? Hahaha!

The group laughed at Lloyd's, joke. Behind them, they all heard a faint whistling noise, followed by

barking

**Zelos:** What the-...

**Voltara:** ...Puppies?!

The small, furry, critters, fell onto the group, and began to lick their faces. Genis and Sheena, had

the most fun. Back at the "Weapon", Voltara looked in shock, as his enemies, enjoyed the attack,

and was left to wonder, what went wrong

**Voltara: **Why...did my super powerful weapon...just shoot out...puppies?!

**Saya:** That's what we've been trying to tell you, sir. You bought your weapon at a "Joke Weapon

Shop". It's designed to only shoot out cute, cuddly things. the more power the weapon has, the

more cuddly the projectile!

**Voltara:** Aghhh!!!

**Zelos:** Where did all these puppies come from?

**Sheena: **Who cares?!

And so, the reign of Voltara, the Squid King and his merry bunch of misfits, were forever forgotten,

and the Symphonia gang, lived happily ever after

**Voltara:** Like hell, "voice-from-out-of-nowhere"! You think this little kink in my plans, will forever

haunt me?! I'll be back, just you wait!

Voltara, walked away, and stood at the bus stop. He tapped his foot, impatiently, as he waited for

the 4:30 line, from Asgard. Finally, the bus arrived

**Voltara:** What do you mean, I have to pay?! Don't you know who I am?!

**Bus Driver:** A guy in a ballerina suit, with none matching socks?

**Voltara:** Doh!!!...Fine, you win this round, Mr. Driver!

Voltara paid for his fare and was driven off. And that's the end of that

**Voltara:** No it's not!

Yes it is

**Voltara:** No it's not!

Yes it is, end of story!

Voltara: No it's not, cancel end of story

Yes it is, end of story, infinity!

Voltara: No it's not, cancel end of story, infinite, no reversal

!!! You can't do that!

Voltara: A-la-la-la-la-la-lala!!

Damn!!!! End of story! Damn you all, to hell! I'm not writing anymore stories!!! I hate you all!!!!

-Walks away-

**Zelos:** Anyone wanna see my wiener?

The End


End file.
